Brenda Sparks: I can't believe you told on me to Pastor Jeff.
Mary: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Billy Sparks: [whispering] Hi, neighbor.
Mary: Hi.

Dale: Hey, uh, Cooper, you know, I think I'm gonna have you sit this one out and let Powell pitch.
Missy: Really?
Dale: Yeah. Kind of like to save your arm for the playoffs, okay?
Missy: Okay.
Billy Sparks: Do you want to save my arm, too?
Dale: No.
Billy Sparks: How about my legs?
Dale: You know, Billy, you never fail to brighten my day.
Billy Sparks: Cool.

Billy Sparks: This licorice tastes terrible.
Missy: It's plastic. You use it to weave a lanyard.
Billy Sparks: No, it's licorice.

Missy: Isn't he pretty?
Bobbi Sparks: Very pretty.
Billy Sparks: I feel pretty.

Billy Sparks: My mom also hates their grandma.
Missy: 'Cause she lost a fight to her.
Billy Sparks: Nuh-uh, she won. She said so.

Billy Sparks: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello, Billy. I hear you're not feeling well.
Billy Sparks: I'm not. I have a cold.
Sheldon: That's too bad. Put her there.
Billy Sparks: Why?
Sheldon: Just shake my hand, Billy.
Billy Sparks: But my mom says that's how germs get spread.
Sheldon: I know.
Billy Sparks: You do? When did you talk to my mom?
Sheldon: Just, eh- [Sheldon grabs Billy's hand and rubs it over his face] Ugh!
Billy Sparks: Wait, want to play? Aw.

Billy Sparks: I would like your permission to ask out Missy.
George: Really?
Billy Sparks: Yeah.
George: Okay. Uh... [TV turns off] Well, I appreciate you coming to me.
Billy Sparks: I wanted to do this the right way.
George: Uh-huh. You know, Billy, this sounds like a big step. I'm not sure Missy's really ready for dating yet.
Billy Sparks: She went out with Marcus from school. They went to the movies.
George: Yeah, that is... meaningful.
Billy Sparks: But they broke up, so now's my chance.

Missy: I think she's asleep.
Billy Sparks: What if she's dead?
Peg: [snores]
Missy: [whispers] She's not dead.
Billy Sparks: She looks dead.
Peg: I'm not dead.

Missy: Makes perfect sense, they're getting divorced.
Sheldon: If they do, I'm staying with Mom.
Missy: That's fine, I'll take Dad.
Sheldon: And if he does die, you'll get the house to yourself.
Billy Sparks: You can live with us.
Brenda Sparks: Nobody's dying, nobody's getting divorced.
Billy Sparks: Except you and Dad.
Brenda Sparks: Just eat your dinner.
Missy: I wonder if our dad met another woman.
Brenda Sparks: [awkward chuckle] Nobody met nobody. You eat your dinner, too.
Billy Sparks: My dad's with another woman. She's nice.
Brenda Sparks: Dinner!
Sheldon: Which would be perfect with little chunks of hot dog in it.
Billy Sparks: Her name is Martha Jean.
Brenda Sparks: Billy!
Billy Sparks: [whispers] She works at a tanning salon.

Missy: Where is my dad?
Billy Sparks: I ask that question a lot.
Missy: He's not usually late.
Billy Sparks: My mom's picking me up, but she's always late. Hey. Maybe they're together.
Missy: Why would they be together?
Billy Sparks: They could be having another secret meeting in the chicken coop.
Missy: He's probably running late at practice.
Billy Sparks: Okay.
Missy: I'm sure they're not together.
Billy Sparks: Okay.
Missy: I mean it.
Billy Sparks: Okay.
Missy: Shut up, Billy.
Billy Sparks: Okay.

Pastor Jeff: Now before we get started this morning, I want to introduce two new students, Sheldon and Missy Cooper. Let's give them a warm welcome. (APPLAUSE) Yes, Billy?
Billy Sparks: I know them.
Pastor Jeff: Thank you, Billy.
Billy Sparks: You're welcome, Pastor Jeff.

Billy Sparks: Uh, hello, Mr. Cooper. Is Missy home?
George: Hello, Billy. No, she's at church.
Billy Sparks: I brought her eggs from my chickens.
George: I see that.
Billy Sparks: You can boil them or scramble them.
George: Okay.
Billy Sparks: I like fried.
George: Okay.
Billy Sparks: I don't like poached.
George: Okay. Thank you for your time. [hands over the eggs]
Billy Sparks: Okay.

Melissa: Well, isn't that something. Now, y'all be safe and have a fun night.
Billy Sparks: I'm Super-[door shuts]

George: I'm gonna take him to the emergency room. Come on. You gonna be okay?
Sheldon: Yeah.
Billy Sparks: Have fun!

George: Do you know anything about poker?
Billy Sparks: No.
Principal Petersen: That's all right, neither does this guy. [laughter]
Mr. Givens: Good one, boss.
Billy Sparks: This is fun.
Coach Wilkins: Good. Glad you're here.
Billy Sparks: My dad never let me play cards with him. And then he left.
Mr. Givens: Sorry, are we still playing? 'Cause I've got a really good hand.