Mary: Oh, Lord, I missed you.
George: Oh-ho. I missed you, too.
Mary: I was talking to the bed. [George laughs]
George: Been a while since we've been apart so long.
Mary: Oh, I know.
George: A long time for a man to be without his wife.
Mary: George, I want to, but I just spent 18 hours with you know who. I need to sleep.
George: Understood. Wouldn't take long, but understood.
Mary: I promise, if you wait, it'll be worth it. I might even have a little surprise for you.
George: Ooh, I like the sound of that. All right, I can wait. [chuckles] But if you can't wait, just give me a poke in the ribs. I'll be ready right quick.

Mandy: Hey, where's Sheldon?
Missy: Probably out in the garage.
George: Should someone tell him breakfast is ready?
Mary: Oh, no, this is lovely.
[Missy, Mandy, Georgie and George all look at Mary]
Mary: Uh, let him sleep, jet lag and all.
Georgie: Hmm, the whole summer with him was enough, huh?
Mary: If you want me to get him, I'll go get him.
Missy: That's okay.
George: No, it's fine.
Mandy: Okay.

George: You know, honey, nothing much you can do about a broken toe. Unless you think Reverend Travis can fix it.
Mary: Maybe I'll stick it up your butt.
George: Mary Cooper. Language.
Mary: I'm going to bed.
[The window shatters as a firework flies through the window and hits Mary in the butt, knocking her over]
Mary: Ah!
[cut to Pastor Jeff opening his front door:]
Mary: I'm in. My bottom is scorched, don't look at it.

Mary: Good morning. [Missy grunts] Since when do you drink coffee?
Missy: Since I didn't get any sleep last night.
Mary: Aw, honey. Bad dreams?
Missy: I wish. I had to hear people doing it all night.
Mary: Oh. You heard that?
Missy: Yes, and it was disgusting.
Mary: I'm sorry. It's just that your father and I were apart all summer...
Missy: Oh, my God. I was talking about Mandy and Georgie.
Mary: Oh. Right.

Audrey: You people don't even dance. What kind of a wedding is that?
Mary: It is about the union of two souls, not doing the hokeypokey.
Jim: Well, George, it was nice while it lasted.
George: Yeah, you take care of yourself.
Audrey: Hell of a lot more fun than a reception with no alcohol.
Mary: That's all you people care about, drinking.
Audrey: Jesus drank wine!
Mary: Well, he probably had to to put up with people like you!

Mandy: Sounds like things went better with my parents.
Mary: Yes. All good. We were both being stubborn before.
Mandy: Yeah, I know this is hard, but... thank you for letting us make our own decisions for our kid.
Mary: Mm-hmm. [throat breaks]
Mandy: You okay?
Mary: Yeah, yeah. Mm. But, um... there's something you should know. CeeCee... accidentally got splashed here in the sink this morning.
Mandy: So what?
Mary: Uh, Pastor Jeff did the splashing while he was baptizing her. [Mandy gasps] That's all.

Mary: Oh. Hi.
Audrey: Why do you have the baby?
Mary: Um... It's kind of a long story.
Audrey: Why do you have the baby?
Mary: My mother was arrested, she's in jail.
Audrey: I can't get a straight answer from anybody in this family.

Meemaw: Look, I got to knock out my community service, and they say I can do it at the church.
Mary: That's great. We'd love to have you.
Meemaw: Or you could just fill out my timesheets and we would be done with the whole thing. Easy peasy.
Mary: I'm not lying for you. That's a sin.
Meemaw: Oh, come on. 180 hours at my age? Who knows if I've even got that much time left.
Mary: Well, then it's a good thing that we're gonna get to spend so much of it together.

Mary: Well, we are so happy to babysit. In fact, if you want to go to dinner after the movie, that's fine with us.
Mandy: Aw, thanks, but we're trying to save money.
Mary: George, give them some money so they can go to dinner.
George: [quietly] We're already babysitting for free.
Mary: But we never get to see this little one, because her mean Mommy and Daddy moved her away.
Mandy: Well, Mommy and Daddy have their own bathroom now, so...
George: Oh, that's the dream right there.

Sheldon: I'm pretty booked up, but I'll try and pencil you in if time permits.
Mary: I bought the outfits, I booked the photographer. You're doing it.
George: Doing what?
Missy: That bluebonnet photo.
George: Aw, come on. I don't want to.
Missy: If he doesn't have to...
Mary: We are all doing it, and we're all gonna be happy whether you like it or not.