Meemaw: Anyway, the point is, you don't can't go throwing gasoline on the fire.
Mary: Well, they started this fire, and now, they're gonna get burned.
Meemaw: I believe you've had enough coffee.

Dale: You okay with Mexican?
Meemaw: Oh, yeah. Terrific.
Dale: All right. Now, I got Tums in the glovebox for the ride home.
Meemaw: Great.

Mary: You're coming with us, right?
Meemaw: No, I'm not.
Mary: Come on, it'll be fun.
George Sr.: The old lady wants to be cranky and alone. You got to respect that.
Meemaw: I'm not cranky. And I'm sick of everybody thinking that they know what's best for me.

Mary: Guess who is getting a divorce.
Meemaw: About time. Congrats.

Meemaw: Fire it in there, baby.
Missy: I'm scared.
Meemaw: Meemaw has just made a scene. Now is not the time to be scared!
Dale: Are we gonna do this today?
Meemaw: Keep your pants on! [to Missy] Throw the damn ball. I'm just a girl, but I think that's called a strike.
Dale: Not bad.

George Jr.: I knew it.
Meemaw: What are you doing here?
George Jr.: What are you doing here?
Mandy: I asked her to be here.
George Jr.: So, her and not me?
Mandy: Yeah.
Meemaw: [to a couple] Don't make me come over there.

George Jr.: Wade's coming with me to Mexico.
Meemaw: Why?
George Jr.: It's a long drive. And he knows a little Spanish.
Wade: Sí.
Meemaw: Okay.
Meemaw: [Spanish: "Where will you buy cigarettes?"]
Wade: ¿Sí?
Meemaw: [whispers] You're gonna get yourself killed.
George Jr.: I got no choice. I got a kid coming.
Meemaw: If you're hell-bent on going to Mexico, I'm going with you.
Wade: Shotgun.
Meemaw: You are not coming, Wade. ¿Comprende?
Wade: Sí.

Mary: And you thought this was okay to go on in my house?
Meemaw: It was that or my house, so here we are.

Meemaw: Her daughter got kicked by a horse. They had to pin a couple of bones together.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, my.
Meemaw: She won't be stealing any more horses for a little while.

June: [answers phone] Hello.
Meemaw: Hey, June. Connie. Just wanted to see if you need anything.
June: Nah, I'm good, but thank you, though.
Meemaw: You sure? Groceries? Dishes? Help in the shower?
June: Damn it, Dale.

Meemaw: You still dating that young guy?
June: Justin? Oh, yeah. It wasn't just to bug Dale. He's hot. And he doesn't eat dinner at 5:00.
Meemaw: Dale and I once ate dinner at 3:30. I still think it was lunch. [June laughs]

Sheldon: Meemaw, you smell like chlorine.
Meemaw: Why say it?

George Jr.: It's just, I've been seeing Jana for a while now, and I like her fine... but it feels like she's getting more serious than I want to be.
Meemaw: Georgie, until you're married, you are not tied down to anybody. You just go ahead and do whatever you want. Play the field. Have some fun.
George Jr.: Interesting. That's what Dale said, too.
Meemaw: Oh, did he?
George Jr.: Yeah.
Meemaw: My boyfriend?
George Jr.: [chuckles] Yeah.

George Sr.: Do I have to?
Meemaw: You want to add grandkids to this mess?
George Sr.: God, no.

Meemaw: What kind of contribution are we talking?
Jake: [inhales] Well, that's up to you. Oh, I understand that somewhere between 9 and 11% is popular.
Meemaw: Ten percent?
Jake: [chuckles] If you insist.
Meemaw: How about three?
Jake: Three what? Three counts of illegal gambling? Three years in jail?
[cut to:]
Meemaw: I'm paying you in quarters.

Meemaw: Hey, Moon Pie. Is everything okay?
Sheldon: No, everything is terrible.
Meemaw: Oh. That sounds like a job for cookies.

Mary: Maybe it's me. Maybe I did something to upset him.
Meemaw: What are you talking about? He loves you like crazy. Much more than he loves this one.
George Sr.: It's true.

George Sr.: No more coffee?
Meemaw: Last cup.
George Sr.: Well, you mind making more?
Meemaw: I just sat down.
George Sr.: But you finished the pot.
Meemaw: George, if I wanted to make a cup of coffee, I'd have stayed at my house. Mmm.
George Sr.: One day I'm gonna put you in a home, and I'm gonna smile just like that.
Meemaw: That's fine. By then I won't know who you are anyway.

Mary: Oh, Mom, Pastor Jeff is gonna be spending the night. If the kids could sleep at your place?
Meemaw: No. Bye.

Meemaw: Relationships are a waste of time. Flying solo is the only way to go.
George Jr.: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: Do you think Tarzan was happy with Jane? No way. He was happy swinging through the trees.
George Jr.: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: The Statue of Liberty she's got her book and her torch, and she's good.
George Jr.: Uh-huh.