Adult Sheldon: In physics, potential energy is a fascinating topic. Objects like springs store energy when they're coiled, waiting to unleash their full potential and soar to the heavens. Would you look at me go! Even in toy form, I'm shooting for the stars. While the potential energy of an object can be measured in absolutes, human potential remains more elusive. Sometimes, people seem to have all the potential in the world, but for some reason stay stuck to the ground.

Adult Sheldon: I've always had a curious affinity for Laundromats. Perhaps it's the rows of mechanical devices dedicated to a cleaner world. Or maybe it's the hypnotic rotation of spinning clothes on their sudsy journey to a fluffy, stain-free future. Mmm, look at 'em. Where was I? Oh, yes. Laundromats. My meemaw also loved them, but for an entirely different reason.
Meemaw: Banana, banana... Whoo! [laughs]
Adult Sheldon: Personally, I don't care for bananas. It's a texture thing.

Adult Sheldon: In astronomy, a syzygy is a rare event when three or more celestial bodies line up.
You may also know it as the stars aligning, which was probably coined by someone who couldn't spell "syzygy." If you want to win Scrabble, remember this bad boy. My father's idea of the stars aligning was having the house completely to himself. I was at school, Missy was at a friend's, Georgie was working, and my mother was on her way to a church retreat.
[elsewhere:]
Mary: [sings] There was a God who had a son, and Jesus was his name-o ?
Pastor Jeff: [sings] J-E-S-U-S
Mary: [sings] J-E-S-U-S
Pastor Jeff: J-E-S-U-S
Mary: And Jesus was his name-o. [honks horn]
Adult Sheldon: For my father, it was sweet, Southern syzygy. S-Y-Z-Y-G-Y. Syzygy. [doorbell rings]
George Sr.: [sighs] Balls.

Adult Sheldon: You know it's bleak when even a trip to RadioShack couldn't lift my spirits.
Announcer: Professor Proton will be right back after these messages.
[A recruitment commercial plays for the U.S. army]
Sheldon: Of course.
Adult Sheldon: I realized Professor Boucher was pushing me to be the best me I could be. You'd think the person who could teach me to be the best me I could be was me, but it was Professor Boucher, after the Army taught him to be the best he that he could be. Now it was up to me to help us be the best "we" we could be.

Adult Sheldon: From grade school to high school, every moment of the day is accounted for. From the morning bell to dismissal, you knew where you were supposed to be, what you were going to be learning, and which poor excuse for a teacher you would have to correct.
[flashback:]
Sheldon: Ms. Ingram, can I offer a suggestion?
Ms. Ingram: What?
Sheldon: Never mind. You do it your way.
[flashback:]
Mr. Givens: Yes, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I don't find that interesting.
[flashback:]
Coach Wilkins: Cooper? [sighs]
Sheldon: If you're going to ask us to run, don't you think you should lead by example?
[present:]
Adult Sheldon: None of this prepared me for the gap-filled, Swiss cheese anarchy of a college schedule. Look at these poor saps. Desperately trying to occupy their time until the next class.

Mary: [o.s.] Sheldon? Where are you?
Pastor Rob: [o.s.] Sheldon?
Adult Sheldon: That night began my winning streak at sardines. Every lock-in, every birthday party, someone suggested we play, and I won every time.
Mary: Sheldon!
Adult Sheldon: I'm the king of sardines.

Adult Sheldon: There were certain status symbols in Texas that indicated you were a success. A rodeo champion belt buckle... Or as I call it, the Redneck Nobel Prize. Custom-built ostrich skin boots. One less giant running bird in the world is fine by this cowpoke. And possibly the ultimate status symbol... The pink Cadillac, driven by an elite Mary Kay super seller.

Adult Sheldon: My sister suggested I "go wild," so I decided to heed her advice and do the craziest thing I could think of... Take a walk outside.

Adult Sheldon: I was learning to enjoy the perks of university life, including a dorm to study and nap in. And since this was college, I was even allowed to have girls in my room.
Mary: Here we go. Nice and clean.
Sheldon: Did you use the unscented detergent?
Mary: You've got a nose. Sniff it yourself.
Adult Sheldon: I even had my own bathroom, which gave me the perfect place to store my impressive collection of sunscreens and bug repellents. However, one thing I would never get used to was college students' love of blasting rock and roll music. [video game music playing]

Adult Sheldon: Dr. Lee had commandeered the project, and Drs. Linkletter and Sturgis were okay with it. Everyone was being mean, and I was out of my depth. I needed advice on how to proceed. Thankfully, I was mere feet away from the person who had been mean to me since she tried strangling me with her umbilical cord. [Sheldon knocks on Missy's door]
Missy: What?

Adult Sheldon: My sister thought I was in an unwinnable situation, but I knew someone else who faced a no-win scenario and prevailed: one James Tiberius Kirk. The Kobayashi Maru was a simulation designed to be unbeatable, but Kirk snuck in and reprogrammed it so he could win. All I needed to do was put my scanning coordinates into Dr. Lee's radio telescope to prove I was correct. It was time for my sneaky face.

Adult Sheldon: The next evening, I put my plan into action. I was just like Captain Kirk, if Captain Kirk had to bum a ride from his meemaw. All I needed to do was get into Dr. Lee's office and swap the coordinates. Nothing could stop me. [door is locked]
Sheldon: Dang it.

President Hagemeyer: Well, what did you do?
Dr. Lee: Well, eventually I realized, [chuckles] I'm an experimental physicist. I can build anything I want to protect my work.
[As Sheldon turns on Dr. Lee's computer, an alarm blares. A cloud of colorful powder is blown at Sheldon's face, making him cough as a picture is taken of him.]
Dr. Lee: And thanks to my kids, I am very familiar with the movie Home Alone. [both laugh]
Adult Sheldon: After a lot of apologizing, a little begging and a note from my mother, I was allowed to keep my role on the team. When Captain Kirk faced the no-win scenario, he didn't have blue and yellow snot for a week.
Sheldon: [sneezes] Ew.

Adult Sheldon: My mother would say money is the root of all evil. But she also said that about The Simpsons. I say money is just a medium of exchange, a way of transforming something into something else. My meemaw bought a sports car and transformed a relationship in the process. My sister transformed her money into a thriving business that was eventually shut down due to an infestation.
Missy: Ew.
Adult Sheldon: And for a brief moment, I became part of my dream company. Fun fact: later that year, RadioShack did open a megastore called Incredible Universe. Turned out the only thing incredible about it was how quickly it closed down. Oopsie.

Adult Sheldon: For many college kids, waiting in line for concert tickets is a rite of passage, and I was no different. Except, instead of rock and roll music, my concert was a lecture on black hole topology. Instead of a stage dive, I would dive into knowledge. Instead of guitar-shredding solos, I would witness universe-shredding hypotheses. And instead of a charismatic front man dazzling the audience, there would be... well, actually, the exact same thing.

Adult Sheldon: Paige made me realize that maybe I wasn't the loner I thought I was. Maybe I was a social butterfly, or a social animal less horrifying than a butterfly. Get it off the screen. But the point is, I was becoming a people person.
Sheldon: You again?
Paige: Well, hello to you, too.

Adult Sheldon: I've heard people say fathers are the real superheroes. My dad couldn't fly or bend steel, and you would not want to see him in Spandex. But like Superman, he had his Fortress of Solitude.

Adult Sheldon: I don't care how dimwitted you are, scientific principles have to make you smile. Of course, nobody I knew in East Texas in 1989 cared about Newtonian physics. The only Newtons they cared about were Wayne and Fig.

Sheldon: Hello, Billy Sparks.
Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I am genuinely interested in you and would like to encourage you to talk about yourself. Billy Sparks.
Billy Sparks: Thank you. [long silence]
Sheldon: You have the floor.
Billy Sparks: Thank you.
Adult Sheldon: Looking back, I would've had better luck making friends with the chickens.

Adult Sheldon: The list proved to be a double-edged sword. It turns out self-help books written in 1936 were only of interest to adults. Emotionally troubled adults.