Sheldon: Missy! You gave me your yips.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: I froze on a test. That's never happened before. It's all your fault.
Missy: I told you it's not contagious.
Sheldon: You put the thought in my head. The power of suggestion is very real. Case in point: tulip mania.
Missy: Here we go.
Sheldon: Tulip mania was an insane desire to buy and trade tulip bulbs in the 1600s. It nearly ruined the Dutch economy. You would not believe the gilders they were spending.

Sheldon: How are you today?
Sam: Since when do you care?
Sheldon: 12:07 yesterday. In light of the fact that we're both human beings and have a genetic interest in each other's prosperity, you may use my dorm room to study.
Sam: Wait, are you serious? That would be amazing.
Sheldon: Good. And does that make you feel more positive about me, less positive, or neutral?
Sam: Um, more, I guess.
Sheldon: Excellent.
Adult Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis may have been onto something. It did feel nice to be liked. Not as nice as knowing you're the smartest boy in Texas, but what was?

Sheldon: Oh. Says here Fort Stockton is home to the world's largest roadrunner statue, which is the stuff of nightmares. But they do have a restroom.

Sheldon: Mom?
Mary: Why are you still up?
Sheldon: Madame Curie is on the roof, and she's not wearing her hat.
Mary: You're just dreaming, baby.
Sheldon: But she'll be cold without her hat.
Mary: I'll give her mine. Now you go to sleep.
Sheldon: Mm, thanks, Mom. You're the best.

Missy: She's lying. She just said that to make you feel better. Mom doesn't lie.
Sheldon: Sure, she thinks the Earth was made in six days, but that's 'cause she's gullible, not a liar.

Meemaw: I tell you what. You go get a piece of paper and a pencil, I'll write it down for you.
George Sr.: Okay. It's happening!
Mary: That's the fastest I've seen him run.
Sheldon: It's the only time I've seen him run.

Mary: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, welcome.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you, Sheldon.
Mary: Sheldon, you think you might've let me know you invited company over for dinner?
Sheldon: I did think about it, but I was afraid you might say no.

Dr. Edward Pilson: Okay, Sheldon, this first battery of tests measures basic problem-solving abilities.
Sheldon: Is the Kaufman test or the Wechsler Intelligence Scale?
Dr. Edward Pilson: Are you familiar with those?
Sheldon: It's embarrassing, but I enjoy a little light reading in the bathroom.

Dr. Barrett: This is a nice surprise. I don't usually see young people at my lectures.
Paige: I enjoyed your paper on accelerator mass spectrometry, and wanted to find out more.
Dr. Barrett: Is that so? And you?
Sheldon: I read this magazine.
Dr. Barrett: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: It has puzzles, too.
Dr. Barrett: Okay.

Stan: All right, I don't have the Sperry loafers in your size, but I do have the Hush Puppies.
Sheldon: I don't wear brown Hush Puppies penny loafers, I wear brown Sperry penny loafers.
Stan: But they're exactly the same.
Sheldon: Well, do they come in a box that says Sperry penny loafers? Because that one says Hush Puppies.
Mary: Just try 'em on, honey.
Sheldon: What if I like them?
Mary: Well, then we'll get them.
Sheldon: All right, let's go over this again. I don't wear brown Hush Puppies penny loafers, I wear brown Sperry-
Mary: Would you give us a moment?
Stan: Happily.

Sheldon: Well, I for one plan to do something about it.
Tam: Like what?
Sheldon: I'm going to goof off, engage in horseplay, and if time permits, be quite immature.
Tam: If time permits?
Sheldon: I have homework, too.

Sheldon: Ooh, this is interesting. According to Socrates, all knowledge exists within the student and just needs to be drawn out through skillful questioning.
Tam: Are you saying I knew that before you even said it?
Sheldon: I don't know, did you?
Tam: Well, according to Socrates, you do know and the answer's inside you.
Sheldon: Well, then, ask me a skillful question to draw it out.
Tam: Do you know if I knew before I knew?
Sheldon: No.
Tam: Hey, it works.
Sheldon: It does.

Sheldon: All right, let's try this again. Would you be ready to learn some advanced calculus if it saved Celeste's pigtails?
Missy: What are you doing? Put her down.
Sheldon: Not until I modify your behavior.

Mary: Care to explain yourself?
Sheldon: I was trying to motivate Missy to expand her intellectual horizons.
Mary: By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll?
Sheldon: Well, it's not like I shocked her with electrodes, which was an option.
Mary: Enough.
Sheldon: To be clear, I meant to shock Missy, not the doll. That would be ineffective.
Mary: Enough!

Nurse Robinson: What?
Sheldon: Do you know where my mother is?
Nurse Robinson: I think she went down to the cafeteria. What do you need?
Sheldon: I can't sleep.
Nurse Robinson: Did you try counting sheep?
Sheldon: Oh, no, I'm afraid of farm animals.
Nurse Robinson: Of course you are.

Sheldon: Georgie, question: In the hallway earlier today, were you upset or hungry?
George Jr.: Shut up.
Sheldon: That's hungry.

Sheldon: Well, my mother didn't do anything differently.
Tam: Are you gonna eat it?
Sheldon: Better. I'm going to do science on it.
Tam: I would eat it.

Sheldon: Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance. I pledge allegiance to the Flag Of the United States of America And to the Republic for which it stands One Nation Here's a fun fact about the next two words: "Under God" wasn't added to the Pledge of Allegiance until 1954. My first act as your president is to remove the words "under God" from the Pledge in order to honor the separation of church and state in this public high school.
Principal Petersen: Okay, that's enough.
Sheldon: You can't take my microphone. I'm the president.

Mary: Shelly? Shelly? Everything okay?
Sheldon: [nasally voice] Hunky-dory. Why?
Mary: Well, you're kind of dressed like you kidnapped yourself.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm trying to block out sensory input. I hit a roadblock determining whether virtual particles have a fixed mass or violate momentum conservation. But then I remembered that Nikola Tesla believed that isolation is where ideas are born.
Mary: Who's Nikola Tesla?
Sheldon: One of the most prolific scientists of the 20th century.
Mary: Okay. And, um just out of curiosity, how isolated was he?
Sheldon: Oh, highly. He found human contact revolting.
Mary: [sigh] Well, that's kind of a lonely way to live, don't you think?
Sheldon: Well, he wasn't entirely alone. At the end of his life, he became good friends with a brown pigeon.

Mary: Let me try this a different way. Um, do you ever feel paranoid, like people are out to get you?
Sheldon: I'm a ten-year-old in high school people are out to get me.
Mary: That's fair.