Sheldon Quotes
Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken
Pastor Jeff: Please be seated. A Pharisee once asked Jesus what the greatest commandment was, and do you know what he said? [Sheldon raises his hand] Sheldon, it's a rhetorical question.
Sheldon: Aw.
Quote from the episode Teenager Soup and a Little Ball of Fib
Sheldon: I'm being forced to swim tomorrow in P.E.
Missy: Poor baby. You have to play in a pool instead of sit in a classroom.
Sheldon: A pool of sweat, germs and dead skin cells.
Missy: Still better than learning.
Sheldon: Maybe it's time for me to run away from home and join a traveling math club.
Quote from the episode A Live Chicken, a Fried Chicken and Holy Matrimony
Pastor Jeff: Actually, Mary, can I speak to you for a sec?
Mary: Sure. Um, I'll be right there.
Meemaw: Yeah, make it quick. I don't want to miss kickoff.
Sheldon: [groans] Church and football? At least 60 Minutes is on tonight.
Quote from the episode A Live Chicken, a Fried Chicken and Holy Matrimony
Jana: I think I'm gonna go.
George Jr.: Okay.
Sheldon: Hola, senorita. She's in my Spanish class.
Jana: I'll call you later.
Sheldon: Te veo manana en la clase de espanol.
Jana: What?
Sheldon: That means, "See you tomorrow in Spanish class." I was going to ask how you thought you did on Friday's quiz, but I'm guessing the answer is no bueno. Adios.
Quote from the episode A Live Chicken, a Fried Chicken and Holy Matrimony
Meemaw: What's going on here?
Sheldon: Wesley Crusher was just accepted into Starfleet Academy, and for his final mission, he's accompanying Picard on a shuttle mission to Pentarus Five.
Meemaw: No. I mean who's your friend?
Sheldon: Oh, he's not a friend. He's a stranger. I met him on a Star Trek bulletin board. He had a copy of the episode Georgie taped over and brought it here.
Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit
Sheldon: Paige, you're supposed to be doing science with me.
Paige: That's boring. I want to do something dangerous.
Sheldon: This is dangerous. We don't have an eye wash station.
Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit
Mary: Okay, Paige, where should we go to get your backpack?
Paige: The Hello Kitty store.
Sheldon: I would help you find it, but this subpar mall map isn't even oriented north.
Missy: Let's go.
Mary: All right, have fun at the Hello Kitty store, and meet me at the fountain in half an hour.
Sheldon: Just to be clear, there are no actual kitties, right?
Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit
Sheldon: This isn't the Hello Kitty store.
Paige: No. It's Hot Topic.
Sheldon: What's the topic, devil worship?
Missy: Hey, did you know there's a bow tie section in the back?
Sheldon: Why would they hide that in the back? [exits]
Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit
Missy: Let's just get out of here.
Sheldon: Good. Everyone behind the counter has an earring where an earring does not belong.
Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit
Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] John Sturgis at your service.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, Sheldon Cooper.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, Sheldon. How are you doing?
Sheldon: Confused, upset, annoyed, and potentially in trouble with the law.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, in which order would you like to handle this?
Sheldon: Let's start with confused, but if we hear sirens approaching, we'll jump ahead.
Quote from the episode Contracts, Rules and a Little Bit of Pig Brains
Mary: Shelly, why don't you put your book down and watch your sister play? It's getting exciting.
Sheldon: It looks like everyone's just standing there.
George Sr.: There's two outs, bases are loaded, a-and the winning run's on second.
Meemaw: But if Missy throws one more strike, they'll win.
Sheldon: And then we can go home? That is exciting.
Quote from the episode Contracts, Rules and a Little Bit of Pig Brains
Sheldon: But your idea of a winner-takes-all competition is a good one. We just need to come up with something that is fair to both of us. Ooh. What if we list all the spices in Mom's spice rack alphabetically? I'll go first. Adobo. Black pepper. Cinnamon. Coriander. Cumin.
Missy: We're not playing the spice game.
Sheldon: Dill.
Missy: Urgh!
Quote from the episode Contracts, Rules and a Little Bit of Pig Brains
Missy: Come on.
Sheldon: I don't want to.
Missy: Just one more time.
Sheldon: Fine.
Both: Rock, paper, scissors, candy, pony!
Sheldon: Rock trips pony. I win.
Missy: How do you keep winning?
Sheldon: You keep picking pony.
Quote from the episode A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel
George Jr.: Listen to this: "Raise bees and sell the honey for profit."
Sheldon: Do it, and I'm living with Meemaw.
Quote from the episode A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel
George Jr.: Hey, what you doing?
Sheldon: Playing a historically accurate game called The Oregon Trail.
George Jr.: That sounds boring.
Sheldon: Hardly. My wagon broke an axle, and my wife died of dysentery.
George Jr.: Well, can you pause it for a sec?
Sheldon: It does seems rude to push on to Oregon while my daughter Mabel is mourning the loss of her mother.
Quote from the episode A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel
Sheldon: Are you still interested in getting rich quick?
George Jr.: No, I want to do it slow like a chump.
Sheldon: Oh. Never mind.
Quote from the episode A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub
Sheldon: Can't we just do this individually?
Keith: Why are you complaining? I'm the one stuck working with a kid.
Sheldon: Hey. When it comes to physics, I'm practically a coot. Which is an old person word for someone who's old. Tell him.
Dr. John Sturgis: It is.
Sam: Let's just go to a coffee shop and get this over with.
Sheldon: I can't go now. I have to get home for my bath and bedtime. Which is also something an old person does.
Dr. John Sturgis: That we do.
Quote from the episode A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub
Sheldon: Hello, Sam, Keith, big bag of dirty underpants.
Quote from the episode Pasadena
Sheldon: So can we go?
George Sr.: I don't know. Go take a shower.
Sheldon: I still have two minutes and 15 seconds. Let's nail this down.
George Sr.: Where's the lecture? And if the answer's Dallas, we're not going.
Sheldon: Good news: it's not Dallas.
George Sr.: Where?
Sheldon: Pasadena, California.
George Sr.: California? That's a lot further than Dallas.
Sheldon: 1,232 miles further as the crow flies. But kudos to you for being up on your geography.
Quote from the episode Pasadena
George Sr.: This is the moment we lost that game. But one bad play doesn't mean you give up. We had plenty of time to turn it around, but y'all decided it was over. I don't want to ever see that happen again. Next time something seems out of your reach, you do not quit. You just dig deeper.
Sheldon: [appears out of nowhere] Does that mean if I find an affordable flight to California, we can go?
- View another character
- Sheldon
- Mary
- George Sr.
- George Jr.
- Missy
- Meemaw
- Pastor Jeff
- Adult Sheldon