Meemaw: You looking for a new church?
Mary: Not yet.
Meemaw: 'Cause I can see you going Catholic. You got a "get thee to a nunnery" vibe.

Georgie: Hey, now that you're treating him like an adult, can I have his allowance?
George: That allowance is for chores, which you already don't do.
Georgie: Come on. We all know I'm your favorite.
Meemaw: You're not even his third favorite.

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Sheldon: Do people know about this?
Meemaw: Sheldon, what's on a person's face is not always what's in their heart.
Sheldon: Well, this changes everything. How do you know who to trust?
Meemaw: You don't. That's what makes life interesting.

Sheldon: Good morning, everyone. Niblingo.
Mandy: I'm sorry, what?
Sheldon: It's an honorific I came up with to describe a woman who's carrying my future niece or nephew but is not related to me by law.
Missy: You remember Sheldon.
Mandy: I do.
Missy: [nods] Yeah.

Sheldon: I started working on this presentation to address specific ethical dilemmas. The laws of robotics, whether torture can be justified, and cloning people for fun and spare parts. But I realized before resolving any of these moral quandaries, the real decision is who gets to decide. Do we put it up for a vote? Does everyone get to decide for themselves? Should it be by committee? Is that committee elected or appointed? You see where I'm going? You probably don't. For the smartest decision, we need the smartest person. Ladies and gentlemen, in the field of scientific ethics, we can't rely on democracy or plutocracy. We need an autocracy, or to be more precise, a "Sheldocracy." [slams fist] [military march plays]
Dr. John Sturgis: Um, I don't think this was the assignment.
Sheldon: Sorry, Dr. Sturgis, I pick the assignments now. Everybody, for next class, I want 500 words on what you can do to further the Sheldocracy. Punishment for typos will be severe.
Dr. John Sturgis: Class dismissed.
Sheldon: Hey, that's my line.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it isn't.
Sheldon: Why don't you see me after class. Class dismissed.

Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. I don't think I can do the assignment.
Dr. John Sturgis: Why not? Just pick either side of any ethical argument and present it.
Sheldon: But how do I know which argument to present?
Dr. John Sturgis: Any one you want.
Sheldon: And how do I know which side to take?
Dr. John Sturgis: Any side you want.
Sheldon: But I want to take the right side.
Dr. John Sturgis: Maybe there is no right side.
Sheldon: [groans] This is torture, and that can't be ethical.
Dr. John Sturgis: There you go! You picked a subject. And a side.
Sheldon: Oh. Good. Torture is unethical. That's clearly the correct position.
Dr. John Sturgis: I agree. But what if there's a bomb hidden underneath the city and someone says that the only way to find out its location is through torture? Answer that.
Sheldon: Let's see. Batman plays by Gotham City rules and would use torture, but Superman's got those Midwest values. I hate ethics!