Mary: How's it going in there, baby?
Sheldon: [gargling, spits] Okay, but we're gonna need more Listerine.

Adult Sheldon: From a young age, I was the proud member of several elite organizations: The Radio Shack Battery Club, entitling the bearer to the incredible bargain of one free battery per month. It's no wonder they went out of business.
Starfleet International, entitling the bearer to say things like, "I'm a member of Starfleet International."
And best of all, the Natural Science Museum of Texas, which included a free subscription to their magazine.
Sheldon: "The secrets of carbon isotope dating." Juicy.

George: Your mother's taking him to school.
Sheldon: That's not very efficient. Our car's already going there.
George: Not that it's any of your business, but I needed a break from your brother.
Sheldon: I certainly understand that. He's an acquired taste. Like Grape-Nuts. The first time I tried it, I thought I was eating gravel. But then I put a little sugar on it and let it get soggy. Now it's in my top six cereals.
George: I'll try soaking Georgie in a bowl of milk.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
George: Yeah.
Sheldon: I had a feeling. The clue was you don't normally put people in bowls of milk.

Sheldon: Beginning on Wednesday night, I observed my parents arguing over the possibility of us moving to Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Mr. Givens: Ugh, Oklahoma.
Sheldon: The argument escalated and then my father stormed out and bought a Fiero.
[voice breaks] And then I went to my Meemaw's and slept in my underwear. [sobbing, Sheldon drops his paper and runs out of class]
Mr. Givens: That's it. I've wasted my life.

Nurse Robinson: Here you go. One O.J.
Sheldon: I see pulp.
Nurse Robinson: No, you don't. I strained it with a paper towel.
Sheldon: Now all I can taste is towel. And pulp.

Mary: Sheldon, hang up the phone. It's dinner time.
Sheldon: Be right there, Mom.I'm do ing battle with corporate America.

Sheldon: Yes, I do understand we're in the middle of a cold war. But have you seen how many people wait in line for bread in Moscow? It stands to reason their bread must be great.

George: This is perfect. They're mad at each other. Takes the heat off us.
Sheldon: Thank you. I had no idea what was going on.

Sheldon: Ooh. Perhaps this is a good time for a physics joke.
Missy: It isn't.
Sheldon: That's the cool thing about physics, time is relative. Okay, here we go. Why was the pirate worried that his shoes were less than "H"? [silence ] Because he had to walk the Planck. [silence] Get it? Because Max Planck is a famous physicist who discovered a constant which is represented by "H." And then he...

Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon!
Sheldon: Hello, Billy Sparks. Hello, Matilda Sparks.
Billy Sparks: I heard you're going to high school tomorrow.
Sheldon: I am. You're going to have to find someone else to torment on the playground.
Billy Sparks: "Torment"?
Sheldon: (sighs) It means to maliciously harass.
Billy Sparks: "Her ass"? (chuckles) That's funny.
Sheldon: Well, this was nice.
Billy Sparks: [holds chicken close to Sheldon's face] Hey, doofus! (squawks)
Sheldon: Mom!

Ms. Fenley: Do you know this sonata?
Sheldon: No.
Ms. Fenley: How long have you played the piano?
Sheldon: I don't play piano.

Meemaw: I tell you what. You go get a piece of paper and a pencil, I'll write it down for you.
George: Okay. It's happening!
Mary: That's the fastest I've seen him run.
Sheldon: It's the only time I've seen him run.

Sheldon: Mom?
Mary: Why are you still up?
Sheldon: Madame Curie is on the roof, and she's not wearing her hat.
Mary: You're just dreaming, baby.
Sheldon: But she'll be cold without her hat.
Mary: I'll give her mine. Now you go to sleep.
Sheldon: Mm, thanks, Mom. You're the best.

Mary: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, welcome.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you, Sheldon.
Mary: Sheldon, you think you might've let me know you invited company over for dinner?
Sheldon: I did think about it, but I was afraid you might say no.

Sheldon: You seem awfully young, Paige. Are you with an adult who's taking this class?
Paige: No. Dr. Sturgis heard about my research on quantum chromodynamics at high temperatures and invited me to audit his course.
Sheldon: Is that so?
Paige: Yes. He's been super nice.
Sheldon: Interesting. Well, just so we're clear, he's my mentor, he's my meemaw's boyfriend, and he had spaghetti and hot dogs at my house.