Meemaw: What's on your mind?
Missy: Sheldon always gets everything he wants.
Meemaw: I guess he does. That's not fair, huh?
Missy: No!
Meemaw: On the other hand, he's just going to some science lecture.
Missy: I know, but he gets to go on a plane to California.
Meemaw: Planes aren't all that great. You can't even smoke on 'em anymore.

Georgie: Can I ask you a personal question?
Meemaw: You're not in my will.

Meemaw: What's up?
Missy: Can I talk to you about serious woman stuff?
Meemaw: Of course. Is this a... iced tea conversation or a hot tea conversation?
Missy: Definitely hot.
Meemaw: Uh-oh.

Meemaw: Alls I'm saying is people aren't always in the mood.
Sheldon: Well, they should be. I'm happy to learn any fact at any time.
Meemaw: Is that so?
Sheldon: Yes.
Meemaw: Grab my knitting bag.
Sheldon: I don't recommend driving while knitting. Your reflexes aren't what they used to be.
Meemaw: Just look in the bag! Did you know that there are three different kinds of yarn?
Sheldon: I didn't.
Meemaw: You got your animal, like wool. Your plant, like cotton. And your synthetic, like acrylic.
Sheldon: Interesting.
Meemaw: You think so? I'm glad to hear that. Because each one of them has plusses and minuses, and you're about to hear them all in mind-numbing detail.

Mary: Did you have a tough time when your kids started being independent?
Meemaw: I'll let you know.
Mary: What does that mean?
Meemaw: Means one of 'em is still sitting in my kitchen whining about something.
Mary: Could you be supportive for once?
Meemaw: Yes, watching your kids grow up is hard.
Mary: So how do you handle it?
Meemaw: I find a little bourbon in my coffee does the trick.

Dale: Now, what do you think young people talk about on their dates?
Meemaw: I don't know. But my knee's telling me it's gonna rain this weekend.

Dr. Linkletter: Perhaps we could create some sort of a cocoon to suspend it.
Sheldon: Out of wire?
Dr. Linkletter: Or nylon. But I wouldn't know how to weave it around a sphere.
Meemaw: I'm not a genius, but it sounds to me like what y'all are talking about is, uh, crochet.
Dr. Linkletter: I suppose we are.
Meemaw: Because with crochet, you can make all kinds of shapes.
Dr. Linkletter: Intriguing.
Meemaw: Hell, I even crocheted a cover for Jolene.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm sorry?
Meemaw: That's my bowling ball.
Sheldon: She likes to name inanimate objects... it's odd.
Dr. Linkletter: Or whimsically charming.

Dale: Well, you're not a fan of doctors, huh?
Meemaw: They never have good news. They just want to find something wrong.
Dale: It's kind of their job.
Meemaw: If something's wrong with me, I don't want to know about it.
Dale: That's dumb.
Meemaw: No, it's not. If I'm gonna drop dead, I'd rather do it quick and leave lookin' good.

Meemaw: How much did Dale pay you?
Georgie: Uh, minimum wage plus five percent commission.
Meemaw: I'll give you half of that.
Georgie: So, two and a half percent commission?
Meemaw: No, half of the minimum wage part.
Georgie: What about a percentage of these?
Meemaw: [laughs] Yeah, right.
Georgie: I'm serious. If it wasn't for me, none of this would be happening.
Meemaw: I'm your grandmother. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be happening.

Mary: You are unbelievable. It is bad enough for you to do all this stuff, but then to drag Georgie down into your den of sin.
Meemaw: Oh, please, it's not a den of sin. Although that is a great name. Den of Sin. That would get some butts in seats. [Mary exclaims]

George: [answers phone] Hello.
Meemaw: Hey.
George: Oh. [sighs] Hi, Connie.
Meemaw: Is your power out?
George: No. Yours?
Meemaw: Well, I just like asking everybody that question. Of course it's out.
George: Don't yell at me.
Meemaw: I'm not yelling at you. It's just such a stupid question. Maybe it's just my side of the street.

Missy: You're good at Band-Aids.
Meemaw: I've had practice on Sheldon. He's a fragile boy.

Missy: I don't want to go back to school tomorrow.
Meemaw: You have to! You can't let them win. But wear pants. This is hard to look at.
Missy: I heard women in Europe don't shave. Maybe I should move there.
Meemaw: They also drink warm beer. They don't know what they're doing.
Missy: Will you show me how to do it the right way?
Meemaw: Shave? Yeah. Drink? Your dad's the expert.
Missy: Boys have it so easy. They can be as hairy as they want.
Meemaw: Yeah, but they gotta walk around being dumb and smelly all the time. Who wants that?
Missy: So I have to shave forever, then marry someone who's dumb and smelly?
Meemaw: Not necessarily, but... there's a good chance.
Missy: That's depressing.
Meemaw: That's where the drinking comes in.

Meemaw: Ooh, I love this song. [Meemaw sings along to "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash] ♫ Bound by wild desires ♫ ♫ fell into a ring of fire ♫
Georgie: My life's falling apart and you're singing?
Meemaw: ♫ I fell into a burning ring of fire ♫ ♫ I went down, down, down ♫ ♫ And the flames went higher ♫ ♫ And it burns, burns, burns ♫ ♫ That ring of fire ♫ [talks] Where?
Georgie: The ring of fire
Meemaw: [vocalizes] [mimes playing a trumpet]

Meemaw: How ya holding up?
Georgie: Not so good. Kid ain't even born yet and I'm already a terrible father.
Meemaw: You're not terrible. A terrible father would've walked away.
Georgie: Thank you. Was my dad real pissed off?
Meemaw: No. He was positively giddy about having to drive eight hours down to the border to bail your ass out.
Georgie: Your ass, too.
Meemaw: Yeah, but I like it when he's pissed at me.