George Jr.: I thought Paige was your friend.
Sheldon: She's more of a colleague.
George Jr.: Oh.
Sheldon: Although for reasons unknown, she's currently behaving like a ten-year-old.
Mary: Maybe that's because she is a ten-year-old.
Sheldon: Still no excuse.

George Sr.: What, the girls leave you out of their little picnic?
Mary: Oh, they invited him.
George Sr.: Well, then why ain't you out there?
Sheldon: Eat outdoors? Do I look like a hippie to you?

Sheldon: For your information, not only am I going to show you up today, I've also prepared some biblical trash talk.
Paige: What is he talking about?
Missy: He stayed up all night studying.
Paige: Why?
Sheldon: To beat you at Bible trivia. Just like the prophets of mercy beat the priestly cult and its emphasis on ritual purity.
Paige: Was that the trash talk?
Sheldon: [scoffs] Was Zacchaeus a tax collector? Was Nicodemus a Pharisee?
Missy: Just hit him.

Missy: Hey, Mom, can Paige sleep over this weekend?
Mary: I guess, if her mother says okay.
Sheldon: Wait, where is she going to sleep?
Missy: In your bed. You can sleep on the couch.
Sheldon: Absolutely not. I've already changed my brand of loafers, I am not changing my sleeping quarters.

Missy: Did you guys know Paige speaks three languages?
Meemaw: Really? That's impressive.
Missy: You only speak one.
Sheldon: Two. I'm learning conversational Klingon.

Sheldon: Should I go left or right?
Meemaw: Why don't you try going in that cave?
Sheldon: Why would I do that? It's probably dangerous.
Meemaw: Sheldon, they wouldn't have put the cave there if they didn't want you to go in it.
Sheldon: Seems unnecessarily reckless, but okay. "Dark and dangerous." I told you.
Meemaw: Just keep going.
Sheldon: The box was right, my heart is pounding.

Sheldon: Stay back!
Meemaw: Calm down. We're taking her home.
Missy: To be murdered.
Sheldon: Okay, have fun.

Sheldon: You should probably settle on a specific date because when I want to go to RadioShack and my dad says, "Maybe another time," we never end up going.
Meemaw: Thank you so much, Sheldon. I think we got this.

Meemaw: Awful quiet back there.
Sheldon: I'm having an emotion I'm unfamiliar with.
Meemaw: Hmm. Think it might have something to do with your new classmate?
Sheldon: It's possible. She's the only variable in the social equation.
Meemaw: So what are you feeling?
Sheldon: My face is hot, I've a knot in my stomach, and I'm resisting the urge to kick your seat right now.
Meemaw: I'm thinking it might be jealousy.
Sheldon: No, that's not in my nature.
Meemaw: All right, let's go through all the emotions. I'm looking at your face, so I'm gonna rule out happy. Are you sad?
Sheldon: No, there's too much anger in there.
Meemaw: Oh, well, maybe you're angry.
Sheldon: No, there's too much sad in there.

Sheldon: (to George Sr.) Why would you think you knew his mom?

Sheldon: Missy said that Meemaw is upset at Dr. Sturgis.
Mary: Don't worry, she'll get over it.
Sheldon: The question is will she get over it by Friday at 4:00 p.m.? That's when we leave for my class.
Mary: I don't know, Shelly.
Sheldon: I suppose she could drop me off outside. Where are we on me walking through parking lots alone these days?
Mary: How about this? Um, until she's up to it, I'll take you.
Sheldon: Thanks. The parking lot still gives me the willies.

George Sr.: Who the hell is this?
Sheldon: This is Nathan. He's been to four Comic-Cons.

Sheldon: I also found us extra life points inside a demon.
Mary: There are demons in this game?
Sheldon: Don't worry, Meemaw cut his head off.

Meemaw: Why don't you let the old person give it a shot?
Sheldon: Would you like me to give you a tutorial first?
Meemaw: Give it to me. I'll figure it out.
Sheldon: We are such different people, Meemaw.

Missy: How about a movie?
Sheldon: How about the planetarium? That's like a movie, where you can see real stars instead of, I don't know, Gene Kelly?
Missy: We're never gonna agree. Let's just do rock, paper, scissors.
Sheldon: No. Anecdotal evidence suggests that players familiar with each other will tie 75% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes.
Missy: Well, what if we added a few more choices? Like, rock, paper, scissors, candy, pony.
Sheldon: Now you're just being silly.

Dr. Linkletter: [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Can I be your lab assistant?
Dr. Linkletter: What time is it?
Sheldon: That's not a no.
Dr. Linkletter: If I say yes, will you please stop hounding me?
Sheldon: Absolutely.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine. You win. Good night.
Sheldon: Just out of scientific curiosity, were you persuaded by the disorienting nature of this late-night phone call or by the cumulative weight of my relentlessness?
Dr. Linkletter: That one. [hangs up]
Adult Sheldon: I learned an important lesson that night. When you want something, relentlessly annoying is your road to victory.

Mary: So how's it going?
Sheldon: Well, the principles in the book didn't work for me at all. Although Dad does like being called George over and over again, so you might give that a try.

Sheldon: Mom, what do you know about the drug Prozac?
Mary: Not much. Supposed to make people happier. Why?
Sheldon: I was just thinking some of my teachers might benefit from it.

Missy: 95, 96, 97. 99, 100.
Sheldon: You missed 11 numbers.
Missy: I don't need to be good at math. I have beautiful hair.
Sheldon: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Mary: Sweet dreams. Love you.
Sheldon: Love you, too, 'cause you're my mom. [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]