Sheldon: Meemaw got punched in the face because of me.
Mary: No, that wasn't because of you, and for the record, your meemaw gets punched in the face all the time.

Missy: "Dear Sheldon and Missy, thank you for coming to my party. I liked playing with Mr. Spock and watching Missy throw up Kool-Aid in the bushes." Still tasted like cherry. "My mother also threw up, but that was because of wine. My dad says she drinks because"-
Mary: Okay, that's nice.
Missy: But there's more.
Mary: No, there's not.
Sheldon: Guess we'll never know why she drinks.

Sam: What brings you here?
Mary: [chuckles] Sheldon's freshman orientation.
Sam: Oh, sure.
Mary: Mm-hmm.
Sam: You didn't want to go with him?
Mary: I did, but, uh, he made it very clear that he did not want me anywhere near him today.
Sam: Well, I don't know Sheldon well, but he can be a little...
Mary: Rude, obnoxious, condescending?
Sam: Oh, hey, I do know him. [both laugh]

Pilot: [v.o.] Sorry for the delay. We hope to be wheels up in about 20 minutes.
Sheldon: That's what he said 20 minutes ago.
Mary: Nothing we can do.
Sheldon: If we don't take off soon, we'll miss our connecting flight to Houston.
Mary: It's out of our hands. I'd tell you whose hands it's in, but you don't like that.

Mary: I can't help feeling like something's wrong with me.
Meemaw: What are you talking about?
Mary: [sighs] I know it doesn't make sense, but... I am mad at him for leaving me.
Meemaw: Yeah, I get that.
Mary: You do?
Meemaw: I was mad at your daddy when he passed.
Mary: How did you get over it?
Meemaw: Time. And Dale helps. Don't tell him, please.
Mary: I'm happy you found each other.
Meemaw: You're still young, honey.
Mary: No. [clears throat] That's it for me. I'm done.

Mary: Excuse me. Did you sell this to my son?
Glenn: I don't know. Who's your son?
Mary: The little boy in the corner.
Glenn: Which one?
Mary: Sheldon Cooper.
Glenn: Oh. Yeah.
Mary: Look at him! He is the same size as one of the dolls you sell here.
Glenn: Those are action figures.

Mary: All I care about is that my son gets the education he deserves, so you all are gonna have to figure this out.
Principal Petersen: Coach, can you help me out here, please? 'Cause I'm dyin'.
George: I'd rather not.

[in bed together]
George: Hot damn!
Mary: George, language!

Georgie: Mom, you need to sign this consent form.
Mary: What's it for?
Georgie: Field trip.
Mary: Where?
Georgie: Museum.
Mary: Which one?
Georgie: Does it matter? It's not like I'm gonna learn anything, anyway.
Sheldon: It's the planetarium at the science museum. And I need you to sign mine, too.
Mary: Oh. It's interesting that an adult would need his mother to sign a consent form.
Missy: And here we go.
Sheldon: I don't need you to sign it, the school does.
Mary: So you're saying even the school doesn't think that you're mature enough to make all your own decisions.

Mary: I just realized something. College applications cost money just to send in.
Sheldon: They do?
Mary: $50, $60 a pop. I don't believe you have that kind of money, do you?

George: All right. Everyone's upset, it's late. Maybe we should drop this for tonight?
Herschel Sparks: That's a good idea.
Mary: Okay. You just keep your dog away from my son.
George: There you go picking it up again.
Mary: I am sorry, but their dog broke into our home. Something he probably learned from your brother.
Brenda Sparks: How dare you.
Herschel Sparks: Okay, I think that's a good stopping point.

George: Famine. Famine would bring 'em in.
Mary: What do you know about famine?

Nora: Oh. Looks like you bit your cheek.
Sheldon: How do you know it's not scurvy?
Nora: Because you're not a pirate.

George: Why don't you dote on me like that?
Mary: Because he's my baby.
George: Well, I could be your baby.
Mary: Oh, now I have a stomachache.

Mary: Aw, baby, everything all right?
Georgie: I don't want to talk about it.
Mary: You might feel better if you do. Is it about a girl?
Georgie: How do you know?
Mary: Sometimes a mother can sense these things.