Meemaw: The man has a doctorate in science, and he's filling people's grocery bags.
Mary: He actually did a really nice job. He put the heavy things on the bottom. He kept the cold things together.
Meemaw: Mary.
Mary: Well, they don't always do that.

Missy: I don't have any questions. I'm good. Can we be done now?
Mary: So, you'll ask Pastor Rob, but you won't ask me?
Missy: I didn't ask you 'cause I know what you'll say.
Mary: You don't know what I'm gonna say.
Missy: "It's a sin." "You're too young." "Wait till marriage."
Mary: Well, it is, you are, and you should.

Pastor Rob: Yeah, people have had some strong feelings, but I think if they heard us out, they'd see we're not putting impure thoughts in anyone's heads. Right, Mary?
Mary: No. I mean, I mean, yes, we're not. I mean, if we're upsetting people, we should just back off.
Pastor Jeff: Exactly. The talk is off. I never want to talk about the talk again.
Mary: Hallelujah.
Pastor Jeff: If you'll excuse me, I have 14 phone calls to return.
Pastor Rob: Well, sorry this didn't work out.
Mary: It's probably for the best. [inner monologue] Do not look at his butt. Do not look. Okay, do not look again.

George: Sales is a tough racket, Mare.
Georgie: Yeah. It ain't as easy as I make it look.
Mary: Well, I think I'd be good at it.
Georgie: You sure? Sometimes you got to do a little fibbin'.
Mary: I would do it without that.
Georgie: And you got to have people skills.
Mary: I have people skills.
Georgie: Do you?
Mary: I'd like to throw my dinner roll at your head right now, but you don't see me doing it.

Mary: Let's just eat.
Sheldon: Without praying?
Mary: [chuckles] How silly of me.
George: You all right?
Meemaw: Well, she's had a whole beer, so who knows.
Sheldon: Mother.
Mary: Can we just pray? [sighs] Bless us Lord for the food we are about to receive and bless the hands that prepared it. And forgive me for that beer. My mother made me do it. Amen.
Meemaw: Snitch.

George: You ever stop to think maybe she doesn't want to marry a 17-year-old?
Mary: He'll be 18 in March.
George: All right, you're just being ridiculous. [goes back inside]
Mary: I'm being a Christian.
[After Mary walks over and knocks on the garage door, a dozy Georgie opens it]
Mary: When you were born, you were a gift from God but that does not change the fact that I am very mad at you!
Georgie: All right. [closes door]

Mary: [chuckles] Well, at this point, it doesn't matter, because she doesn't want to get married.
Pastor Rob: Well, I can talk to her if you want.
Mary: Mm.
Pastor Rob: I'm pretty good with young people.
Mary: She's 29.
Pastor Rob: Also pretty good with people my own age. [Mary chuckles]

Mary: Okay, God, we need to talk. Are you testing me? Is this a test? Am I Mrs. Job? I try to be a good person, but... lately, it feels like you are smacking me down every chance you get. And I know that that might sound a little ungrateful right now, as I load my new dishwasher... That I love... But can't you pick on someone else for a while?

Mary: I know that you're excited, but when that seatbelt sign does go off, you need to be respectful. That man may not want to meet you... [bell chimes] [Sheldon undoes his seatbelt and jumps out of his seat] [Mary sighs]
Sue: Gin and tonic.
Mary: Oh, I don't really... Thank you.

[After a bout of turbulence, Mary clasps her hands together in prayer]
Sheldon: Oh, there's no reason to do that. It's just irregular motion of air around the plane caused by temperature changes. [more turbulence] Oh, that was a big one. And given our altitude, perfectly predictable. [cabin alert chimes]
Flight Attendant: [v.o.] The pilot has turned on the seatbelt sign. Please return to your seat.
Sheldon: A reasonable precaution. [checks seatbelt] Snug as a bug. [more turbulence]
Mary: Would you like me to include you in my prayers?
Sheldon: No, thanks, I don't need to seek help from an invisible man.
Mary: You're right, you've got your invisible strings.

Sheldon: [baby crying] Babies. Why'd it have to be babies?
Mary: Oh, relax. He'll cry himself out. You won't even know he's there.
[four hours later:]
Sheldon: [baby crying] [sighs] Please tell that mother to quiet her baby.
Mary: Sometimes moms can't make their kids be quiet no matter how much they try.

Audrey: A gambling room?
Mary: Yes.
Audrey: And she'd been bribing the authorities?
Mary: I wouldn't use that word, but there were... donations made to the authorities.
Audrey: And Georgie worked there?
Mary: Well, he also runs the laundromat. Very legitimate.
Audrey: For money laundering.
Mary: And regular laundering.

Mary: Hang on a sec. I see an engineering department, a physics department, computer lab. What I don't see is a church.
Mr. Jensen: Don't worry, we have a beautiful nondenominational chapel built in 1956.
Mary: Nondenominational?
Mr. Jensen: Everyone's welcome.
[Mary removes her MIT visor and looks at George, who glumly removes his MI.T. baseball cap]

Meemaw: Anyway, you want to read me what you got?
Mary: [exhales] Uh... [sighs] "George was a good husband, a good father and a good coach."
Meemaw: Keep going.
Mary: No, that's all I got.
Meemaw: Oh. Short and sweet. Leave 'em wanting more.
Mary: I don't know how to do this.
Meemaw: Oh, honey, why would you?

Mary: [sighs] I'll have you know that I took a couple of puffs my senior year of high school.
Meemaw: The devil's lettuce?!
Mary: George gave it to me.
Meemaw: I knew he was a bad influence. [chuckles]
Mary: It was the night before he shipped out to Vietnam. And we snuck into my bedroom and we...
you know.
Meemaw: Mary Tucker.
Mary: [laughs] I wanted to make sure he knew what he was fighting for.
Meemaw: See, that's a story you should tell at the service.
Mary: In my church, in front of my children?
Meemaw: It's patriotic.