Sheldon: Do people know about this?
Meemaw: Sheldon, what's on a person's face is not always what's in their heart.
Sheldon: Well, this changes everything. How do you know who to trust?
Meemaw: You don't. That's what makes life interesting.

George Jr.: Hey, now that you're treating him like an adult, can I have his allowance?
George Sr.: That allowance is for chores, which you already don't do.
George Jr.: Come on. We all know I'm your favorite.
Meemaw: You're not even his third favorite.

George Sr.: You don't always win in life, he needs to learn that.
Mary: I know, but these are big feelings for a little boy.
George Sr.: They're feelings everybody has. It's part of growing up.
Mary: I guess.
Sheldon: Poodle poop!
Meemaw: Okay. Somebody's got to teach this kid to swear, it's embarrassing.

George Sr.: If we take him to a shrink, it feels like we're admitting something's wrong with him.
Mary: He hasn't had solid food in five weeks.
Meemaw: Well, if there is something wrong with him, it ain't constipation.

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George Sr.: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Meemaw: I'm Sheldon Cooper's grandmother and, uh, I need to take him out of school today.
Diane: Sure. What's the reason?
Meemaw: His Aunt Emelda's not doing well, and has asked to see him 'fore she goes.
Diane: Oh, I am so sorry. Does she want to see his older brother also?
Meemaw: Nah. She doesn't like him as much.

Meemaw: Look, you haven't even gotten to the worst part of it yet. They're gonna leave home. They're gonna move to another city.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
Meemaw: They're gonna tell you their loser boyfriend has knocked them up. Just to be clear, that would be you.
Mary: Sorry.
Meemaw: Turned my hair gray overnight.
Mary: I said sorry. Clearly, you're not in the mood to help.
Meemaw: Listen, it's hard being a parent, but if you do it right, they don't need you anymore.
Mary: Well, I don't like that. I get it, but I just don't like it.
Meemaw: Well, I'd point out, you'll always have your husband, but you want me to be "helpful".

Sheldon: Do you think a Spock could become a Kirk?
Meemaw: Well, in my experience, most people stay the miserable bastards they are their whole entire life. But I have seen some folks change.

Meemaw: Mind if I take a crack at catching the Road Runner?
Mary: What are you gonna do that I couldn't do?
Meemaw: Oh, a little trick I learned trying to get prairie dogs out of the hole. Of course we'd whack off their heads with a golf club. I'm not gonna do that to Sheldon.

Meemaw: Okay, here you go. I got you a shovel and a bucket and some gloves.
Sheldon: Did you check the gloves for spiders?
Meemaw: Is this my first day as Meemaw?

Meemaw: I could buy it for him, and then y'all could pay me back when you can.
George Sr.: Okay, Connie, now you're just insulting me.
Meemaw: Well, that was not my intention, but I'm glad to hear it.

George Sr.: The little Sparks girl?
Mary: You're kidding. She seems so sweet.
George Jr.: He says she slaps him around, takes his lunch money. She even put a tadpole down his shirt.
Meemaw: Poor kid. He tucks in those shirts.

Meemaw: Okay, I'm here. What's up?
George Sr.: Sheldon won't get out of bed, and I'm gonna be late for work. He's gonna be late for school.
Meemaw: So you want me to get him up and drive him?
George Sr.: Yeah.
Meemaw: I like it better when I just come eat your food and leave.

Sheldon: I've been corresponding with Dr. John Sturgis at East Texas Tech. He said I could audit his course.
Meemaw: You're pen pals with a stranger? Is this okay?
Sheldon: He's not a stranger. He's a famous scientist. He carbon-dated the oldest human feces.
Meemaw: That ain't strange.

Meemaw: So I saw a lawyer today.
Mary: Why?
Meemaw: I'm putting together my last will and testament.
George Sr.: We're gonna miss ya.
Mary: George.
Meemaw: Don't worry. I ain't leaving him squat.

Mary: I don't want my little boy in some car with a teenager behind the wheel.
George Sr.: All high school kids drive.
Mary: Yeah? Well, I don't like it. Would you let me get in a car with a stranger when I was young?
Meemaw: Well, nobody ever asked you out, so it didn't really matter.

Brenda Sparks: Well, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't be inferring there's something wrong with my Billy.
Meemaw: Darlin', there's no inferring. I've seen the boy sitting in the dirt eating his own belly button lint.

Meemaw: Mary, I'm gonna run and go get my video camera. Don't catch him till I get back.

Meemaw: [singing] Oh, say, does that star-spangled banner, Yet wave-

Meemaw: [singing] You're a grand old flag, You're a high-flying flag, And forever in peace may you wave, You're the emblem of the land I love, The home of the free.