George Sr.: This is the moment we lost that game. But one bad play doesn't mean you give up. We had plenty of time to turn it around, but y'all decided it was over. I don't want to ever see that happen again. Next time something seems out of your reach, you do not quit. You just dig deeper.
Sheldon: [appears out of nowhere] Does that mean if I find an affordable flight to California, we can go?

Fran: Hi. Can I help you?
Sheldon: I'm trying to find the cheapest flight to California for me and my father.
Fran: Okay. Well, have a seat. You lookin' to go to Disneyland?
Sheldon: The only ride I'm interested in is the intellectual roller coaster of Stephen Hawking's mind.
Fran: And where is that located?
Sheldon: Well... Stephen Hawking's head. But that will be at Caltech in Pasadena.

Sheldon: Are there any discounts available?
Fran: Are you a member of any frequent-flier programs?
Sheldon: No, I've never flown before.
Fran: Well, ways to keep the cost down are: flying on weekdays, multiple layovers... Or, this probably doesn't apply, but airlines offer special fares if there's been a death in the family.
Sheldon: Interesting. May I use your phone?
[elsewhere:]
Meemaw: [answering phone] Hello?
[back:]
Sheldon: What else you got?

Sheldon: How do you recommend I "suck it up"?
Missy: I don't know, when you don't get your way, shut up and move on.
Sheldon: Is that what you do?
Missy: Yeah.
Sheldon: And that's why you don't have a computer.

Captain: [v.o.] Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We're expecting a smooth flight to Los Angeles. Before we take off, please direct your attention to the flight attendants as they review some important safety procedures.
Sheldon: "Safety procedures"? Oh, baby.

Sheldon: I think we've been lied to about California. No one on this campus is tan at all.
George Sr.: No, they are not.

Sheldon: Imagine all the stimulating conversations that must go on at these tables.
George Sr.: I bet.
Sheldon: I can see myself going here one day.
George Sr.: I think you'd fit right in.

Sheldon: I guess I need to call and let him know what a bonehead mistake he made.
George Sr.: There's probably a nicer way to say it.
Sheldon: Did you hear how massive his neutrinos were? We're well into bonehead territory.
George Sr.: Sheldon, you don't need to be rude to him.
Sheldon: When am I rude?
[flashback to Sheldon watching a Missy combs the hair of her Cabbage Patch Doll:]
Sheldon: Stay a child as long as you can. Adulthood will not be kind to you.
[flashback to Sheldon looking at Meemaw's leg:]
Sheldon: Neat. The veins on your calf look like a road map of Texas.
[flashback to Sheldon at dinner time:]
Sheldon: Did you make this taste bad so Dad would lose weight?
[present:]
Sheldon: Fine. I'll be polite. But I still think we could go to San Antonio using Meemaw's leg.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, our conversation about my paper resulted in a very productive couple of days. I completely rewrote the whole thing from scratch.
Sheldon: Exciting. I know credits are usually listed alphabetically, but I'm completely fine with my name going second.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, I've worked on this paper for years. I'm not putting your name on it at all.
Sheldon: But I helped you.
Dr. John Sturgis: You did, but you didn't cowrite the paper with me.
Sheldon: Is that so?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, it is.
Sheldon: Well, this is an outrage. After all the help I've given you, and I don't even get credit?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, of course you are. You're getting a special thanks in the footnotes.
Sheldon: No one reads the footnotes.
Dr. John Sturgis: I do.
Sheldon: Well, I do, too, but that doesn't mean I want to be in them.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, that's where people get recognition for helping.
Sheldon: Oh, you mean the help of using my math to convert your hazy series of meanderings into a well-formed scientific thesis?
Dr. John Sturgis: I think you're overstating your contribution.
Sheldon: Well, I think you should be wearing a black ski mask because you're trying to rob me blind.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, if anyone should be wearing an odd piece of apparel, it should be you wearing a baby bonnet, because that's how you're behaving.
Sheldon: [gasps]
Meemaw: Ready to go?
Sheldon: Very! It's a good thing she showed up, because I do not have a comeback.

Sheldon: Darn it. When he called me a baby, I should've said, "Then I guess you needed a baby's help to fix your paper."
Meemaw: Very clever.
Sheldon: Turn the car around.
Meemaw: We're halfway home. It's not that clever.

Sheldon: And who says you have to be mature to go to college? I've seen Animal House.
Meemaw: You have?
Sheldon: Well, I've seen the poster. Those people are not college material.

Meemaw: Moon Pie, I know you don't like to hear this, but there are some things in life that can only be learned in time.
Sheldon: So you must have learned them all, huh?
Meemaw: Get out of my house.

Mary: Shelly, you want ice cream?
Missy: Ice cream!
Sheldon: All right.
Mary: Here you go. And no runnin'.
Sheldon: In these loafers? Not a chance.
Mary: I was jokin'.
Sheldon: Okay.

Sheldon: Something suspicious is happening next door.
George Sr.: Like what?
Sheldon: Groups of strangers keep coming and going. They must be using the house to sell drugs.
George Sr.: No one's selling drugs, they're just havin' an open house.
Sheldon: What's that?
George Sr.: They open up the house so people interested in buyin' it can take a look.
Sheldon: That explains why 911 hung up on me.

Adult Sheldon: I had no choice but to determine if any of these prospective home buyers would be suitable neighbors. This shifty fellow?
Sheldon: He looks like trouble.
Adult Sheldon: That woman and whatever dark secret is hiding in her bag?
Sheldon: Probably a machete.
Adult Sheldon: Oh, this lady seems promising.
[fantasy scene of Sheldon laying awake at night as a baby cries]
Sheldon: Not on my watch.

Sheldon: Ooh, listen to this: "A seller or seller's agent must disclose if a homicide has occurred on the property."
Tam: Why is that helpful?
Sheldon: That could scare off any unwanted buyers.
Tam: Has there ever been a murder next door?
Sheldon: I sure hope so.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello, Officer Robin. This is Sheldon Cooper.
Officer Robin: What's wrong, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I was wondering if anyone was murdered in the house next door to mine.
Officer Robin: You mean murdered today?
Sheldon: No, ever, but today would work, too.
Officer Robin: It'll take me a while to check.
Sheldon: That's fine, I can hold. [to Tam] Tell Mr. Givens I may be a little late to class. It's a police matter.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Yes, I'm still here.
Officer Robin: Sorry, no murders. Just one death from natural causes in 1948.
Sheldon: How can we be sure it wasn't foul play?
Officer Robin: The man was 96 years old, Sheldon.
Sheldon: That's a lot of years to make enemies.
Officer Robin: Bye. [line clicks, dial tone sounds]

Sheldon: Mr. Lundy. Oh, what now? What happened with the open house after you had me kicked out? Were there any potential buyers? And if so, can I have their names so I can run a background check with my friends in blue?

Ms. Hutchins: Oh, I can't afford a house, but I'm flattered you'd want me next door.
Sheldon: Of course I would. You don't have enough friends to throw a party.
Ms. Hutchins: Yeah, well... Neither-neither do you!