Mary: Aw, baby. I'm so sorry you're havin' to deal with this.
Sheldon: It's okay. German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Mary: And do you feel stronger?
Sheldon: [contemplating] No.

Mrs. Costello: There's always Harvard.
Sheldon: Hmm. I don't like cold weather, but I do look good in maroon. All right, Harvard it is. Thank you for your help.

Meemaw: Hey, Shelly, how's it going over there?
Sheldon: I hate everything about this.

Sheldon: Did you know the word chauffeur is French for "stoker," because the first automobiles were steam-powered, and the driver had to stoke the engine?
Meemaw: Right there. Why am I driving you to college when you already know everything?

Meemaw: Here, have some tea.
Sheldon: Chamomile?
Meemaw: Yes.
Sheldon: One teaspoon of honey?
Meemaw: Yes.
Sheldon: An ice cube to cool it off?
Meemaw: I went with two today. You've been through enough.
Sheldon: [drinking] I prefer one ice cube.
Meemaw: Drink it!

Sheldon: Excuse me, Ms. Hutchins?
Ms. Hutchins: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Can you recommend any books on overcoming phobias?
Ms. Hutchins: That's in the self-help section. Follow me, I have read them all. Any phobia in particular?
Sheldon: Dogs.
Ms. Hutchins: Ah, cynophobia. That's a good one. Did you know there's over 50 million dogs just in the United States alone?
Sheldon: That's 50 million too many.

Sheldon: [on the phone with a veterinary practice] Yes, hello? Oh, that's too bad. How about a small fluffy one that's recently died of old age?

Mary: What are you gonna name him?
Sheldon: Fish.
Mary: Fish?
Sheldon: I'm not ready to get attached.

Missy: Fish are kind of boring.
Sheldon: I know, isn't it great?

Dr. John Sturgis: You weren't kidding. Spaghetti and hot dogs is delightful.
Sheldon: Even better since Mom perfected the chunk ratio.

George: So, Dr. Sturgis, Sheldon tells us you're a guest professor at the university.
Dr. John Sturgis: I am.
Mary: Hmm. Does that mean that you're only here temporarily?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that's the plan for now. But I could be enticed to stay.
Sheldon: Meemaw, I do believe there was subtext there. Did you pick up on it?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Sheldon: Was I correct to infer there was subtext there?
Dr. John Sturgis: You were.
Sheldon: Okay, we're all good.

Sheldon: Ew. Georgie, put your shoes back on!
Georgie: He can't smell this.
Sheldon: Yes, I can!

Sheldon: Do you know anything about surviving psychological torture?
Tam: Because my family escaped communist Vietnam, we have to know about torture?
Sheldon: That was my thought.

Sheldon: Now, since we'll be spending a few hours together, I've created a list of activities to keep us occupied. We'll start with a tour of my room, then board games, and, if time permits, you can look at and not touch my trains.

Sheldon: Or if you're interested, we could play a variant with a new piece I invented.
Paige: That sounds fun. What's the new piece?
Sheldon: A wizard. The wizard cannot be taken, and, at any point, he can teleport and switch places with any other piece.
Paige: Yes, but there's an obvious flaw.
Sheldon: What flaw?
Paige: Well, any time anyone is checkmated, they can simply have the wizard and their king switch places. So the game will never end.
Sheldon: I knew that. You passed my test.