Mary: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, welcome.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you, Sheldon.
Mary: Sheldon, you think you might've let me know you invited company over for dinner?
Sheldon: I did think about it, but I was afraid you might say no.

Missy: What's it like to not believe in God?
Sheldon: It's great. Big fan.
Missy: Are you ever afraid you're wrong?
Sheldon: About religion? Never. About other things? Also never.

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Mary: Let's say grace.
Sheldon: Hang on, safety first. [puts mittens on]
George Jr.: When are you gonna get over that?
Sheldon: I would think recent events would make you value protection.
Mary: Enough.

Meemaw: This is delicious, but you were not kidding about the spice. I'm about to break a sweat here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, here's something you might find interesting. Spicy food is typically found in warmer climates because it induces sweating, which in turn, cools people off.
Meemaw: So what does the runny nose do for me?
Dr. John Sturgis: It allows me to, uh, gallantly offer you my handkerchief.
Meemaw: You are such a gentleman.
Dr. John Sturgis: When I was younger, I read a book on etiquette. That's how I know that if I ever have an audience at the Vatican, I should wear evening attire or a sack coat.
Meemaw: I don't know what a sack coat is, but I'm sure you'd look handsome in it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you.

George Sr.: So, Dr. Sturgis, Sheldon tells us you're a guest professor at the university.
Dr. John Sturgis: I am.
Mary: Hmm. Does that mean that you're only here temporarily?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that's the plan for now. But I could be enticed to stay.
Sheldon: Meemaw, I do believe there was subtext there. Did you pick up on it?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Sheldon: Was I correct to infer there was subtext there?
Dr. John Sturgis: You were.
Sheldon: Okay, we're all good.

Dr. John Sturgis: You weren't kidding. Spaghetti and hot dogs is delightful.
Sheldon: Even better since Mom perfected the chunk ratio.