Georgie: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Oh. Hi, Georgie.
Georgie: Why was Veronica Duncan hugging you?
Sheldon: I'm tutoring her in trigonometry.
Georgie: And that gets you hugs?
Sheldon: Thanks to me, she got her first C-minus. Just between us, she's a little slow.
Georgie: That's not what I heard.
Sheldon: What did you hear? Is she secretly clever? Because if she is, I completely missed it.

Dr. Barrett: This is a nice surprise. I don't usually see young people at my lectures.
Paige: I enjoyed your paper on accelerator mass spectrometry, and wanted to find out more.
Dr. Barrett: Is that so? And you?
Sheldon: I read this magazine.
Dr. Barrett: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: It has puzzles, too.
Dr. Barrett: Okay.

Stan: All right, I don't have the Sperry loafers in your size, but I do have the Hush Puppies.
Sheldon: I don't wear brown Hush Puppies penny loafers, I wear brown Sperry penny loafers.
Stan: But they're exactly the same.
Sheldon: Well, do they come in a box that says Sperry penny loafers? Because that one says Hush Puppies.
Mary: Just try 'em on, honey.
Sheldon: What if I like them?
Mary: Well, then we'll get them.
Sheldon: All right, let's go over this again. I don't wear brown Hush Puppies penny loafers, I wear brown Sperry-
Mary: Would you give us a moment?
Stan: Happily.

Sheldon: Well, I for one plan to do something about it.
Tam: Like what?
Sheldon: I'm going to goof off, engage in horseplay, and if time permits, be quite immature.
Tam: If time permits?
Sheldon: I have homework, too.

Ms. Hutchins: Need any help there, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I'm looking for some books on education theory.
Ms. Hutchins: What for?
Sheldon: I'm trying to develop a technique to teach someone who falls into the conventional category of "stupid."
Ms. Hutchins: Oh. Well, now, there's a wide range of stupid. Can you narrow it down?
Sheldon: She wrote a fan letter to Alf.
Ms. Hutchins: Got it. So you're looking to make a pretty radical change.
Sheldon: Well, ideally, I'd like to wipe my sister's brain clean and start over, but my mom wouldn't like that.
Ms. Hutchins: Yeah. Moms are no fun.

Sheldon: All right, let's try this again. Would you be ready to learn some advanced calculus if it saved Celeste's pigtails?
Missy: What are you doing? Put her down.
Sheldon: Not until I modify your behavior.

Mary: Care to explain yourself?
Sheldon: I was trying to motivate Missy to expand her intellectual horizons.
Mary: By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll?
Sheldon: Well, it's not like I shocked her with electrodes, which was an option.
Mary: Enough.
Sheldon: To be clear, I meant to shock Missy, not the doll. That would be ineffective.
Mary: Enough!

Nurse Robinson: What?
Sheldon: Do you know where my mother is?
Nurse Robinson: I think she went down to the cafeteria. What do you need?
Sheldon: I can't sleep.
Nurse Robinson: Did you try counting sheep?
Sheldon: Oh, no, I'm afraid of farm animals.
Nurse Robinson: Of course you are.

Sheldon: Georgie, question: In the hallway earlier today, were you upset or hungry?
Georgie: Shut up.
Sheldon: That's hungry.

Sheldon: Well, my mother didn't do anything differently.
Tam: Are you gonna eat it?
Sheldon: Better. I'm going to do science on it.
Tam: I would eat it.

Sheldon: Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance. I pledge allegiance to the Flag Of the United States of America And to the Republic for which it stands One Nation Here's a fun fact about the next two words: "Under God" wasn't added to the Pledge of Allegiance until 1954. My first act as your president is to remove the words "under God" from the Pledge in order to honor the separation of church and state in this public high school.
Principal Petersen: Okay, that's enough.
Sheldon: You can't take my microphone. I'm the president.

Mary: Shelly? Shelly? Everything okay?
Sheldon: [nasally voice] Hunky-dory. Why?
Mary: Well, you're kind of dressed like you kidnapped yourself.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm trying to block out sensory input. I hit a roadblock determining whether virtual particles have a fixed mass or violate momentum conservation. But then I remembered that Nikola Tesla believed that isolation is where ideas are born.
Mary: Who's Nikola Tesla?
Sheldon: One of the most prolific scientists of the 20th century.
Mary: Okay. And, um just out of curiosity, how isolated was he?
Sheldon: Oh, highly. He found human contact revolting.
Mary: [sigh] Well, that's kind of a lonely way to live, don't you think?
Sheldon: Well, he wasn't entirely alone. At the end of his life, he became good friends with a brown pigeon.

Mary: Let me try this a different way. Um, do you ever feel paranoid, like people are out to get you?
Sheldon: I'm a ten-year-old in high school people are out to get me.
Mary: That's fair.

Dr. Linkletter: Connie. So nice to see you.
Meemaw: Nice to see you, too. Sheldon, this is Dr. Linkletter.
Sheldon: Hello.
Dr. Linkletter: [holding out his hand] I've heard so much about you.
Sheldon: Apparently not how I feel about shaking hands.

Mary: You want to get comfy on the couch and watch your Star Trek tapes?
Sheldon: No, thank you.
Mary: I know what'll make you feel better. [singing] Soft kitty, warm kitty Little ball of fur Happy kitty Sleepy kitty Purr, purr, purr Soft liar, warm liar Little ball of fib Happy liar, sleepy liar Fib, fib, fib. Feel better?
Sheldon: Uh-uh.