Missy: Eat dirt. Eat it.
Meemaw: Kick his ass!
Missy: Does it taste good? Huh?
Dale: Yeah, listen to your meemaw. Kick his ass!
Missy: You gonna cry? Huh? Do it. Cry.
Mary: Do something. Break it up.
George Sr.: H-Hang on. She's winning.
Mary: Missy! Missy Cooper, you stop beating up that boy!
Meemaw: Punch him in the nuts!

Missy: Tell you what, Jody. Why don't you go upstairs to your daddy's bedroom, and see how much is in his wallet? Don't worry, it's not stealing if it's for God.

Mary: What's all this?
Sheldon: An extra layer of protection.
Meemaw: Protection from what?
Mary: Sweetie, is someone bothering you?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mary: Who is it?
Sheldon: I'd rather not talk about it.
Mary: No, I want a name right now.
George Sr.: Mary.
Mary: Have you been hurting him?
Missy: Only with my words.

George Sr.: What are you doing?
Missy: Watching Sheldon struggle with homework. It's so great.

Missy: I don't want to die. I've only kissed one boy so far.
Mary: What?
Missy: Relax. It was a long time ago.
George Sr.: Are you relaxed?

Missy: Where is everyone?
George Sr.: Georgie's out and Sheldon's at the university with Meemaw.
Missy: A lot of pressure on me to keep things fun.

George Sr.: Boy, I am stuffed.
Missy: You know, if you're too full to drive, I could help.
George Sr.: You're not driving my truck.
Missy: Come on. Just here in the parking lot?
George Sr.: No.
Missy: Please, Daddy?
George Sr.: I know what you're doing.
Missy: Creating memories that'll last a lifetime?

Missy: So, this Dr. Lee is turning your friends against you?
Sheldon: Essentially.
Missy: Classic move. Most girls you find crying in the school bathroom, that was it.
Sheldon: What do I do?
Missy: Well, you're in a tough spot 'cause your personality is ugh.
Sheldon: There's enough people being mean to me right now.
Missy: Sorry.
Sheldon: Can you help me or not?
Missy: It's you against a bunch of college professors. I don't think you can win this one. [Sheldon starts to walk away] Oh. Do any of them have pimples?
Sheldon: No.
Missy: Too bad, I've done a lot of damage with "pizza face."

Mary: Missy, how was practice?
Missy: So good.
Meemaw: Tell us everything.
Missy: The boys were a little mean at first, but I handled it.
[flashback:]
Missy: Can I warm up with you?
Rick: I don't play baseball with girls.
Missy: Really? Your friend's playing with one.
Luke: Ooh!
[back]
Meemaw: I am so proud of you.

Mary: Missy, don't forget that you have to pick out a present for that birthday next week.
Missy: Mom, it's "Melissa" now.
Mary: [to Brenda] Middle school.

Sheldon: True or false? At times, you have referred to yourself as being dumb.
Missy: True.
Sheldon: And do you enjoy feeling that way?
Missy: No.
Sheldon: Well, let me change that. I'm presenting you with an opportunity to achieve the full potential of your mind.
Missy: Are you gonna do some experiment where we switch brains?
Sheldon: No.
Missy: 'Cause I've seen it on Gilligan's Island and I've seen it on The Flintstones and it never goes well.

Missy: I think Pastor Jeff and Mrs. Sparks might be talking about Billy.
Mary: What's going on with Billy?
Missy: He's been getting in trouble at school.
Mary: How is that fun?
Missy: It's gossip. Gossip's fun.
Mary: [sighs] Poor thing. Brenda did say he was having trouble adjusting. Maybe I should see if she's doing okay later.
George Sr.: Great idea. [to Missy] I'm not walking, good job.

George Sr.: What are y'all up to?
Sheldon: Just helping Mom with some church work.
George Sr.: Well, aren't you two great kids.
Missy: We like to think so.

Paige: Let's go to the mall.
Sheldon: Mom doesn't like the mall.
Missy: She says the mannequins don't have enough clothes on, but I think it's 'cause we're poor.
Sheldon: We are poor. I do our taxes.

Sheldon: Okay. Each player alternates naming a state while Hula-Hooping. The first player who can't name a state or drops the Hula-Hoop loses. Ready, set, go.
Missy: Texas.
Sheldon: Darn it.
Missy: So I won?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: Good. 'Cause I was just gonna say "Texas" again.

Mary: Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive and bless the hands that prepared it.
Missy: And bless Mom.
Mary: Thank you. Amen.
Missy: Amen.
George Jr.: Amen.
Sheldon: She's the hands that prepared it. Your blessing is redundant.
Mary: Let's eat.

George Sr.: The trick is not to make eye contact.
Missy: Tell him.

Meemaw: Okay, who's excited?
George Jr.: I don't want to see Sheldon's stupid play, it's humiliating.
Missy: That's why I want to see it.

Missy: So it's not gonna be scary?
Mary: It will, but without all the blood and gore.
Missy: But I like blood and gore.

Dale: So, how does this work?
Sheldon: You start by creating your character.
Missy: I want to be a Ninja Turtle Princess of Power.
Meemaw: Put me down for that, too.
Sheldon: You have to choose from one of the character classes. There's thief, druid, paladin, wizard...
Missy: Ooh, wizard. I want that.
Sheldon: All right.
Missy: Then I'll use my magic to turn me into a Ninja Turtle Princess of Power.
Sheldon: No.