Mary: I brought you a snack.
Missy: Thanks.
Mary: So, I don't know if you heard me and your father having a disagreement last night...
Missy: A "disagreement"?
Mary: Fine. A spat. Okay, a fight. I just want you to know that you do not need to worry.
Missy: It's kind of hard not to.
Mary: Uh, sometimes moms and dads have fights, but it doesn't mean that they don't work things out.
Missy: Did you work it out?
Sheldon: [o.s.] We're home.
Mary: Eat your cookies.

Mary: Just tell me her name, and I'll drop it forever.
George Sr.: You swear?
Mary: You know I don't swear.
George Sr.: You promise?
Mary: Absolutely.

Mary: Fine, but I want you here for dinner every night, and if your grades slip, you are done.
George Jr.: Thank you.
Mary: Now go wash up. And don't get grease all over my towels.

Brenda Sparks: If you're looking for your mother, her league's not today.
Mary: Actually, I'm here for you.
Brenda Sparks: Why's that?
Mary: I saw in the classifieds that you're looking for help. I would like to apply.
Brenda Sparks: [scoffs] You don't want to work here. I mean, there's a bar. God hates that.
Mary: Jesus turned water into wine. I think he'd be cool with it.
Brenda Sparks: Well, you know, it's... it's actually a pretty boring job. It's mostly payroll and bookkeeping.
Mary: That is exactly what I did at the church.
Brenda Sparks: Mm-hmm.
Mary: In fact, you might say it's right up my alley.
Brenda Sparks: I don't know, Mary. We're neighbors. Is this a good idea?
Mary: Honestly... everything is falling apart. I just need one good thing to happen.

Meemaw: I think you might be getting way ahead of yourself.
Mary: I'm telling you, I just know.
Meemaw: You were also convinced that Georgie was gonna be a girl.
Mary: That's true. Although he does have very pretty hair.

Meemaw: Why don't you just get a babysitter?
Mary: Kinda defeats the purpose of making extra money.
Meemaw: Oh, yeah, right. All right, let's think about it. Georgie.
Mary: Football practice. And I don't trust him when I'm home.

Mary: She is almost twice your age.
Sheldon: There are people five times my age that are stupider than me.
Mary: This is not about being smart.
Sheldon: What else is there?
Mary: Well there's other kinds of maturity.

Mary: So your father tells me you've been reading a new book?
Sheldon: I am. It's about how to make friends.
Mary: Is that something you're interested in?
Sheldon: Not really, but Missy told me it makes you sad that I don't have any.
Mary: Oh. I got to sew that girl's mouth shut.

George Sr.: Mary? Relax. I can take care of my son.
Mary: I know.
George Sr.: Good.
Mary: I'm just saying, if he's upset or nervous, he can get all clogged up.
George Sr.: I won't let that happen.

Mary: That's enough. No one's adopted.
Missy: I wish I was.
Mary: That can still be arranged.

Mary: Baby, there's something I need to tell you. Dr. Sturgis is not in the kind of hospital you think he is.
Sheldon: What kind of hospital is he in?
Mary: The psychiatric kind.
Sheldon: Why? What's going on?
Mary: He was having some issues, but he's getting the help he needs, and I'm sure he's gonna be fine.
Sheldon: And you think since he and I are both gifted, I'm going to end up like him?
Mary: Well, it it crossed my mind. Sheldon, you're my baby. It is my job to worry about you. I can't help it.
Sheldon: I'm sorry I cause you so much concern.
Mary: I'm not. Oh. [hugging Sheldon]
Dr. Goetsch: See how valuable a little communication can be?
Mary: You do not take credit for this.

Mary: I'm gonna take Shelly back home so that Billy can get back to his party.
Brenda Sparks: Eh. You know, they're having fun out there.
Sheldon: Gallus gallus domesticus pooped on my uniform! The mission is compromised!
Brenda Sparks: Maybe take him home.
Mary: Yeah.

George Jr.: What are you eating?
Sheldon: An English muffin with ketchup and spray cheese.
George Jr.: No fair.
Missy: Lucky.
Mary: Sorry I spent an hour making meatloaf.

Mary: Okay, calm down. Now, you listen to me, you shouldn't have lied. It's always wrong. But you made up for it by telling me the truth.
Sheldon: So, you forgive me?
Mary: I do, but I need you to do me a favor. As far as your father is concerned, you were sick.
Sheldon: Isn't that lying?
Mary: Honestly? No.

Principal Petersen: George, you got any thoughts here?
George Sr.: I certainly do. Mary, tell him.
Mary: It's simple. We don't have a choice.
Principal Petersen: Well, you gave it a shot. We wish you luck with Sheldon elsewhere-
Mary: No, no, no. We don't have a choice. He's got to stay here. We can't afford private school. I sure can't homeschool him. He's doing calculus and Euclidean something or other.
Ms. Ingram: Euclidean geometry. Guess where I learned that.
Mary: Yeah, yeah, we know.

Mary: (to the guy who doubted Sheldon's tactics) Oh, booyah!

Mary: I hope you'll forgive me, I just wanted to meet the person driving my nine-year-old son to Houston.
Libby: I understand.
Tam: Me, too.
Mary: I wasn't talking to you, Tam.

Mary: Okay, well You have a good day. And I'll pick you up after school, same door we came in.
Sheldon: Are you crying or having an allergy attack?
Mary: Allergies.
Sheldon: It's probably the ammonia.
Mary: Probably.

Meemaw: Hang on, y'all are trying to scare people into joining the church?
Mary: Yeah. But people like getting scared on Halloween anyway. Why not make 'em jump in the right direction?
Sheldon: Actually, fear has been a recruiting tactic used by organized religion for centuries. When you add guilt to keep people in line, it's an extremely efficient form of crowd control.
Mary: Our religion is based on love, Sheldon, not fear.
Sheldon: So what happens when people don't follow the rules?
Mary: They burn in hell. Because God loves 'em.

Mary: Really? It was his first attempt at taxidermy. He was so proud.
Meemaw: If it has sentimental value to you, I'll let you have it for five dollars.
Mary: Ooh. For this nasty thing?