George Jr.: Can we put on Soul Train?
George Sr.: Why?
George Jr.: There's a girl on there I kind of want to marry.

George Sr.: This little tiff between your mom and me will blow over. Don't make a big deal of it.
George Jr.: I'm not. I'm just saying I'm better suited to the single life.
George Sr.: And how do you picture that?
George Jr.: Okay, well, you know the buffet at Golden Corral, where there's all kinds of choices and you can have as much as you want?
George Sr.: Yeah.
George Jr.: It'll be like that, only with hot girls.
George Sr.: Georgie, I'll bet you a thousand dollars you're married before you're 25.
George Jr.: You got a bet. I feel like I'm stealing your money.

George Jr.: I ain't never getting married.
George Sr.: That so?
George Jr.: Yeah. Women are nothing but trouble.

George Jr.: Hey. What's goin' on?
Missy: Dad's in the hospital.
George Jr.: What? Why's Dad in the hospital?
Meemaw: He's gonna be fine.
Sheldon: He had chest pains.
Meemaw: He's gonna be fine.
George Jr.: What are we doin'? Why aren't we going to the hospital?
Meemaw: Nobody's goin' nowhere. We're just gonna stay calm, have a nice dinner, and wait for your mama to call and tell us what's what.
George Jr.: I'm not hungry.

Herschel Sparks: So, what's going on with your truck, other than the fact it's got 130,000 miles on it?
George Sr.: She's been running hot. I'm worried I need a new radiator.
Herschel Sparks: As your friend and neighbor, I hope not, but as a businessman, that'd be pretty sweet.
George Jr.: It could just be the thermostat not opening right.
Herschel Sparks: That is correct.
George Sr.: How'd you know that?
George Jr.: I took auto repair last year.
George Sr.: And you actually paid attention?
George Jr.: I'm as surprised as you are.

Mary: What are you doing?
George Jr.: What's it look like? I'm here for Bible study.
Mary: Did you just take a shower?
George Jr.: No.
Mary: [SNIFFS] You did, too.
George Jr.: So I want to be clean for Jesus. Get off my back.

Mary: What are you doing?
George Jr.: Having coffee.
Mary: Uh, no, not in my house.
George Jr.: Oh, come on, the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup.
Mary: Put it down.
George Jr.: I can't drink coffee, I can't chew tobacco, is there anything I can do?
Mary: Yeah, quit talking.

George Jr.: You might want to open a window.
George Sr.: Oh, boy.

George Jr.: [to a tire] Talk to me. Tell me where it hurts. [ESCAPING AIR STOPS] Gotcha.
George Sr.: I got goose bumps.

George Jr.: Just say hi, keep it casual, pretend like you don't care that much.
Missy: But I care the most.
George Jr.: See, that's gonna freak him out.
Missy: How do you know?
George Jr.: 'Cause it's freaking me out. Now go. [later, shouting:] No touching! That's right, you heard me!

Mary: Did you show your sister Footloose?
George Jr.: Did it work?
Mary: No!
George Jr.: Mm. Then no.
Mary: Oh!

Meemaw: Mean that much to you?
George Sr.: Mary and I were dating about a month when she brought me home for dinner. I took one bite of this brisket, and I knew I loved your daughter.
Mary: Gee, thanks.
George Jr.: Kind of like Sleeping Beauty, except Dad kissed meat.

Meemaw: Fine. You can be my assistant manager.
George Jr.: Oh, I like the sound of that.
Meemaw: So, it's a deal?
George Jr.: Well, hold on, how much you gonna pay me?
Meemaw: Did I mention that assistant manager comes with a spiffy nametag?
George Jr.: Does it also come with a spiffy paycheck?

Mary: I hope brisket's okay. Georgie wasn't too sure what kind of food you liked.
George Jr.: We didn't do a lot of eating when we were together.
[Mandy gives Georgie a dirty look]

George Jr.: They call it "Hot Dog on a Stick," but that's not the only food on a stick they sell.
Missy: It's not?
George Jr.: They also got cheese on a stick.

Missy: There he is again.
George Jr.: Why don't you go talk to him?
Missy: Are you crazy? Look how beautiful he is.
George Jr.: Sorry, the only guy I'm calling beautiful is me. And maybe David Hasselhoff.

George Jr.: [o.s.] It's actually a shampoo for ladies, but my hair just responds to it.

Jana: This is nice.
George Jr.: I like to think of Chi-Chi's as a more romantic Taco Bell.

Lisa: Hi, Georgie.
George Jr.: Hey.
Lisa: I like that jacket.
George Jr.: Then you'll probably like my pants; they're made of the same stuff.

George Jr.: Hold on! What if you're thinking about something else instead? Would that count as thinking or not thinking?
Sheldon: I suppose it's similar to the mantras extolled by the sages of the East. It's a practice that Swami Vivekananda called Japa Yoga and it's intended to bring out a single-pointedness of concentration.
George Jr.: Sorry, I zoned out.
Sheldon: Ooh, tell me how.
George Jr.: Let's see. You were blabbering. It all started to blur together. And I was gone.
Sheldon: At what point did it start to happen?
George Jr.: I don't know. Say it again. I said I suppose it's similar to the mantras extolled by the sages of the East. It's a practice that Swami Vivekananda called Japa Yoga... [Sheldon's voice slows down] [Indian traditional music plays] [Georgie imagines Sheldon with a third eye in the middle of his forehead]
George Jr.: That is wild.