Missy: I'm glad Mom didn't come.
George Sr.: Why's that?
Missy: I can spit when I'm on the mound.
George Sr.: You can hock up anything you want today.
Missy: [snorts]
George Sr.: Not here.
Missy: Aw.

Mary: You're going to Billy's party.
Sheldon: But I don't want to.
Missy: And I don't want him to.
Mary: Too bad, he's going.
Missy: Then I don't want to go.
Mary: Everyone's going and everyone's gonna have fun.
Sheldon: This is so unfair.
Missy: It is. You should run away from home.

Missy: Ooh, maybe you have a crush on her.
Sheldon: That's ridiculous.
Missy: I don't know.
Sheldon: I don't.
Missy: You care what she thinks, you can't stop talking about her.
Sheldon: I don't have a crush on her!
Missy: Are you sure?
Sheldon: I don't know!

Missy: Okay, here we go. "Is it a crush? Take this juicy quiz and find out. Do you think about them when they're not around?"
Sheldon: Lately, yes.
Missy: "Are you jealous when other people give them attention?"
Sheldon: I suppose I am.
Missy: "Do you get nervous when you're around them?"
Sheldon: How could I not? Last time she punched me, in the face.
Missy: That was so great. "Do you talk about them all the time?" That's a big fat yes. "Do you dream about them?"
Sheldon: Oh, dear. Just last night I had a nightmare that she solved the Einstein field equations ahead of me.
Missy: That's five out of five. "You're crushing harder than Zack on Kelly Kapowski."
Sheldon: Uh, what does that mean?
Missy: Trust me, that's a big deal.

Mary: Can we please just eat?
George Jr.: Chicken's good.
George Sr.: Mrs. Sparks made it.
Missy: Huh?

Mary: Let's talk about something else. Georgie, how was your day?
George Jr.: My brother told the entire school we can't afford cable.
Mary: Oh, right. Missy?
Missy: Good, until I learned we can't afford cable.

Missy: Which team has a big red "T" on their hat?
George Sr.: Texas Rangers.
Missy: Is that a team we like?
George Sr.: Uh, yeah. Yeah, that's who most people around here root for.
Missy: Okay. And what's something I could say about the Rangers? You know, to sound cool.
George Sr.: Is this about a boy?
Missy: No!
George Sr.: All right, sorry. If you want, you could say, "Even though Nolan Ryan is old, the Rangers were still smart to get him."
Missy: That's a real thing?
George Sr.: That's a real thing.
Missy: How old is Nolan Ryan?
George Sr.: My age.
Missy: Ew.

Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: What does it look like?
Missy: Like you're looking for another excuse for kids to pick on you.

Missy: I want to be just like you when I grow up.
Mary: No, you don't.
George Sr.: Pick again.

Mary: My little angel.
[dream sequence:]
Pastor Jeff: Do you, Pastor Rob, take Melissa Cooper to be your wife?
Pastor Rob: Heck yeah.
Pastor Jeff: And do you, Melissa Cooper, take Pastor Rob to be your husband?
Missy: I totally do.
Pastor Rob: I hereby pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Youth Pastor Rob. You may now take the bride to Six Flags.
Missy and Rob: Yay!

Mary: I'll be back.
Missy: Where you going?
Mary: To give the owner of that comic book store a piece of my mind!
Missy: Cool.
Mary: And then I'm calling Heather's mom!
Missy: Aw.

Missy: Is there anything else good I could say about the Rangers?
George Sr.: Uh, let's see. Tell whoever's interested that no one's ever gonna touch Nolan Ryan's strikeout record.
Missy: 'cause he strikes out all the time.
George Sr.: No. Because he throws strikeouts all the time.
Missy: Oh. Big difference.

[Sheldon walks down the hallway, walks into his bedroom, stands beside his bed, and meekly punches his mattress]
Missy: That was the lamest tantrum I've ever seen.

Missy: What do you think?
Meemaw: I think you're gonna be a little heartbreaker.
Missy: I don't want to break anyone's heart. I just want to look hot.
Meemaw: Well, that you do.
Missy: Thank you.

Mary: Sheldon, good news. Dr. Linkletter was calling to say that while you're at school, if you need anything, you can go to him.
Missy: Starting college and you need a babysitter. That's funny.
Sheldon: I don't need a babysitter.
Mary: Dr. Linkletter is just around in case there's a problem.
George Jr.: Like if he needs a new diaper?
Missy: Ha!
George Sr.: Enough.
Mary: Can we please have a nice dinner?
Missy: We could. But you're the one who wants to eat as a family.
George Sr.: [to Mary] Don't pray for any of 'em.

Mary: Sheldon, lots of people get their teeth pulled. It's not a big deal.
Sheldon: [to Missy] Stop enjoying this.
Missy: Sorry.
Sheldon: No, you're not.
Missy: No, I'm not.

Mary: Hey, Shelly, I got something for you.
Sheldon: What is it?
Mary: An invitation to Billy Sparks's birthday on Saturday. Isn't that nice?
Missy: Sheldon's gonna go?
Sheldon: A child's birthday party? No, thank you.
Missy: Great.

Mary: Okay, so how do we read it?
Missy: I'd say ask Sheldon, but he left after I clearly said not to.

Mary: How was practice?
Missy: Great. I hit the ball further than anyone.
Mary: Sounds like a little prayer helped after all.
Missy: I guess it did.
Mary: You seem surprised.
Missy: Well, God knows everything, and I have some pretty evil thoughts.
Mary: Oh, Missy.
Missy: Ooh, what if I start wearing a cross so God knows I mean business?
Mary: You could also clean up your thinking.
Missy: Nah.

Sheldon: It occurred to me that Maxwell's equations would achieve full symmetry by adding a magnetic monopole.
Missy: I drew a ladybug.