Meemaw: Let me lay here for just a minute.
Mandy: Can I get you some ice or something?
Meemaw: No, no, no. You've got to stay in bed. [exhales]
Mandy: Okay. Well, you look like the "I've fallen and I can't get up" lady.
Meemaw: That's because I have fallen and I can't get up. [laughs] Okay, it hurts when I laugh. [laughing]

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Georgie: Hey, now that you're treating him like an adult, can I have his allowance?
George: That allowance is for chores, which you already don't do.
Georgie: Come on. We all know I'm your favorite.
Meemaw: You're not even his third favorite.

Meemaw: I know this is hard for everyone. It's certainly hard for me. But no one... is more upset with George's passing than the Lone Star Beer company. That flag is at half-mast. [laughter] On the other hand, there's a lot of cows out there that are breathing a sigh of relief. As the king of brisket has put down his fork and ridden off into the sunset. [laughter] And, uh, I'll tell you something...
Missy: Why are they laughing at Dad?
Georgie: 'Cause they love him.
Meemaw: ...that I always kind of kept to myself, but... I wasn't always a big supporter of George and Mary being an item. As a matter of fact, whenever he came to visit, I would always invite Mary's slutty friend Janice over, hoping to catch his interest. [laughter] Hey, Janice. Thanks for coming. You're a doll. [Dale looks back] Anyway... George only had eyes for Mary. And of course brisket. [laughter] And over the years, he surely earned my respect. He was a good man. [voice breaking] And I will always be proud... to call him my son.

President Hagemeyer: Oh, you want to play hardball? We can do that, too. You see, Sheldon gets a lot of perks at this university that could go away real fast.
Sheldon: But I like my perks.
President Hagemeyer: How would you like to have a roommate or two in that dorm room of yours?
Sheldon: Let's give her what she wants.
Dr. John Sturgis: Stay strong.

Mary: [sighs] Well, I can take off work and look after y'all.
Meemaw: We're fine.
Mary: Fine? You're on the floor. What happens if you need to use the bathroom?
Meemaw: Depends.
Mary: Depends on what?
Meemaw: [chuckles] No, it's a joke.
Mandy: [laughs] I got it. [both laughing]
Mary: What's the joke? Tell me.

Georgie: Oh, that there's a real good one. You should get it. I'll ring it up.
Robert: I don't know.
Georgie: Don't know? Whoopi Goldberg as a singing nun? What's there to think about?
Robert: I might be more in the mood for action.
Georgie: She's on the run from the mob. You'll love it. I'll ring it up.