- Dr. John Sturgis
- Dale
- Mandy
- Tam
- Billy Sparks
- Brenda Sparks
- Dr. Linkletter
- Mr. Givens
- Ms. Ingram
- Ms. MacElroy
- Ms. Hutchins
Billy Sparks Quotes
Quote from the episode Jiu-jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo
Missy: One lump or two?
Bobbi Sparks: Two, please.
Missy: Billy?
Billy Sparks: Why would I want lumpy tea?
Quote from the episode Seven Deadly Sins and a Small Carl Sagan
Billy Sparks: Did you know Superman has a dog? His name is Krypto. He plays fetch in space.
Quote from the episode Albert Einstein and the Story of Another Mary
Billy Sparks: Hi, Mrs. Cooper!
Mary: [whispers:] Hi, Billy.
Billy Sparks: Are you playing hide-and-seek?
Mary: Um, yeah. Don't tell anybody. Shh.
Billy Sparks: Bye, Mrs. Cooper!
Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken
Billy Sparks: I thought you didn't like chickens.
Sheldon: Sheldon doesn't like chickens. Mr. Spock finds them fascinating.
Billy Sparks: Who's Mr. Spock?
Sheldon: I'm Mr. Spock.
Billy Sparks: I'm Billy.
Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken
Billy Sparks: What you doing?
Sheldon: Using my tricorder to collect data.
Billy Sparks: What's a tricorder?
Sheldon: It's a multifunctional handheld device used for scanning and analysis.
Billy Sparks: Cool. And what's everything you just said?
Sheldon: Fascinating.
Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken
Sheldon: Ensign Sparks, there appears to be a white object under this chicken.
Billy Sparks: It's called an egg.
Sheldon: Interesting. What is its function on this planet?
Billy Sparks: People eat them and throw them at me on Halloween.
Quote from the episode A Lock-In, a Weather Girl and a Disgusting Habit
Billy Sparks: I've seen this before. They're big now, but they're gonna get small.
Missy: Yeah. It's called Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
Billy Sparks: [whispers] If you get scared, I'm here.
Missy: Terrific.
Quote from the episode A God-Fearin' Baptist and a Hot Trophy Husband
Billy Sparks: You like meatloaf?
Missy: Yeah, is that what we're having?
Billy Sparks: No, just making dinner conversation.
Quote from the episode Teen Angst and a Smart-Boy Walk of Shame
Missy: [whispers] Did you ever find out where your mom was the other day?
Billy Sparks: [whispers] She was at the hospital for your brother's baby.
Missy: What?
Billy Sparks: Did you not know he had one? It's a girl.
Quote from the episode A Live Chicken, a Fried Chicken and Holy Matrimony
Missy: Your dad can't eat Matilda.
Billy Sparks: Sure, he can. He eats everything.
Missy: Billy, you've raised her from a chick. She's like your child. You wouldn't let somebody eat your child.
Billy Sparks: Does my child taste like chicken?
Missy: Billy!
Billy Sparks: Missy!
Quote from the episode Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers
Sheldon: Welcome to the Church of Mathology. Today, I'd like to talk about prime numbers, and why they bring us joy.
Billy Sparks: Hallelujah!
Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels
Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon. You look sad.
Sheldon: I am.
Billy Sparks: Want an egg?
Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken
Brenda Sparks: I can't believe you told on me to Pastor Jeff.
Mary: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Billy Sparks: [whispering] Hi, neighbor.
Mary: Hi.
Quote from the episode A Philosophy Class and Worms That Can Chase You
Pastor Jeff: Dear Heavenly Father, as we return to school, we look to your eternal...
Billy Sparks: [stands] I pledge allegiance to the...
Pastor Jeff: Billy, it's not the pledge.
Quote from the episode An Existential Crisis and a Bear That Makes Bubbles
[Sheldon shows Billy the sketch he drew of him:]
Billy Sparks: I'm beautiful.
Quote from the episode A Live Chicken, a Fried Chicken and Holy Matrimony
Billy Sparks: Pastor Jeff, do chickens go to heaven?
Pastor Jeff: Well, the Bible doesn't say much about the souls of animals, but I like to believe that God loves all his creatures. Why?
Billy Sparks: My dad wants to eat Matilda.
Brenda Sparks: It's not as bad as it sounds. She stopped laying eggs, so it's off with her head and into the fryer.
Pastor Jeff: Well, I will pray for her little chicken soul.
Brenda Sparks: [chuckles] Just pray she's juicy.
Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit
Billy Sparks: Hi, Mr. Cooper!
George: Billy. What are you doing? [turns engine off]
Billy Sparks: I'm mowing the lawn. What are you doing?
George: Did Georgie put you up to this?
Billy Sparks: Yeah. He's paying me.
George: That dummy.
Billy Sparks: I'm raising the money to buy a Jet Ski.
Quote from the episode Bible Camp and a Chariot of Love
Billy Sparks: This licorice tastes terrible.
Missy: It's plastic. You use it to weave a lanyard.
Billy Sparks: No, it's licorice.
Quote from the episode Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper
Sheldon: I'm excited to finally use college-ruled paper and not feel like I'm living a lie.
Billy Sparks: What's college-ruled paper?
Sheldon: The lines are 18% closer together.
Billy Sparks: College sounds hard.
Brenda Sparks: You won't have to worry about that, honey.
Billy Sparks: Okay.
Quote from the episode Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey
George: Okay, Sheldon, try having a conversation with Billy about science. Let's see. Uh, what do you know about quantum mechanics?
Billy Sparks: My dad's a mechanic. At his shop, he has a calendar with a bikini lady on it.
Sheldon: Dad...
George: Instead of losing patience, act interested and ask a follow-up question.
Sheldon: Your father's a mechanic. Interesting. You know what else is interesting? Quantum mechanics. That describes the basic particles and forces that make up reality. Let's talk about that.
Billy Sparks: I'm gonna marry that bikini lady.
- View another character
- Dr. John Sturgis
- Dale
- Mandy
- Tam
- Billy Sparks
- Brenda Sparks
- Dr. Linkletter
- Mr. Givens
- Ms. Ingram
- Ms. MacElroy
- Ms. Hutchins