Mary: Okay, calm down. Now, you listen to me, you shouldn't have lied. It's always wrong. But you made up for it by telling me the truth.
Sheldon: So, you forgive me?
Mary: I do, but I need you to do me a favor. As far as your father is concerned, you were sick.
Sheldon: Isn't that lying?
Mary: Honestly? No.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Sheldon: And then they laughed at me for not knowing something that they knew. Who does that?
Mary: You do.
Sheldon: Well, this is no time for a teachable moment. Your child is hurting.
Mary: Sorry. [taps Sheldon's shoulder] There, there.
Sheldon: I guess that'll do. Now, how about a hot beverage?

Adult Sheldon: In many ways, a high school is like an academic house of horrors. There's the cafeteria, which when even freshly cleaned, maintains a subtle aroma of tater tots and throw-up. The schoolyard, where one is exposed to bullying by delinquents and attacks from above by eye-pecking demons. [bird tweets] But all of these pale in comparison to the most horrific location of all. A place teeming with the sweat and secretions from hundreds of unwashed bodies. The swimming pool.

Principal Petersen: Sorry, Sheldon. Water safety is a required part of your P.E. class.
Sheldon: But other kids use that pool. It's basically a big bowl of teenager soup.
Principal Petersen: It's out of my hands. It's a state requirement. If you don't like it, take it up with your congressman.
Sheldon: I did. He won't return my calls.
Principal Petersen: Then I guess you're swimming tomorrow. [manic laughter, thunder clap and lightning]
Adult Sheldon: Except for the laughter, the glowing eyes and the lightning, that's exactly how it happened.

Adult Sheldon: Observation is an important part of the scientific method. Darwin observed the finches, Jane Goodall observed the chimpanzees, and for some reason, Dr. Sturgis wanted to observe my meemaw's new suitor.