Mary: Hey, what ya doing?
Sheldon: Packing my things for California.
Mary: You're taking your toy trains?
Sheldon: They're not toys. They're historically accurate facsimiles.
Mary: They go "woo woo" when you press the button, right?
Sheldon: They're not joyless facsimiles.

Sheldon: I'll go with you, Mom.
Missy: Why are you going? You don't believe in God.
Sheldon: No, but I believe in Mom.
Mary: I'll take it.

Mary: I'm gonna keep him company.
George: Hey, hey, hey, Mary. Mary, think this through. Right now the kids are just ignoring Sheldon. What happens if he's sitting with his mommy?
Mary: They could mistake me for a senior. [off George's look] Well, I look younger than you.

Mary: Where were we?
Sheldon: Different kinds of maturity.
Mary: That's right. There's emotional maturity, physical maturity, all things that have nothing to do with being smart.
Sheldon: Are you suggesting I'm not emotionally mature?
Mary: I was hinting at it.

Mary: Will someone please tell me what happened?
Georgie: Okay, me and Meemaw were in the bar at the track.
Mary: You took him to a bar?
Meemaw: He wasn't drinking.
Georgie: She had a few too many margaritas, so I drove us home.
Mary: But you don't have a license.
Georgie: That's why we swapped places after the cop pulled us over.
Mary: Oh, dear Lord.
George: I had nothing to do with this part.
Mary: Shut up.
George: Will do.

Mary: That's enough. No one's adopted.
Missy: I wish I was.
Mary: That can still be arranged.

George: What's going on?
Mary: Her mother's boyfriend has a drinking problem, and things have been getting out of hand.
George: You waited till I had a beer to tell me this story, didn't you?
Mary: You always have a beer.

Mary: To be honest, I'm a little concerned that I have given you the wrong impression about how prayer works.
Missy: I get it. I ask God for stuff, he gives it to me. It's not rocket science.
Mary: Missy, God does not grant wishes.
Missy: So he gave me good luck?
Mary: [sighs] It's not luck. Luck is chance, and God has a plan.
Missy: Right, and his plan is to give me what I want when I pray. That's why he's so cool.
Mary: No. I- I mean, he is cool, but sometimes that might not be his plan.
Missy: Then what's the point of praying if he's just gonna do what he wants?
Mary: You don't pray to God to get things. You pray to build a relationship with him.

Mary: Not a good time, Brenda.
Brenda Sparks: I don't want your boy playing with my boy anymore.
Mary: Excuse me? [PHONE RINGING] Someone get that.
Brenda Sparks: I just saw Sheldon on the news. He doesn't need to be filling Billy's head with crazy commie ideas.
Mary: Crazier than sitting on an egg and trying to hatch it? 'Cause I saw your precious son do that the other day.

Mary: Okay, calm down. Now, you listen to me, you shouldn't have lied. It's always wrong. But you made up for it by telling me the truth.
Sheldon: So, you forgive me?
Mary: I do, but I need you to do me a favor. As far as your father is concerned, you were sick.
Sheldon: Isn't that lying?
Mary: Honestly? No.

Mary: [answers phone] First Baptist of Medford. How may I bless you?
Meemaw: I thought Peg answered the phones.
Mary: Mom?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Mary: Something I can help you with?
Meemaw: No, it can wait.
Mary: You want the number to the shuttle, don't you?
Meemaw: [sighs] Yes.
Mary: Let me get that for you. Huh. Um, looking under "G" for "geezer bus," and it's not there.
Meemaw: Oh, that's hilarious.
Mary: Maybe it's under "O" for "old fogies."
Meemaw: You know, you're not being a very Christian person right now.
Mary: I have enough prayers in the bank, I can coast for a day.
Meemaw: Just give me the number!
Mary: All right. Now, remember when you call to let them know if you need any help getting up stairs.

Mary: Now, the thing you have to understand is Shelly is incredibly bright. I mean, his IQ is right up there with Albert Einstein and that English wheelchair fella.

Mary: Okay, let's say grace. Now, Tam, when I say "Jesus," feel free to say the word "Buddha" in your head.
Tam: I'm actually Catholic.
Mary: Oh! Well, that's too bad.

George: Hang on. What did you think was gonna happen when we sent him to high school?
Mary: I don't know, that he'd learn stuff, and then, come back home and be my baby forever.
George: Mare, it's good for him. He may start college in a couple years, what happens then?
Mary: Off the top of my head, he and I share a dorm room.
George: You know I'd laugh at that if I didn't kind of believe you.

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Mary: Confiscating your comic books. You can have them back when you're 18.
Sheldon: You're taking Casper the Friendly Ghost?
Mary: Ghosts are sacrilegious. Nothing friendly about that.