Adult Sheldon: [v.o.] We often regret the things we don't say. There's a lot of things I wish I had said to my dad while he was around. That I appreciated him. That I loved him. Which is why I'm grateful for the times I did tell him how I felt.
Sheldon: Tonight was fun.
George: Yeah? Why is that?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis was here. Everybody talked about science. It was nice.
George: It was.

Sheldon: Just think. You'll have this table all to yourself.
Tam: Actually, I joined the jazz band. Those guys have their own table in the cafeteria.
Sheldon: Oh.
Tam: They're pretty cool. The drummer's even got a goatee.
Sheldon: Well, I'm glad I knew you before you became a heroin addict.

Pastor Jeff: Because the first day had just begun.
Sheldon: So, before the Big Bang?
Pastor Jeff: There was no Big Bang. There was only the Word.
Sheldon: Was the word "kaboom"?

Mr. Givens: All right, losers, you know how this works. One hour, no talking, no horseplay. Sheldon?
Sheldon: Hello, Mr. Givens.
Mr. Givens: Why are you here?
Sheldon: I didn't want to catch a cold from Ms. MacElroy, so I left her classroom without a hall pass.
Mr. Givens: Well, something is going around. I actually had a little tickle in my throat.
Sheldon: Okay, time to go. Nice meeting you.
Mr. Givens: Whoa, what-what are you doing?
Sheldon: You've heard of fight or flight? This is flight.

Dr. Gilbert: So, those pain meds should already be kicking in. Then my buddy Gary here is gonna administer the gas, which'll help you sleep. And once you're under, we'll make a little incision and snatch that guy right outta there. Any questions?
Sheldon: Yes. What kind of doctor says, "Snatch that guy right out of there?"
Dr. Gilbert: Just trying to put you at ease.
Sheldon: It didn't work. Where did you go to medical school?
Dr. Gilbert: University of Nebraska.
Sheldon: Uh-oh. Did you at least graduate with honors?
Dr. Gilbert: Top of my class.
Sheldon: Have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?
Dr. Gilbert: Not a drop.
Sheldon: How much sleep did you get last-
Dr. Gilbert: Gary, can we-
Gary: Got it. Just relax and start counting backwards from 100.
Sheldon: Wait, Gary, where did you study anesthesiolo-

Mary: How's it going, baby?
Sheldon: I don't think anyone's showing up, not even Tam.
Mary: I'm here.
Sheldon: Yeah, but you're my mom. You live on the premises. At least Dr. Sturgis should be here any minute.
Mary: Shelly, I'm afraid Dr. Sturgis isn't coming this morning.
Sheldon: Why not?
Mary: He isn't feeling well.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. Should we send him a get well card?
Mary: I think that'd be terrific.

[Sheldon is chuckling as he stares at a blank screen]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Watching last week's Professor Proton in my mind.

President Hagemeyer: I must tell you that Sheldon was very excited to hear that you might be joining us.
Linda: Well, isn't he sweet?
Paige: He's a peach.
Sheldon: All right, I'm here. [to Hagemeyer] Hello. [to Linda] Hello. [coldly to Paige] Hello.
Paige: Hi, Sheldon. I'm so excited for you to show me around campus today.
Sheldon: The only reason I'm doing it is because...
President Hagemeyer: He's excited to do it, I'm excited he's doing it. Are you excited?
Linda: Sure.
President Hagemeyer: Everyone's excited. Yay.
Sheldon: [sighs] Come on, let's go.
Paige: You and me, together again. It just feels right, doesn't it? [Sheldon grumbles]

Sheldon: Where are we going?
Missy: Right there.
Sheldon: An old shack in the middle of the woods? Have you even seen Scooby Doo?
Missy: Great, go home.
Sheldon: At night, by myself? Nice try.

Pat: Look, you seem like nice folk, but Yankees ain't popular around here. I suggest you be on your way.
Dr. Linkletter: Sorry to have troubled you. Let's go.
Sheldon: Excuse me. My colleagues may be from the North, but for your information, I'm a Texan, born and bred. I know that real chili has no beans, and when my meemaw says, "Bless your heart," she means something very different. Now, my friend here is in need of help, and since our state motto is literally "friendship," may he please use your phone?
Pat: Well, dang. [puts the phone on the bar]
Dr. John Sturgis: And could I trouble you for a yellow pages?
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, boy.

Paige: Your neighbors let you hang out with them?
Sheldon: I'm basically the social glue of our floor.

Sheldon: If we're switching religions, may I recommend Judaism.
Mary: Why?
Sheldon: Both William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy are Jewish.
George: So?
Sheldon: Isn't that enough?

Sheldon: Good morning. I'm Sheldon Cooper. Thank you for taking the time to hear my proposal. I have some handouts.
Mr. Anderson: I-I'm sorry, who are you?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm... Sheldon Cooper. I'm here to pitch my idea for a grant computer database.
Mr. Anderson: How old are you?
Sheldon: When you hear my presentation, I believe you'll realize my age is irrelevant.
Mr. Anderson: So there's no adult with you?
Sheldon: Well, my mom drove me here, but I told her to wait in the car.
Mr. Anderson: Is this a joke?
Sheldon: I assure you, it's not. When I make jokes, I follow them with a "bazinga" so it's clear. Like this: "Bazinga."

Dr. Linkletter: This will allow us to calculate the speed of sound in the liquid using the standard elements of the Einstein field equations. The answer is only correct, of course, if the density changes slowly. And to begin, we use the standard equations of thermal physics to simplify the answer... [sniffing] Wh-Wha-What am I smelling?
Sheldon: Oh, that might be my sauerkraut and knockwurst.
Ben: [raises hand] It is.
Dr. Linkletter: Why are you eating sauerkraut in my classroom?
Sheldon: I'm acclimating my body to a Germanic meat-based diet.
Dr. Linkletter: At 11:00 a.m.?
Sheldon: It's dinnertime in Heidelberg.
Dr. Linkletter: We're not in Heidelberg.
Sheldon: But I will be over the summer, so I'm trying to adjust my internal clock to the local time so I can hit the ground running mitout jet lag.
Dr. Linkletter: I got to get back to my lecture, if that doesn't interfere with your meal.
Sheldon: Oh, dinner and a show, I love it. Although... would you be a lamb and open this jar of mustard for me?
Dr. Linkletter: Here are two words you don't often hear... poor Germany.

Evan: It's your call. Particle accelerator, or no particle accelerator?
Sheldon: Let me fetch my money sock.
Evan: You keep your money in a sock?
Sheldon: My meemaw keeps her money in her bra.