Adult Sheldon: Two years later, Mr. Givens became the high school principal, which might be why Ms.
MacElroy became morbidly obese.

Adult Sheldon: I didn't have to read many comic books to understand that every superhero had a weakness, something they had to overcome through an extraordinary act of courage. For Cyclops, it was the loss of Jean Grey. For Rogue, it was human touch. For me, it was food that required chewing. So if I truly was a mutant, I would have to do the same. On this day, I would not be defeated. Because this was the day I became The Chewer.

Adult Sheldon: Many years later, my brother would use this same argument in front of a judge. He was still convicted for urinating in a phone booth.

Adult Sheldon: For the next five weeks, I continued to help my father apply statistics to coach his team. Not surprisingly, they continued to win, which changed my status in the school dramatically. It was a nightmare. Hugging, hair tousling, high fives. And as my popularity grew, so did my time aloft.

Adult Sheldon: Since the 1970s, home video games have been coveted by children around the world. I was not one of those children.

Missy: Sheldon, if you don't get in here, - I'm gonna lick your toothbrush!
Sheldon: Coming!
Adult Sheldon: That's my sister. And she's done it before.

Adult Sheldon: My mom was my Christian soldier. And for the record, they descended when I was 15.

Sheldon: Principle one. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
Adult Sheldon: The three sharpest arrows in my quiver. Thus began the greatest challenge of my young life.

Adult Sheldon: It's interesting the things you think about when life is ebbing from your body. For instance, linoleum. What is it, really? Plastic? And if so, how is it different from Formica?

Adult Sheldon: My mother and father saw that I'd been traumatized and were patient and understanding about my fear of eating solid foods. This lasted one more day.

Adult Sheldon: My mother managed to locate a family psychiatrist within our price range. No one seemed to be bothered that he had a coupon in The Pennysaver.

Adult Sheldon: For the record, the Oilers lost that game by four touchdowns. Meemaw never asked for my advice again.

Adult Sheldon: I'm not proud of it, but as a child, I was prone to the occasional meltdown.
Sheldon: Cheese and crackers!
Adult Sheldon: I'm sorry you had to hear that.

Adult Sheldon: It was at that moment I decided I was not cut out for teaching. I consoled myself with the knowledge that I was wonderful at everything else.

Adult Sheldon: Seeing my brother struggle was difficult for me. As his tutor, I took his failure personally, almost as if I had failed. Which was odd, because I knew how dumb he was.

Adult Sheldon: But, eventually, I did drift off, haunted by the memory, the three of us gathered around the piano singing hippie folk music.

Adult Sheldon: Georgie married his first wife at 19. He never paid my father.

Adult Sheldon: On any given day, our school gymnasium presented a cocktail of horrors. From daily humiliation to school-sanctioned violence. But one day a year, the gymnasium was transformed into a haven of learning thanks to a remarkable institution known as the science fair. A chance for the student body to come together in the name of research and progress. Uh, while some did the bare minimum, and others preferred razzamatazz over raw data, I set out to save humanity from deadly asteroids.
And made it all neatly fit on three poster boards. The science fair may be a competition, but when the goal is promoting knowledge, we're all winners.

Adult Sheldon: I'd tell you how an East Texas audience in 1989 responded to a grown man playing Annie, but I think you know.

Adult Sheldon: At that moment, I felt a subtle heat rising through my body. I was used to being humiliated by my siblings on a daily basis, but from my mother? This was new territory.