Missy: Well, since they get to do something fun, why can't we? Ooh, Chuck E. Cheese.
Sheldon: That place is a nightmare. Something that could be fun is the Museum of-
Missy: No.
Mary: Let him finish.
Missy: We already heard "museum." It's not gonna get better.
Sheldon: The Museum of the American Railroad.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah, that's worse.

Adult Sheldon: Grandmas love to spoil their grandchildren. Especially when the grandma has a suitcase full of cash she doesn't know what to do with.
Missy: Whoa.
Sheldon: Oh, my. Did you mean to give us ten dollar bills? Because these are hundreds.
Missy: I'm gonna kick your ass.
Meemaw: I know it's a lot, but why not see you enjoy it while I'm still around?
Missy: Ooh, there's an inheritance, too?
Meemaw: Well, depends on how you treat me in my golden years.
Sheldon: I'm not interested in your money, Meemaw.
Missy: You're pretty and I love you.
Meemaw: Now, don't you have something to say to me?
Sheldon: Thank you.
Missy: I'm rich.

Sheldon: True or false? At times, you have referred to yourself as being dumb.
Missy: True.
Sheldon: And do you enjoy feeling that way?
Missy: No.
Sheldon: Well, let me change that. I'm presenting you with an opportunity to achieve the full potential of your mind.
Missy: Are you gonna do some experiment where we switch brains?
Sheldon: No.
Missy: 'Cause I've seen it on Gilligan's Island and I've seen it on The Flintstones and it never goes well.

George Sr.: The trick is not to make eye contact.
Missy: Tell him.

Sheldon: I've been thinking, and there's something I'd like to say.
George Sr.: Unless it's an apology, I don't want to hear it.
Sheldon: I'm quitting science.
Missy: Not an apology. Spank him, Dad.

Dale: So, how does this work?
Sheldon: You start by creating your character.
Missy: I want to be a Ninja Turtle Princess of Power.
Meemaw: Put me down for that, too.
Sheldon: You have to choose from one of the character classes. There's thief, druid, paladin, wizard...
Missy: Ooh, wizard. I want that.
Sheldon: All right.
Missy: Then I'll use my magic to turn me into a Ninja Turtle Princess of Power.
Sheldon: No.

Meemaw: Okay, who's excited?
George Jr.: I don't want to see Sheldon's stupid play, it's humiliating.
Missy: That's why I want to see it.

Mary: What's all this?
Sheldon: An extra layer of protection.
Meemaw: Protection from what?
Mary: Sweetie, is someone bothering you?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mary: Who is it?
Sheldon: I'd rather not talk about it.
Mary: No, I want a name right now.
George Sr.: Mary.
Mary: Have you been hurting him?
Missy: Only with my words.

Mary: Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive and bless the hands that prepared it.
Missy: And bless Mom.
Mary: Thank you. Amen.
Missy: Amen.
George Jr.: Amen.
Sheldon: She's the hands that prepared it. Your blessing is redundant.
Mary: Let's eat.

Mary: Missy, don't forget that you have to pick out a present for that birthday next week.
Missy: Mom, it's "Melissa" now.
Mary: [to Brenda] Middle school.

Missy: I think Pastor Jeff and Mrs. Sparks might be talking about Billy.
Mary: What's going on with Billy?
Missy: He's been getting in trouble at school.
Mary: How is that fun?
Missy: It's gossip. Gossip's fun.
Mary: [sighs] Poor thing. Brenda did say he was having trouble adjusting. Maybe I should see if she's doing okay later.
George Sr.: Great idea. [to Missy] I'm not walking, good job.

George Sr.: What are you doing?
Missy: Watching Sheldon struggle with homework. It's so great.

Mary: Mornin'.
Missy: Did you check on Ms. Hutchins? Is she still alive?
Mary: Of course she is. Why?
Missy: No reason.

Mary: When I'm feeling down, do you know what I do?
All: Pray.
Mary: It works. In fact, I'm gonna pray for you tonight.
Missy: Everybody prays to God at night. Do it now while he's got some free time.

George Sr.: Boy, I am stuffed.
Missy: You know, if you're too full to drive, I could help.
George Sr.: You're not driving my truck.
Missy: Come on. Just here in the parking lot?
George Sr.: No.
Missy: Please, Daddy?
George Sr.: I know what you're doing.
Missy: Creating memories that'll last a lifetime?

Mary: Missy, how was practice?
Missy: So good.
Meemaw: Tell us everything.
Missy: The boys were a little mean at first, but I handled it.
[flashback:]
Missy: Can I warm up with you?
Rick: I don't play baseball with girls.
Missy: Really? Your friend's playing with one.
Luke: Ooh!
[back]
Meemaw: I am so proud of you.

[fantasy:]
Meemaw: Get out of my way. I'm a thief, and I'm opening this chest.
Dale: Have at it. I'm a paladin with a buzz on.
[reality:]
Sheldon: Success. The chest opens, revealing a scroll with ancient writing in a strange language you don't recognize. What do you do?
Missy: I say this is boring...
[fantasy:]
Missy: ...and turn myself into a Ninja Turtle Princess of Power.
♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... ♪
Missy: This game just got good. High five.
Dale: Yeah.
♪ Heroes in a half-shell, turtle power. ♪

Missy: So, I said 70 cents for one or two for a dollar, and everyone bought two.
George Jr.: People love a deal.
Missy: I know. I sold out.
George Jr.: Then you got to start charging more.
Missy: How much more?
George Jr.: Just raise the price a little at a time until you see your profits top out.
Missy: I'm learning, but it's fun. This is weird.

Pastor Jeff: Now, it says here in Mark 12:31 that you should "Love your neighbor as yourself.
" Anybody like to take a guess what that means? Missy?
Missy: It means to be nice to the people who live next door.
Pastor Jeff: That's right.
Missy: But everybody else can go to hell.

Dr. John Sturgis: [snoring]
Mary: What happened?
George Sr.: Oh, I had a few beers. He had one.
Missy: Seriously? We can't get a dog, and this guy's still here?