Sheldon: Well, you're lucky it was just a baby and not a computer.
Georgie: It don't look broken.
Sheldon: "Doesn't." And it isn't.
Georgie: "Ain't."
Sheldon: Point is, my roommate went behind my back.
Georgie: Did he at least mean well?
Sheldon: Absolutely. He's a nice fella.
Georgie: Then what's your problem?
Sheldon: I'll show you.
Computer Voice: Check. Checkmate. Computer wins.
Sheldon: And it's set to novice level.
Georgie: I don't understand a damn thing I'm looking at.

Sheldon: So, you and my brother got married and no one invited me?
Mandy: Sorry, it was kind of a last-minute thing.
Sheldon: No, I was thanking you. I hope that, someday, my sister won't invite me to her wedding.
Missy: I won't.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Dale: Has this worked before?
Sheldon: It has.
Meemaw: Oh. Well, that's good news.
Sheldon: The bad news is, you'll probably be institutionalized.
Meemaw: You-you... you want me to go to the nuthouse?
Sheldon: I want you to stay out of prison.
Meemaw: Oh, Moon Pie, thank you. Thank you so much. I really do appreciate it, but I'm fine.

Mary: Oh, Shelly, you got a package from your little friend.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis sent me something? He's so cute.
Mary: No, your tutor friend from Germany.
Sheldon: Mei-Tung was not my tutor, she just assisted me in learning things I didn't understand yet.
Mary: What'd you get?
Sheldon: It's the latest issue of the International Physics Review. "Sheldon, check out page 58. "I never thought I'd be published in such a prestigious journal."
Mary: Wow, good for her.
Sheldon: Good for her? What kind of monster sends mail across multiple time zones just to rub their success in my face? Indulging the ramblings of a child. My respect for this esteemed journal is plummeting.

Sheldon: Oh, my.
Mary: What is it?
Sheldon: It's the paper I wrote with Mei-Tung. I'm the coauthor of an article in a highly esteemed physics journal.
Mary: Well, that's neat, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Neat is a robot that doesn't look like a truck that turns into a truck. This treatise revolutionizes the theory of manifolds.
Mary: What word would you like me to use?
Sheldon: How about... transformative?
Mary: Sheldon, that's transformative.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Sheldon: You know how a Möbius strip generalized to the third dimension is a Klein bottle?
Missy: Dumber.
Sheldon: A Möbius strip is a two-dimensional manifold that's embedded in...
Missy: Dumber.
Sheldon: Do you know what a square is?
Meemaw: Yes.
Sheldon: Cube?
Meemaw: Of course.
Sheldon: Then you know what a C-8 octachoron is.
[Meemaw and Missy stare blankly at Sheldon]

Sheldon: It's refreshing to talk to people who appreciate my work.
Dr. John Sturgis: Appreciate it, understand it, and are inspired by it.
Dr. Linkletter: Ditto, ditto and ditto.
Dr. John Sturgis: And I'm sure your family is very proud.
Sheldon: Yes, but not just me. Childish maps, impregnating a woman out of wedlock... they're proud of all their kids.
[Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter stare blankly at Sheldon]

Dr. John Sturgis: We know this recruiting thing can be stressful, and we just wanted to see how you're holding up.
Sheldon: It's actually not stressful at all. My parents have been handling most of it.
Dr. Linkletter: That's great. That's why it's good to have family close by.
Dr. John Sturgis: Friends and family just a hop, skip and a jump away.
Sheldon: I don't hop, skip or jump.
Dr. Linkletter: See, that's that sense of humor that we get but strangers may not.
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes. [forced laughter]

Missy: What school's winning?
Sheldon: I've narrowed it down to Caltech and MIT. Geographically equidistant, so the travel time home would be about the same. Caltech has Stephen Hawking, which is exciting, but he hasn't won a Nobel Prize, unlike Henry Kendall at MIT, who recently did.
Missy: What's this little guy?
Sheldon: Both schools' mascot is a beaver. Not pertinent to my needs, but amusing nonetheless.

Missy: Well, if you want my opinion, I say pick the one that's near the beach and Hollywood.
Sheldon: I hate those. Advantage MIT.
Missy: Where's that?
Sheldon: Boston.
Missy: So, what's your gut say?
Sheldon: It doesn't say anything. It's not a thinking organ.
Missy: Fine, what's your... Spidey-sense tell you?
Sheldon: Spidey-sense warns Peter Parker of imminent danger. It doesn't help him pick schools.

Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Which is better? One [holds out MIT cap] or two [Caltech cap]? One, two? Hat I'll never wear one, hat I'll never wear two.
Dr. John Sturgis: Are you okay?
Sheldon: No, I didn't sleep at all last night. For the life of me, I can't decide between Caltech and MIT. No matter how I analyze it, how I break it down, they're basically equal.
Dr. Linkletter: Great, then just pick the one you want.
Sheldon: What I want is to not have to make this decision.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, you could always stay here.
Sheldon: Maybe you're right. Maybe deciding not to decide is the best decision I can decide.
Dr. John Sturgis: Possibly.
Sheldon: After all, an object at rest stays at rest. That's just physics.
Dr. Linkletter: The kind of physics we understand.

Sheldon: Wow. What a mess.
Meemaw: Yeah.
Sheldon: You want me to organize this whole room in two days?
Meemaw: I do.
Sheldon: Oh, boy. Thank you, Meemaw.

President Hagemeyer: So, what am I supposed to do with this?
Sheldon: Just because I won't be here doesn't mean I won't forever be associated with this university. And it would be nice if people looked at my résumé and said "East Texas Tech," not "East Texas Tech."
President Hagemeyer: You said those the exact same way.
Sheldon: Really? In my head, the second one was dripping with scorn. "East Texas Tech." How was that?
President Hagemeyer: Dripping.
Sheldon: Mm.

President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, I appreciate this, but, uh, we have an excellent faculty here, and they are quite capable of devising their own curriculum without your help.
Sheldon: I suppose I could spin East Texas Tech as a hardship I had to overcome, like a hunchback or a club foot.
President Hagemeyer: [quietly] 54 days.
Sheldon: I know. I'm going to miss this, too.
President Hagemeyer: Mm.

Meemaw: [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Hello, Meemaw.
Meemaw: Well, isn't this a nice surprise?
Sheldon: You're old. Can you still learn new things? [Meemaw hangs up]
Meemaw: [answers phone] Want to try that again?
Sheldon: I need your help.
Meemaw: I'm listening.
Sheldon: I'm trying to teach Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis string theory, and they're struggling. I'm worried that their advanced age is a factor. And since you're also...
Meemaw: Careful.
Sheldon: ... in the winter of your life... [call disconnects]
Meemaw: [answers phone] You were saying?
Sheldon: And since you're also a wise and mature woman...
Meemaw: Go on.
Sheldon: ...you might have some tips on how best to educate others in your peer group.