Adult Sheldon: For most students, the weekend represented two days of fun, freedom, and in the case of my brother, a chance to ignore all forms of hygiene. But this wasn't a typical weekend, because this was the weekend I got to do my parents' taxes.
Sheldon: Howdy do, W-2.

Adult Sheldon: The bond between twins is an incredibly close one, which is why I moved 1,500 miles to California the first chance I got.

Adult Sheldon: In that moment, I was in too much pain to tell my father, "I told you so." But for years after, I reminded him constantly.

Sheldon: Ooh, the long-awaited rebuttal. "While I still believe my theory has merit, I will concede that your point has some validity." My point has some validity. My point has some validity! Yes!
Adult Sheldon: That day, both my sister and I emerged victorious from savage battles. Hers fought with fists, mine with words.
Sheldon: What does my point have? Some validity!
Adult Sheldon: Although we were both pretty sore the next day.

Adult Sheldon: My sister suggested I "go wild," so I decided to heed her advice and do the craziest thing I could think of... Take a walk outside.

Adult Sheldon: My mother would say money is the root of all evil. But she also said that about The Simpsons. I say money is just a medium of exchange, a way of transforming something into something else. My meemaw bought a sports car and transformed a relationship in the process. My sister transformed her money into a thriving business that was eventually shut down due to an infestation.
Missy: Ew.
Adult Sheldon: And for a brief moment, I became part of my dream company. Fun fact: later that year, RadioShack did open a megastore called Incredible Universe. Turned out the only thing incredible about it was how quickly it closed down. Oopsie.

Adult Sheldon: I've heard people say fathers are the real superheroes. My dad couldn't fly or bend steel, and you would not want to see him in Spandex. But like Superman, he had his Fortress of Solitude.

Adult Sheldon: I was on a mission. All I had to do was turn to the power of the Internet for help. [line ringing] [modem screeching] Unfortunately in 1992, that power had a long way to go.
Sheldon: [clears throat]
Adult Sheldon: [modem static] [beeps and static] I do kind of miss that sound.

Adult Sheldon: Dealing with failure is a tricky business. You can face it head on and try to overcome it.
[Georgie and Mandy put CeeCee to sleep]
Georgie: Good job, Mama.
Adult Sheldon: You can avoid it.
[Mary and Meemaw are in bed together]
Mary: Thanks for letting me stay.
Meemaw: For as long as you need.
Adult Sheldon: You can try to drown it out.
[George drinks a beer and watches TV]
Adult Sheldon: Or you can try to talk to someone about it.
[Sheldon uses his pulley system to knock on Missy's wall. He waits for her to respond over their WalkieTalkies]
Adult Sheldon: And some people choose to run.
[Missy is driving her father's pick-up truck]

Adult Sheldon: I had a plan to avoid using the porta-potty. I just had to get through the night until I could get back to my dorm in the morning. I lowered my overall liquid intake, skipped my pre-bed chamomile tea, and gave my bladder a stern talking to. My bladder did not listen.
Sheldon: [exhales] I can do this.
Adult Sheldon: My body may have been weak, but my mind was strong. I just needed to think about this situation in a different way. Instead of a porta-potty, it was a TARDIS. Instead of Sheldon, I was Doctor Who, whose urine was ready to travel through space and time. For those who aren't familiar, the TARDIS is bigger on the inside. This one, however, was smellier on the inside.
Sheldon: I can't do this.
Adult Sheldon: I'm not proud of this, but that night, I relieved myself inside Billy Sparks' chicken coop. Until my wife, those hens were the only females I ever exposed myself to. [chickens clucking] I guess I could have left that part out. Oh, well.

Mary: Well, make sure you leave room for the family photo, because that is definitely happening before you go away.
Missy: Seriously? That bluebonnet thing? That is so lame.
Mary: It is not lame. It is a Texas tradition.
Adult Sheldon: For those of you who don't know what my mother is talking about, it's this and this and all these. Forcing your family to dress in matching outfits and be photographed in a field of fire ants and bees is a traditional Texas torture dating back to the Great Depression. Are they depressed because of financial ruin? No, it's the picture.

Adult Sheldon: And when I figured out that trains allowed me to prove Newton's first law: "An object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force", I felt like Neil Armstrong on the moon, alone and happy.

Missy: Sheldon, if you don't get in here, I'm gonna lick your toothbrush!
Sheldon: Coming!
Adult Sheldon: That's my sister. And she's done it before.

Adult Sheldon: My mom was my Christian soldier. And for the record, they descended when I was 15.

Adult Sheldon: The addition of Libby brought a level of sophistication to our lunchtime discussion.
Her mom also packed extra string cheese, which is a well-known social lubricant.