Georgie: It's for my daughter. Mom baptized her in the kitchen sink, and Mandy's mom did it in a Catholic church.
Sheldon: Sure. Baptists versus Catholics. Much blood was shed over that in the 1500s.

Sheldon: [knocks three times] Meemaw. [knocks three times] Meemaw. [knocks three times] Meemaw.
Meemaw: [opens door] What?
Sheldon: Oh, my, you look terrible. [covers his nose and mouth with his inner elbow] Are you sick?
Meemaw: Of life, yes.
Sheldon: Oh, good. [lowers elbow] That's not contagious.
Meemaw: Get in here. The light's killing me.
Sheldon: You smell like alcohol. Yucky.

Sheldon: [knocks three times] Meemaw. [knocks three times] Meemaw. [knocks three times] Meemaw.
Meemaw: [opens door] Does that mean I have to say hello three times?
Sheldon: No, that would be crazy.
Meemaw: Agreed.

President Hagemeyer: Why on Earth would I buy your house?
Sheldon: Not you, the university.
President Hagemeyer: Okay, why would the university buy your house?
Sheldon: We've been over this. Someday, I'm going to win a Nobel Prize. My childhood bedroom is in said home. It's gonna be like the thinking man's Graceland.

Sheldon: [knocks three times] Missy.
Missy: [o.s.] Yeah?
Sheldon: [knocks three times] Missy.
Missy: [o.s.] What?
Sheldon: [knocks three times] Missy.
Missy: [opens door] What?

Pastor Jeff: So you were saying?
Sheldon: You've confused possibilities with probabilities. According to your analogy, when I go home I might find a million dollars on my bed or I might not. In what universe is that 50-50?

George: Sheldon, I need to get in there.
Sheldon: Poop at Meemaw's!

Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello. Yes, you can help me, Dorothy Fitzpatrick. I'm interested in taking out a second mortgage. I'm nine years old. Why do you ask? That's called age discrimination, Dorothy, but I'm willing to let it slide. I'm glad you find me cute, but I'm deadly serious. I need funds to buy a computer. No, the house isn't in my name. I'm nine. We've established this. I do prepare the taxes for my parents, and if we tighten our belts, we'll have sufficient equity for the loan.

Mary: See? Happy Hearth Home Bakeries, just like always.
Sheldon: Well, something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
Mary: What?
Sheldon: That's Shakespeare, Mom.
Mary: Great.

Mary: Everybody excited to start school Monday?
Sheldon: I am.
Missy: I guess so.
Mary: Georgie? Freshman year, that's a big deal.
Georgie: How can I be excited when he's gonna be in the same grade as me?
Sheldon: Don't worry, Georgie. I'm not planning on being in the ninth grade for very long.

Mary: [on the phone] I have to come home.
George: Well, Sheldon's not gonna be real happy about that.
Mary: George, when is he ever happy?
[cut to Sheldon biting into a pretzel he just bought from a stall:]
Sheldon: This is the greatest pretzel I've ever had. Ich bin ein Heidelberger! [crowd cheer]

Sheldon: I was exploring dimensional kinematics.
Georgie: Admit it. He's adopted.
Sheldon: How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister? Think, monkey, think.

Sheldon: I smell ammonia. They must've done a thorough cleaning recently. I like that.

Tam: Is that any good?
Sheldon: I'm afraid not. I failed to make a single friend.
Tam: That sucks. I have a tough time making friends, too.
Sheldon: The worst part is, it was important to my mom.
Tam: My parents pressure me about making friends all the time.
Sheldon: So you understand what I'm going through.

Sheldon: I want to understand God. Can you help me?
One: Did you not hear what we just said?
Zero: It's a binary universe.
One: God is yes and no.
Zero: Left and right.
One: On and off.
Zero: Something and nothing.
One: Positive and negative.
Zero: Male and female.
One: Light and dark.
Sheldon: But why is there evil and suffering?
Zero: Well, without evil and suffering, there is no good and happiness.
Sheldon: Oh, sure. Binary.