[Sheldon sits on the top of the couch with his feet on the cushion]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm practicing the philosophy of cynicism... The ancient Greek view that the rules of society should be ignored.
Missy: If you're gonna break rules, you can do better than that.
Sheldon: How?
[Missy pushes Sheldon off the couch]

Missy: Eat dirt. Eat it.
Meemaw: Kick his ass!
Missy: Does it taste good? Huh?
Dale: Yeah, listen to your meemaw. Kick his ass!
Missy: You gonna cry? Huh? Do it. Cry.
Mary: Do something. Break it up.
George Sr.: H-Hang on. She's winning.
Mary: Missy! Missy Cooper, you stop beating up that boy!
Meemaw: Punch him in the nuts!

Missy: Someone's Underoos are in a knot.
Sheldon: My Underoos are fitting just fine, thank you.
Missy: Then why is there a stick up your butt?
Sheldon: Stop making inquiries about my bottom.
Missy: But I enjoy it.

George Sr.: All right, see, when you get tackled in your own end zone, the other team gets two points and the ball. That's called a safety.
Missy: I thought one of the players was a safety.
George Sr.: Well, that's true, too.
Missy: I'm confused.
George Sr.: Now you know how I feel when you talk about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Missy: What's confusing? Everything you need to know is in the title.

Meemaw: Okay, I'm here. What's up?
George Sr.: Sheldon won't get out of bed, and I'm gonna be late for work. He's gonna be late for school.
Meemaw: So you want me to get him up and drive him?
George Sr.: Yeah.
Meemaw: I like it better when I just come eat your food and leave.

Meemaw: Shelly, Dr. Sturgis is on the line for you.
Sheldon: Maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but very well. [takes phone] Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] Hi, Sheldon. I hear you're going through some sort of existential crisis.
Sheldon: I suppose so. I just don't know if we can tell what's real or not. And if nothing's real, I don't know what to think or if I'm even thinking at all.
Dr. John Sturgis: I went through something similar once.
Sheldon: Really? What happened?
Dr. John Sturgis: I was trekking through the Amazon, and I saw two frogs, one hallucinogenic and the other not. [chuckles] I tried to lick the normal one, and, by mistake, I licked the hallucinogenic one. It really rocked my world.
Sheldon: Why would you lick either of them?
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm not sure. Probably low blood sugar. But the point is, I also lost track of reality.
Sheldon: How did you handle it?
Dr. John Sturgis: I saw a jaguar, and I realized I didn't care if it was real or not. I just hauled my tushy out of there.
Sheldon: I appreciate the call. I'm giving you back to my meemaw now.
Dr. John Sturgis: Bye!
Meemaw: [quietly on the phone] Hey, John, any luck?
Dr. John Sturgis: Not unless you have access to a jaguar.
Meemaw: I don't think I do.
Dr. John Sturgis: Really, any jungle cat will do.

Adult Sheldon: While my meemaw wasn't able to acquire a jungle cat, the idea of tormenting a child did tickle her Texan fancy.
Meemaw: [singsong] Sheldon. [chicken clucking] I have someone else who wants to talk to you.
Sheldon: What are you doing with that filthy thing?
Meemaw: Why do you care? If nothing is real, then neither is the chicken. [Sheldon jumps out of bed] Oh. Good. We're standing now. That's progress.
Sheldon: Get her out of here.
Meemaw: Well, I would, but... [chuckles] apparently, I can't know what "here" is. So maybe I could just... set her on your bed.
Sheldon: Okay! Okay. I'll get dressed.
Meemaw: Make it snappy.
Sheldon: This still doesn't solve my existential crisis.
Meemaw: Say what? You want to hold her?
Sheldon: [gasps] No.
Meemaw: Less talk. More pants.