Sheldon: Hello. Am I correct that the bus to Dallas has a stop in Rusk?
Stan: Yup.
Sheldon: I'd like to buy one ticket, please.
Stan: You need an adult to buy it.
Sheldon: Oh, I didn't know.
Stan: That's the rules.
Sheldon: I'm just trying to visit my friend in the hospital. Not the regular kind of hospital, a psychiatric hospital. He's actually a brilliant scientist in the field of theoretical physics. Dr. John Sturgis, you may have heard of him. Anyway, he's a great guy. We're almost the same height... And then he and my meemaw became a romantic item, not that there haven't been bumps in the road. I actually helped them by writing up a relationship agreement. I love drawing up contracts. But I don't love drawing. Interesting. Anyway, he doesn't drive. Maybe one day he'll take a bus and you'll get to meet him. Anyway... Even though I'm clearly her favorite grandchild, she swatted my bottom. It didn't hurt that much physically, but emotionally, it stung like the dickens.
Stan: Here you go. One ticket to Dallas with a stop in Rusk.
Sheldon: But that's against the rules.
Stan: I'm an adult, I bought it.
Sheldon: Ooh, a loophole. Thank you. I'd tell you all about the etymology of the word "loophole," but I have a bus to catch.

Sheldon: I started working on this presentation to address specific ethical dilemmas. The laws of robotics, whether torture can be justified, and cloning people for fun and spare parts. But I realized before resolving any of these moral quandaries, the real decision is who gets to decide. Do we put it up for a vote? Does everyone get to decide for themselves? Should it be by committee? Is that committee elected or appointed? You see where I'm going? You probably don't. For the smartest decision, we need the smartest person. Ladies and gentlemen, in the field of scientific ethics, we can't rely on democracy or plutocracy. We need an autocracy, or to be more precise, a "Sheldocracy." [slams fist] [military march plays]
Dr. John Sturgis: Um, I don't think this was the assignment.
Sheldon: Sorry, Dr. Sturgis, I pick the assignments now. Everybody, for next class, I want 500 words on what you can do to further the Sheldocracy. Punishment for typos will be severe.
Dr. John Sturgis: Class dismissed.
Sheldon: Hey, that's my line.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it isn't.
Sheldon: Why don't you see me after class. Class dismissed.

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Mary: You understand that some people are going to be intimidated by you, because of how smart you are?
Sheldon: Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect and make me their leader.

Georgie: What can I say? I'm entrepreneurialistic.
Veronica: Is that a word?
Georgie: I don't know. But if you got a lot of money, you get to make stuff up.

Sheldon: Tam, I need help navigating a social situation.
Tam: I'm eating lunch with you. You think I have the answer?
Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter invited me to a lecture on robotics, but my meemaw said he's only doing it to spend time with her.
Tam: Are you asking if men do sketchy things to get dates?
Sheldon: Yes.
Tam: Well, then, I can help you. Absolutely. Last week, I told Jessica Geiger I was an extra in Karate Kid Part II.
Sheldon: Did it work?
Tam: Again, I'm having lunch with you.

Sheldon: State troopers. I wonder what they want.
Adult Sheldon: It turns out they wanted me. Fun fact, this was one of seven times I was brought home by law enforcement. Once, on the back of a horse.