Adult Sheldon: Nihilists believe that there's no point to anything, because it all ends in nothingness.
Missy: Mind if I put on MTV?
Sheldon: Doesn't matter. We're all gonna die anyway.
Missy: Deep thought, dingus.

Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, I don't know if you thought this through, but you're here on a physics scholarship, and switching to philosophy may not be well-received.
Sheldon: Ordinarily, I'd be concerned, but I'm currently embracing hedonism. [eats a candy from Linkletter's jar]
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, I've been made responsible for you, and so far, it's not going very well. You were admitted to this university for your scientific acumen. And changing majors could have serious repercussions. [Sheldon blows bubbles] Son, please try to understand. If you abandon physics for philosophy, [Sheldon blows a big bubble] [fades out] You're gonna be missing out on the opportunity to be part of something great. Possibly...
Adult Sheldon: As Dr. Linkletter prattled on, I couldn't help but notice the beauty of that ephemeral bubble. I wondered if perhaps we're all just bubbles, being buffeted through life on a stream of currents beyond our understanding. Look at it. The local minimization achieves a global maximization, and it's nearly perfect. I wondered if this was the key to the smoothness of matter in the universe. The cosmic web of stars and galaxies could hold it together like the web of polymers in soap! This could be a whole new area of research.
Dr. Linkletter: Changing majors would be a huge mistake, but if this is what you really want, here you go. Sheldon?
Sheldon: What?
Dr. Linkletter: Here you go. Good luck with philosophy.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm back on science now. I have work to do. [exits]

George: Come on, Sheldon, think of it as a free dinner.
Sheldon: I'm a kid. All my dinners are free.

Sheldon: And then he said he wouldn't give me special treatment.
Meemaw: I think what he said is everybody should be treated equally.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, is this Russia? Should we get in line for bread?

Dr. Willard: The Moho lies between the mantle and the crust, and...
Sheldon: Excuse me, I'm looking for Dr. Linkletter.
Dr. Willard: He's not here.
Sheldon: Sorry for wasting your time. Oh, this is geology. You're already wasting your time.

[title: Sci-Fi Club:]
Sheldon: So, what kind of activities does the Science Fiction Club engage in?
Greg: Well, this Friday we're having a screening of Star Wars on laser disc.
Sheldon: I thought this was the Science Fiction Club.
Greg: It is.
Sheldon: Star Wars is science fantasy. The Force is basically magic. At that point, you might as well be watching The Hobbit.
Greg: That's next week.
Sheldon: This is madness.

Sheldon: I'm hurt Dr. Linkletter doesn't want me as a friend.
Mary: Understandable.
Sheldon: I'm also angry. I don't like having two feelings at once. It's annoying. Great, annoyed. That's three.

Dr. Linkletter: So, the problem that I'm running into is I can't get the inner sphere to remain suspended in the buffer liquid.
Sheldon: Have you tried wrapping the sphere in copper wire?
Dr. Linkletter: I did, but it just slips out.
Sheldon: Perhaps we could suspend it in some sort of sleeve.
Dr. Linkletter: That would prevent light from getting through.
Sheldon: Hmm. [strokes chin] I wonder if my thinking would be more effective if I had a beard to stroke. It's one of the few aspects of puberty I'm looking forward to.

Adult Sheldon: My mother eventually coaxed me back into a car with a trip to RadioShack. She knew I was nervous so she came up with an interesting distraction.
Mary: Baby, how about we play a car game?
Sheldon: I suppose. Can I make it science-based?
Mary: Sure.
Sheldon: I'll say an element starting with "A," then you repeat that and add one starting with "B."
Mary: I don't think I'll get very far.
Sheldon: Great. Then I'll win. Aluminum.
Mary: Okay, uh, you said "A" for aluminum. "B." Is boron an element?
Sheldon: Yes.
Adult Sheldon: It was the beginning of a new tradition. One that would eventually bring countless hours of joy to Leonard on our drives to work. Much like my mother, he never beat me.
Mary: I don't know an element that starts with "D."
Sheldon: I win. That was fun. Round two. Argon.

President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, Dr. Sturgis quit right before the semester started. He left me in the lurch.
Sheldon: And this is your chance to be the bigger person.
President Hagemeyer: I don't want to be the bigger person. I'll be the small, petty person. That's way more fun.
Sheldon: Please? It would make me really happy if he came back. And you said yourself my happiness is important to the university.
President Hagemeyer: Are you trying to manipulate me?
Sheldon: Hey, being small and petty is fun.

Sheldon: I'm having a moral quandary, and I could really use your help.
Meemaw: Oh, moral quandaries. I hate those. Shoot.
Sheldon: You're the least moral person I know... How do you live with yourself?
Meemaw: I'm about to shut this door in your face.
Sheldon: See? Other people would be kind to a child in need. That's why I came to you.
Meemaw: Okay, fine. What do you want?
Sheldon: I'm confused as to how to go about my business after misbehaving and not being punished.
Meemaw: And where do I come in?
Sheldon: You tell lies, you gamble, you have quite the potty mouth, and yet you never seem to pay a price for any of it.
Meemaw: Well, when you're cute like me, rules are just a little different.
Sheldon: Hmm. That would also explain the endless parade of romantic partners. [Meemaw slams the door] Are you leaving because you have a man in there?
Meemaw: No!
Sheldon: Hmm. Although she would lie about it, so who knows?

Missy: I don't know. It seems a little scary to just stop believing.
Sheldon: Well, is it more comforting to believe in a God who could flood the world and kill everyone because he had a bad day?
Missy: That's a good point. But doesn't it upset people when you say you don't believe?
Sheldon: [chuckles] Oh, yeah.
Missy: And that doesn't bother you?
Sheldon: Does it bother you when you upset people?
Missy: I couldn't care less.
Sheldon: Welcome to atheism. Now, if you were an orc, would you like this flag?

Sheldon: Well, I told him religion isn't objective and there's no proof for it.
Mary: Oh, I bet he didn't like that.
Sheldon: He loved it. He quoted Kierkegaard and said if you could prove it, there'd be no room for faith.
Mary: Oh. Well, good for him.
Sheldon: He also likes homework.

Missy: How come Sheldon doesn't help with the dishes?
Sheldon: When you do their taxes, I'll do the dishes.
Mary: If you don't like washing dishes, that is a good reason to stay in school and get your diploma.
Sheldon: You have a high school diploma, and you wash dishes every day.
Mary: Thank you. Helpful.

Missy: I know what you're doing.
Sheldon: Yes, I'm being thorough about these things so we don't fight about them down the line.
Missy: What you're doing is dragging this out because you don't want me to leave.
Sheldon: No, I'm not.
Missy: Yes, you are.
Sheldon: Do you know the phrase "pish posh"?
Missy: No, and I don't want to.
Sheldon: It's British, and it's used when someone's opinions are absurd. And you're forcing me to use it. Pish posh! Or, more authentically, [English accent] pish posh!
Missy: I'm done. I know what's mine, and I'm taking it.
Adult Sheldon: One day she said the same thing to her first husband. I like to think I prepared her for that moment.