Dr. John Sturgis: I'm sorry. I know I'm letting you down.
Meemaw: Oh, don't be silly. You're not letting me down. [CHUCKLES] I love you whether you can drive or not.
Dr. John Sturgis: You love me?
Meemaw: Well, I- I suppose I do.
Dr. John Sturgis: [LAUGHS] Am I allowed to reciprocate?
Meemaw: Sure, if that's the way you feel.
Dr. John Sturgis: [LAUGHS] Oh, it is. I love you, too, Connie.
Meemaw: [CHUCKLING] Well... That's just great.
Dr. John Sturgis: All righty.
Meemaw: Would you like to switch seats with me?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, but give me a minute because my legs are a little wobbly.
Meemaw: Is that from the yellow light or the "I love yous"?
Dr. John Sturgis: Both.

Dr. John Sturgis: In lighter news, your meemaw loves me.

Dr. John Sturgis: [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, this is Sheldon. You're wrong and I can prove it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Is that so?
Sheldon: It is so.
Dr. John Sturgis: All right, little man, bring it on.

Dr. John Sturgis: Maybe you're too immature.
Meemaw: Gentlemen, please.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm sorry, but when someone with way less experience accuses me of not knowing what I'm talking about, my hackles are up.

Dr. John Sturgis: Sure!
Meemaw: What the heck? Do you really think you could handle living with a ten-year-old?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, he's only biologically ten. In every other way, he's as old as I am.

Dr. John Sturgis: If you like being tucked in, I'm prepared to do it. I practiced on a watermelon.

Dr. John Sturgis: Very well. Now, I'll be in my room if you need me. Here's a glass of water if you get thirsty. And there's fresh chalk on the blackboard in case of any late-night epiphanies.

Dr. John Sturgis: I may actually have had a concussion.
Meemaw: What are your symptoms?
Dr. John Sturgis: It feels like there's hair on my head.

Dr. John Sturgis: Hello.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. Can you give me any advice on how to overcome a fear of public speaking?
Dr. John Sturgis: Ah, you know, when I was a young man I had a terrible fear of speaking to an audience.
Sheldon: What did you do?
Dr. John Sturgis: Actually, it kinda took care of itself. One day I was, uh, playing miniature golf with some colleagues and I got struck by lightning.
Sheldon: Oh, dear.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it was fine. When I came to, I found myself with the gift of gab. Big crowds, small crowds, you couldn't shut me up.
Sheldon: I don't see how that can benefit me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not unless you'd like me to take you miniature golfing next time there are clouds on the horizon.

Dr. John Sturgis: I wanted this night to be special because it's the one-year anniversary of that date.
Meemaw: Is that a thing that people our age celebrate?
Dr. John Sturgis: No idea. I've never been this age before. And I've never dated anyone for a whole year.

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, will you do me the honor of being my wife?
Meemaw: Oh, John, I don't know.
Dr. John Sturgis: How can you not know? It's a binary decision.
Meemaw: It's more complicated th-than that.
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't see why. We're compatible.
Meemaw: [QUIETLY] I know.
Dr. John Sturgis: We enjoy each other's company.
Meemaw: I know.
Dr. John Sturgis: And we've become extremely proficient in the bedroom. There's very little wasted effort.
Meemaw: [QUIETLY] John, sit back down and lower your voice.
Dr. John Sturgis: Little help? Down is easier than up.

Meemaw: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, my sweet.
Meemaw: What are you doing out here?
Dr. John Sturgis: Weeding. You have goosegrass. And you can't have a nice lawn if you have goosegrass.
Meemaw: It's kind of dark out.
Dr. John Sturgis: Goosegrass doesn't sleep. It kills the good grass and leaves bald spots. But don't worry, I'm on the job.
Meemaw: Oh. Okay. Can I get you a flashlight?
Dr. John Sturgis: I would prefer a headlamp, such as one would use for spelunking.
Meemaw: Okay. Let me check my spelunking supplies.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're a peach. [singing] Pulling weeds and picking stones-

Meemaw: Do you- I- Do you mean you-you really don't want to see me anymore? [stammers] Don't I get a say in that?
Dr. John Sturgis: Um... No.
Meemaw: Really? I-I kind of think I do.
Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, if I'm single and have another episode, it only hurts me. If we're together, that hurts you, and I can't do that again.
Meemaw: I have been waiting for you this whole time.
Dr. John Sturgis: Just more proof that you're a wonderful woman and you deserve someone you can count on.
Meemaw: Ugh!
Dr. John Sturgis: How about Ira from the furniture store? He's a catch.
Meemaw: Now you're gonna play matchmaker for me?
Dr. John Sturgis: I suppose I am.
Meemaw: You realize I could call him right now.
Dr. John Sturgis: I think you should.
Meemaw: You better mean it, 'cause I'll do it.
Dr. John Sturgis: No time like the present.
Meemaw: I'm doing it. I'm dialing.
Dr. John Sturgis: Great.
Meemaw: It's ringing.
Dr. John Sturgis: Tell him I said hi.

Meemaw: I saw your bike outside, so I-I thought I'd just, uh, say hi.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that's so nice of you.
Meemaw: I don't mean to interrupt or anything. I just wanted to check in.
Dr. John Sturgis: [to George] Would it be awkward if I asked her to join us?
George: Oh, couldn't be any more awkward.
Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like to, uh, watch the game with us? It's-it's football.
Meemaw: Well, sure. [chuckles] I guess a little visit wouldn't hurt.
Dr. John Sturgis: Excellent.
Meemaw: Let me guess, you brought the grapes.
Dr. John Sturgis: I did.

June: So you went camping with Dale? How'd that go?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I hesitate to speak ill of him.
June: I divorced him. Say what you want.
Dr. John Sturgis: Then, it was terrible.