Missy: Do you know how to get to the hospital?
George Jr.: Yeah. It's right across the street from the Dairy Queen.
Sheldon: Which Dairy Queen?
George Jr.: What are you talkin' about?
Sheldon: There's two.
George Jr.: Really?

George Jr.: I ain't never getting married.
George Sr.: That so?
George Jr.: Yeah. Women are nothing but trouble.

George Sr.: This little tiff between your mom and me will blow over. Don't make a big deal of it.
George Jr.: I'm not. I'm just saying I'm better suited to the single life.
George Sr.: And how do you picture that?
George Jr.: Okay, well, you know the buffet at Golden Corral, where there's all kinds of choices and you can have as much as you want?
George Sr.: Yeah.
George Jr.: It'll be like that, only with hot girls.
George Sr.: Georgie, I'll bet you a thousand dollars you're married before you're 25.
George Jr.: You got a bet. I feel like I'm stealing your money.

George Jr.: Mom and Dad are fighting because you want to get a stupid computer.
Sheldon: What are you talking about?
George Jr.: Mom wanted to buy it for you, Dad said they couldn't afford it, Meemaw offered to pay for it, and now I'm eating pineapple spears for lunch. I hate making my own lunch.

George Jr.: [on tape] So, most people think you need expensive machines to work out, but I just use free weights. To be clear, they ain't free. You got to buy them.
Mary: Are you watching yourself work out?
George Jr.: I made an exercise video.
Mary: Why?
George Jr.: To sell.
George Jr.: [on tape] That's very important. Next, we're gonna do curls. 'Cause, like I always say, curls get the girls.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
George Jr.: What?
George Jr.: [on tape] You want to remember: squeeze it at the top.
George Jr.: People like it when things rhyme.

George Sr.: Well, I was thinking you and I could go grab a burger.
George Jr.: Why?
George Sr.: 'Cause I thought it'd be a nice thing to do.
George Jr.: Which restaurant?
George Sr.: Why does it matter?
George Jr.: Well, McDonald's burgers are fried, and sometimes I like flame-broiled.
George Sr.: Fine, we can go to Burger King.
George Jr.: I don't like the fries at Burger King. Ooh, Arby's has those curly fries. Shoot, they don't have burgers.
George Sr.: [tersely] Then let's go to Whataburger.
George Jr.: Okay, but I hope you're not this cranky the whole meal.
George Sr.: [exhales]

Computer: Hello, I am Eliza.
George Jr.: [typing] Eliza, are you hot?
Computer: In your fantasies, am I hot?
George Jr.: [typing] Oh yes.
Sheldon: You realize you're not talking to a real person.
George Jr.: Hey, get out of here. I'm about to score.

Mr. Givens: How come?
Sheldon: Because I'm disillusioned with the school system.
Mr. Givens: Georgie, do you know what's going on with him?
George Jr.: Actually, I'm trying to ignore it.

Veronica: Dustin broke up with me.
George Jr.: What?
Veronica: He said I was immature.
George Jr.: Is he crazy? Everything about you screams womanhood.

George Jr.: What's up?
Missy: I figured out you can put all kinds of candy in the machine. Try this.
George Jr.: Why is it brown?
Missy: It's butterscotch from Meemaw's candy bowl.
George Jr.: [scoffs] I think that candy's older than you.
Missy: Doesn't taste like it.
George Jr.: [eats] Not bad.

George Jr.: Hi. I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat at the Waffle House? Not like a date. But as someone who recently had his heart broke, I think I could help.
Veronica: Who broke your heart?
George Jr.: You did.
Veronica: Oh. Yeah.
George Jr.: I'm just saying, I know what you're going through. So if you need a friend with a pocket full of waffle money.

George Jr.: Can we put on Soul Train?
George Sr.: Why?
George Jr.: There's a girl on there I kind of want to marry.

Mr. Bustifer: Who is it?
George Jr.: Georgie Cooper.
Mr. Bustifer: Who?
George Jr.: I'm your neighbor.
Mr. Bustifer: The one with the chickens?
George Jr.: No.
Mr. Bustifer: The ones with that weird, smart kid?
George Jr.: Yeah, that's my brother.
Mr. Bustifer: I don't like that kid.
George Jr.: Neither do I, sir.

Mary: What are you doing?
George Jr.: Having coffee.
Mary: Uh, no, not in my house.
George Jr.: Oh, come on, the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup.
Mary: Put it down.
George Jr.: I can't drink coffee, I can't chew tobacco, is there anything I can do?
Mary: Yeah, quit talking.

Mary: What are you doing?
George Jr.: What's it look like? I'm here for Bible study.
Mary: Did you just take a shower?
George Jr.: No.
Mary: [SNIFFS] You did, too.
George Jr.: So I want to be clean for Jesus. Get off my back.

George Sr.: TV's asking me for some kind of code.
George Jr.: Yeah, that's the parental control lock.
George Sr.: So how do I take it off?
George Jr.: You don't. This is my cable that I bought with my money.
George Sr.: You got to be kidding me.
George Jr.: Here's an idea, how about you go read a book?
George Sr.: Oh, this isn't over, little man. Not by a long shot!

Veronica: Georgie.
George Jr.: So, listen, I was doing my prayers last night and, uh, you won't believe it, but I think God spoke to me.
Veronica: Really? What did he say?
George Jr.: Well, I couldn't understand all of it, 'cause it was in an ancient language, but the part I did understand is he wants us to spend more time together.
Veronica: Doing what?
George Jr.: Oh, you know, praying, helping the needy. Your usual Christian activities.
Veronica: Well, I'm okay with that.
George Jr.: Good. So you, me and God, we'll hang out.
Veronica: Sounds good.
George Jr.: Okay. See you later.
Veronica: See you.
George Jr.: I may be going to hell.

Sheldon: Why are we being sneaky? I thought you said we have permission.
George Jr.: We do. I just don't want anybody knowing about our platinum.
Sheldon: Smart. Last week, I bragged about having a Nutter Butter, and some rat stole it right out of my lunch bag.
George Jr.: Well, it sure wasn't me.

George Jr.: [inner monologue] My dearest Veronica- [out loud] No. [inner monologue] My beloved Veronica- [out loud] Better. It's got "love" in it.
[inner monologue] Every minute I'm away from you is an eternity. But it feels longer than that.
I can't eat, I can't sleep, it's like there's a hole in my heart that only your love can fill.
[out loud] So true.
[inner monologue] And yes, I know about Dustin, but he can't love you the way I do. Because my love is the kind of love that is true love. The kind that lovers feel when they're in love.
[out loud] Beautiful.
[inner monologue] So in conclusion, I hope, no, I pray, I hope and pray that you'll give me the chance to be the boyfriend you deserve. And when the time is right, I'm able to shower you with diamonds, houses, boats, and cars, the husband of your dreams. Loving you with my heart, my soul, and my lips, Georgie Cooper.

George Sr.: Going somewhere?
George Jr.: Alaska. Gonna work on the pipeline.
George Sr.: Alaska, huh? That-That's pretty far.
George Jr.: Not far enough, but it'll have to do.