Sheldon: In the meantime, can I call AAA?
Mary: Can it please wait?
Sheldon: No.
Mary: [sighs] Card is in my purse.
Sheldon: You're what guys call "a keeper."

Darren: Do you play D&D?
Paige: No. I actually just sit in my dorm room and study because I have no friends.
Darren: That's a bummer.
Paige: Yeah. I think I'm gonna go. [exits]
Sheldon: Bye.
Darren: You should go after her.
Sheldon: Why? She's a bummer, you just said so.

Sheldon: Can you settle an argument? I said you're fine. Darren and Oscar said you're not fine.
Paige: [scoffs] Why wouldn't I be fine? I'm completely alone, and the one person I thought would understand is having the time of his life.
Sheldon: So... just to clarify...?
Paige: They're right, you're wrong.
Sheldon: Dang it.

Sheldon: I thought you were going back to Austin?
Paige: Uh, I'm not going back. I'm gonna drop out.
Sheldon: What? Where will you go?
Paige: I was thinking here, in your dorm.
Sheldon: Here?
Paige: Well, I mean, just for a couple days until I can figure out how to tell my mom.
Sheldon: I don't know.
Paige: Please? I don't have anywhere else to go, and... as embarrassing as this is to admit... you're the only person who can help me right now.
Sheldon: [sighs] Okay.
Paige: Thanks.
Sheldon: It's the least I can do. My life is going so much better than yours.

Sheldon: Paige is staying in my dorm room, and I'm making her a care package.
Missy: Why?
Sheldon: She wants to drop out of college, and she hasn't told her parents yet.
Missy: And she came to you?
Sheldon: She said I'm the only one who would understand.
Missy: Do you?
Sheldon: Nope.

Sheldon: Is this because Coach Ballard got upset and broke up with you?
Meemaw: No.
Dr. Linkletter: You two broke up? I'm sorry to hear that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Terrible news.
Dr. Linkletter: Terrible. Terrible.
Meemaw: It's okay. I'm over it.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent.
Dr. John Sturgis: Great.
Sheldon: Look at the four of us talking about Isaac Asimov!

Sheldon: [knocking] [o.s.] Hello?
Mary: Yeah, baby?
Sheldon: [o.s.] I was just wondering where everyone was.
Mary: Uh, we're just in here talking. We'll be out in a little bit. Everything okay?
Sheldon: [o.s.] I'm fine. But Missy's watching a movie called Porky's.
Mary: I don't know what that is.
George Jr.: That one's rough.
George Sr.: Not good.
Mary: I'll be right back in, baby.
Sheldon: Hmm. [walks away]

Mary: Let's say grace. Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive, and bless the hands that prepared it. Amen.
All: Amen.
Sheldon: I told Dr. Linkletter about Georgie.
George Jr.: Why'd y'all tell Sheldon?
Missy: They didn't. I figured it out.
George Jr.: Great. Now everyone knows.
Mary: Not everyone.
Sheldon: Just us and Dr. Linkletter.

Sheldon: What is that? A bug bite?
[fantasy: a man (Penn Gillette) addresses the camera from a large chair:]
A.V.: Hello, allow me to introduce myself. I am Acne Vulgarus. More commonly known as the pimple. Frankly, neither name paints a very pretty picture, but such is the life of a pustule. [a smaller man (Teller) is seated on a stool] And this is my longtime colleague, Pus. Now, we're usually associated with, uh, ugliness and discomfort, but I would argue we're actually a symbol of growth. In this case, Sheldon Cooper's ascent... or descent... into adulthood. Kind of a signpost that says, "You are now entering puberty." [Pus holds up a sign reading exactly that] Yeah, like that.

Mary: Doesn't look like a bug bite.
Missy: It's probably a pimple.
Sheldon: It's not, I don't get those.
[fantasy: A.V. continues to address the camera from his chair, while Pus is blowing up a balloon while seated on a stool:]
A.V.: As you might expect, we pimples are not very fond of popping things, but I was about to burst this young man's bubble. [Pus pops the balloon]
[reality:]
Missy: Oh, yeah, that's a zit.
Sheldon: No, it's not. My hygiene is impeccable.
Missy: Zit.
Mary: Everybody gets 'em sooner or later, baby.
Sheldon: I'm not everybody.
[fantasy:]
A.V.: No one is ever happy to see me. My therapist says that's their problem, not mine. [Pus rolls his eyes] But, honestly, it hurts. [Pus makes a mocking gesture] Pus? This is supposed to be a safe space. [Pus continues mocking A.V.]

[After Sheldon wakes up from his dream, he sits up in bed and uses his rope/pulley system to knock on Missy's bedroom wall.]
Missy: [over walkie-talkie] I hate you. This better be an emergency.
Sheldon: My pimple has me concerned about the future.
Missy: Not an emergency. Good night.
Sheldon: But we're twins and we have a special bond, so you can't ignore me in my time of need.
Missy: Watch me.
Sheldon: And I'm scared.
Missy: Damn it.

Adult Sheldon: My sister encouraged me to embrace adolescence as a journey of scientific discovery. I stood before a whole new teenage world of music, slang words and even clothing styles. [Sheldon removes a red Flash t-shirt] Pretty groovy, huh?
[Sheldon stands in front of his bedroom mirror wearing the red Flash t-shirt over a blue undershirt]
Sheldon: Wow, I might look too cool.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, Pete. You were saying?
Pete: Any chance your bread was past the expiration date?
Sheldon: No, it was brand-new. But I did a taste comparison after it was bought out by the Domestic Food Corporation, and they are definitely not the same.
Pete: Well, I can assure you that, "the recent acquisition by the Domestic Food Corporation has not affected the quality of our products in any way. Every single bread, baked good, and pastry is made with love. From our hearth to your home."
Sheldon: Then why does it taste different, Pete? Why?
Pete: Well, because now we make everything really cheap and fast. Bye.

Sheldon: Dad, would you care for a piece of gum?
George Sr.: No, thank you.
Sheldon: Please, take a piece of gum.
George Sr.: Why?
Sheldon: Just please. Bazinga.

Adult Sheldon: Once I was on the lookout for liars, I saw them everywhere.
William Shatner: [on TV] ...absolutely necessary.
Sheldon: You're not a captain. You're just an actor. Which is another word for liar.
William Shatner: [on TV] And nothing... is more important than my ship.
Sheldon: He's so darn good at it, though.

Sheldon: Starting today, I'm done helping the football team.
Tam: But if you do that, girls will no longer greet me like this. [head
Sheldon: I'll greet you like that.
Tam: It's not the same.

Dr. Hodges: Anything else?
Sheldon: Yes. I'd like a glass of water. It's time to take my Zantac.

George Jr.: This is really good, Meemaw.
Meemaw: Really good? You're spitting the best brisket in Texas all over the damn table.
Mary: Close your mouth when you eat.
Sheldon: Or aim your face the other way.

Sheldon: Oh dear, Big Bird.

George Sr.: Y-Your mom's at church. W-What do you want for dinner?
Sheldon: I believe you know what I want for dinner.
George Sr.: Is that right?
Sheldon: It's Thursday. What does Mom always make me on Thursdays?
George Sr.: Spaghetti and hot dogs?
Sheldon: [to the camera] Socrates. Got to love him.