Mary: [answers phone] First Baptist of Medford. How may I bless you?
Meemaw: I thought Peg answered the phones.
Mary: Mom?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Mary: Something I can help you with?
Meemaw: No, it can wait.
Mary: You want the number to the shuttle, don't you?
Meemaw: [sighs] Yes.
Mary: Let me get that for you. Huh. Um, looking under "G" for "geezer bus," and it's not there.
Meemaw: Oh, that's hilarious.
Mary: Maybe it's under "O" for "old fogies."
Meemaw: You know, you're not being a very Christian person right now.
Mary: I have enough prayers in the bank, I can coast for a day.
Meemaw: Just give me the number!
Mary: All right. Now, remember when you call to let them know if you need any help getting up stairs.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Adult Sheldon: My mother eventually coaxed me back into a car with a trip to RadioShack. She knew I was nervous so she came up with an interesting distraction.
Mary: Baby, how about we play a car game?
Sheldon: I suppose. Can I make it science-based?
Mary: Sure.
Sheldon: I'll say an element starting with "A," then you repeat that and add one starting with "B."
Mary: I don't think I'll get very far.
Sheldon: Great. Then I'll win. Aluminum.
Mary: Okay, uh, you said "A" for aluminum. "B." Is boron an element?
Sheldon: Yes.
Adult Sheldon: It was the beginning of a new tradition. One that would eventually bring countless hours of joy to Leonard on our drives to work. Much like my mother, he never beat me.
Mary: I don't know an element that starts with "D."
Sheldon: I win. That was fun. Round two. Argon.

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] So, there's no one who can lend you a car?
Meemaw: There is the church shuttle, but that just feels like it's the end of the line.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I wouldn't say that. There's all sorts of depressing steps before the end. You've got full-time nursing care.
Meemaw: Bye, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Assisted living.
Meemaw: Bye, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hospice.
Meemaw: Bye, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Life support.
Meemaw: Bye, John!
Dr. John Sturgis: Pulling the plug. [chuckles]
Meemaw: Bye, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Then... you make a miraculous recovery!
Meemaw: Great!
Dr. John Sturgis: But... the hospital bills leave you destitute!
Meemaw: Bye.
Dr. John Sturgis: Bye.

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] Oh, my goodness. Was anyone hurt?
Meemaw: No. But now I got no car for a while.
Dr. John Sturgis: You could ride your bike.
Meemaw: An old lady on a bike? That's not cool.
Dr. John Sturgis: Really? Then I won't ask how I look on one.
Meemaw: You look great.
Dr. John Sturgis: I know. I just wanted to hear you say it. [Meemaw chuckles]