Paige: This is fun. I don't get to have discussions like this with kids at my school. Do you?
Sheldon: No.
Paige: Do you ever wish you were just like everyone else?
Sheldon: Not at all.
Paige: [CHUCKLES] Me neither. I love being smarter than everyone.
Sheldon: Me, too.

Sheldon: Any more thoughts on Radio Shack?
Meemaw: Sheldon, do you really think this is the appropriate time to ask that question?
Sheldon: I did, but now I'm second-guessing myself.

Sheldon: Dad, banking question.
George: What's that, buddy?
Sheldon: I noticed there's a check missing. I have a copy of check 128 and a copy of check 130, but 129 isn't there.
George: Oh, yeah, don't worry about it.
Sheldon: But I enjoy worrying; I find it very relaxing.
George: 'course you do.

Sheldon: We've been friends for a while now, haven't we?
Tam: I suppose so.
Sheldon: Given that, how would you feel about a sleepover?
Tam: Sure. Your mom lets you watch TV. Jake and the Fatman is on tonight.
Sheldon: I meant we could sleep at your house.
Tam: But you'll miss Jake and the Fatman.
Sheldon: Even better. So what do you say?
Tam: I'll have to ask my mom.
Sheldon: Well, be sure to tell her I'm clean, I'm well-behaved, and if you don't have a lot of room, I can fit in really tight spaces.

George: Hey, here's a funny prank you can try tonight. When Tam falls asleep, put some shaving cream in his hand and then tickle his nose.
Sheldon: Why?
George: 'Cause then he'll go to, you know, scratch his nose, and he gets shaving cream on his face.
Sheldon: And then what?
George: Well that - that's it.
Sheldon: But I'm a guest in their home, and that doesn't seem like a very good way to repay their kindness.
George: Never mind.
Sheldon: And what if the shaving cream gets in his eyes? That would sting.
George: Sorry I mentioned it.
Sheldon: Also, I didn't bring my own shaving cream. I'd have to use his dad's, and that-
George: Forget it!

Sheldon: A lion sitting in a chair, holding a pipe.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Good. But what do you think is on his mind?
Sheldon: How should I know? Maybe he's wondering why he's posing for a silly picture instead of eating a gazelle.

Dr. Edward Pilson: Anything else?
Sheldon: What exactly are we doing here? I thought the purpose of this study was to find out how smart I am.
Dr. Edward Pilson: That's what we're doing, but there are different kinds of intelligence.
Sheldon: Poppycock! There's only one kind of intelligence.

Sheldon: Hearing that further convinces me I'll never get married.
George: Never say never.
Sheldon: Why not? You just said it twice.

George: All right, now, don't wander off. Pick you up right after the lecture's over.
Sheldon: Bye.
George: You gonna be okay by yourself?
Sheldon: I actually prefer it.
George: Yep. I'm leaving.
Sheldon: You keep saying that, but then you don't do it.
George: Bye.
Sheldon: He's so needy.

Paige: Do you think humans will become extinct like the dinosaurs?
Sheldon: Yes, but before that happens, some of us will merge with computers and become immortal cyborgs.
Paige: That's a fascinating idea.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Paige: Did you get that from a TV show?
Sheldon: No. [Paige stares at him] A comic book.

Sheldon: This is oddly reminiscent of a dinner with my family.
Paige: You're funny.
Sheldon: I know.

Paige: My family never eats dinner together.
Sheldon: Why not?
Paige: My dad always manages to come home from work after we're done.
Sheldon: Hmm. My dad never misses a meal.

Paige: Do you think Stone Age parents stayed together forever?
Sheldon: They had to. There were no lawyers.
Paige: [LAUGHS]
Sheldon: What?
Paige: That was funny.
Sheldon: Right, we've established I'm funny.

Paige: Well, I think my parents are getting a divorce.
Sheldon: Why?
Paige: They fight all the time.
Sheldon: About what?
Paige: Mostly me.
Sheldon: Hmm. That's too bad. I guess I'm lucky.
Paige: Why?
Sheldon: I'm the glue that holds our family together.

Meemaw: Fine. I'll just play by myself.
Sheldon: That's amusing.
Meemaw: Why?
Sheldon: I guess it's the juxtaposition of an old person using new technology; it tickles me.
Meemaw: What if this old person really tickles you?
Sheldon: [LAUGHING]: I'll play! I'll play!