Dr. Linkletter: Rule number one, no badmouthing each other to gain favor with Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: Agreed. And whatever happens, we can't let it affect our working relationship.
Dr. Linkletter: Our working relationship is already antagonistic.
Dr. John Sturgis: True. What's next?
Dr. Linkletter: No using Sheldon to win points with Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: But he likes me better than you.
Dr. Linkletter: That's why I brought it up.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine!

Dr. John Sturgis: What about, uh, dinosaurs?
Sheldon: Herbivores, yes. Carnivores, no.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, what about the herbivores who can squash you like a bug?
Sheldon: Good point. No dinosaurs.
Dr. John Sturgis: So, cloning is unethical?
Sheldon: Right.
Dr. John Sturgis: But what if we were to clone Albert Einstein?
Sheldon: That would be swell. At some point, I'm going to need a sidekick.
Dr. John Sturgis: So, cloning is ethical?
Sheldon: Right, because Albert Einstein, unlike the dinosaur, harmed no one.
Dr. John Sturgis: I think the victims of the atomic bomb, which his discoveries helped create, might disagree.

Sheldon: My name is Sheldon Cooper and this is my partner, Dr. John Sturgis.
Dr. John Sturgis: Greetings.
Sheldon: With us, you get both youth and experience.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, by the way, I remembered that third thing. I'll tell you later.

Meemaw: So, what were you doing wandering around China?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, when I'm not doing research or teaching, I enjoy taking the path less traveled.
Meemaw: I'm guessing it's a bike path.
Dr. John Sturgis: As a matter of fact, it was. Everybody in China rides bicycles. It's fantastic.
Meemaw: Did you see the Great Wall?
Dr. John Sturgis: I did. Interesting fact: it's filled with the dead bodies of the people who built it.
Meemaw: You don't say.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hundreds of thousands of them.

Dr. John Sturgis: You seem quiet. Is everything okay?
Meemaw: Are you not interested in me?
Dr. John Sturgis: Of course I am. I'm very interested.
Meemaw: Then how come when I I invited you to spend the night, I got rejected?
Dr. John Sturgis: I did do that, didn't I?
Meemaw: Good Lord, yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: I can explain.
Meemaw: Please do.
Dr. John Sturgis: I didn't want you to think that I would think that you were the sort of woman who would engage in coitus simply because I cooked you a Sichuan dinner.
Meemaw: It was better before you explained.

Dr. John Sturgis: Clever girl. That would accentuate her buttocks!

Dr. John Sturgis: So, I have a little surprise for you.
Meemaw: Oh, I love surprises. Whatcha got?
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm going to learn to drive.
Meemaw: Really?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes. While I love having you be the dominant personality behind closed doors, I think out in public I ought to take on more of a macho role.
Meemaw: [LAUGHS] Well, you're macho enough for me, John, but I would enjoy not having to drive us all the time.
Dr. John Sturgis: Then it's settled.
Meemaw: Well, when do you start?
Dr. John Sturgis: As soon as you teach me.
Meemaw: Me? Do you really think that's a good idea?
Dr. John Sturgis: It's perfect. I teach you about science so you can impress your grandson, and you teach me to drive so I can impress you.
Meemaw: Okay, but if we do this, I'm in charge. You have to do what I say when and how I tell you to do it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hubba-hubba, it's like we're back in the bedroom.

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie I found an old-fashioned malt shop where we can have milkshakes and listen to the jukebox, like I never did in high school.

Dr. John Sturgis: Na zdrowie! That's, uh, "to our health" in Russian.
George: This is not the place to talk Russian.

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Dr. John Sturgis: Hi, Mary. I know this must be a hard decision for you. I can't tell you how to parent your child. I don't have children. But... I can tell you... that in all my years in academia, I've never seen a mind like Sheldon's. He's truly extraordinary. And if you let him come here, I promise we'll take good care of him.

Dr. John Sturgis: Now, how do chimichangas work?
Meemaw: I have no idea.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I think we should try and find out.

Dr. John Sturgis: Sorry I'm a little late. My pant leg got stuck in the chain.

Sheldon: When did you decide to focus your research on quantum-
Mary: Um, Sheldon, I think you're kind of dominating the conversation. Why don't you let your meemaw talk to Dr. Sturgis?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. By all means.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you. Connie?
Meemaw: Yes, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Do you smell like chlorine on purpose?

Dr. John Sturgis: Now, give me your best price on one of these with a cup holder.

Dr. John Sturgis: What?
Meemaw: [QUIETLY] How's it going?
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you. There's no talking.
DMV Employee: No talking.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sorry.