Meemaw: [enters] I need you to do me a favor.
Mary: Hello to you, too.
Meemaw: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look. I need you to sign some forms for me, no questions asked.
Mary: What am I signing?
Meemaw: We agreed no questions asked.
Sheldon: Given her criminal past, I'd advise caution.
Meemaw: Moon Pie, I love you, but shut it.

Meemaw: Six hours. All day long for six lousy hours.
Mary: I gave you six, you worked four.
Meemaw: Felt longer.
Mary: Most people work eight.
Meemaw: Most people get paid.
Mary: Most people don't commit crimes.
Meemaw: Sure they do. They just don't get caught.

Meemaw: What is going on?
Mary: Well-
Meemaw: Well, what?
Mary: I'm trying to say it.
Meemaw: You woke me up. Spill it or I'm going back to bed.
Mary: I'm pregnant.
Meemaw: I'm awake now.

Meemaw: Are you sure?
Mary: Yes. I'm late.
Meemaw: How late?
Mary: Two days.
Meemaw: Oh, two days. That's nothing.
Mary: Last time I was two days late, I had the twins.
Meemaw: Last time I was two days late, I had menopause. [chuckles] Just trying to lighten the mood.

Meemaw: I tell you what, after practice today, you and me will do somethin' fun.
Missy: Can I have my first cigarette?
Meemaw: No!
Missy: Can I get my ears pierced?
Meemaw: Your mom won't like that. So, maybe.

Pastor Jeff: Let's give him a hand, everybody.
Missy: What's happening?
Meemaw: Shelly's gonna eat him alive. [chuckles]

Meemaw: Don't worry! Meemaw's here! Everything's under control! Oh.
Sheldon: We haven't had dinner yet.
Meemaw: Really? (groans) I don't feel like cookin'.

Sheldon: What did you mean by "insurance purposes"?
Meemaw: Just eat.

Meemaw: [reading Sheldon's note explaining George Jr. took her car and was driving them to the hospital] Son of a bitch. I hate those kids!

Mary: Why are they here?
Meemaw: I think it's obvious. They love their daddy.
Mary: No, I get that. Why aren't they home in bed?
Meemaw: Well, nobody could sleep. I thought it was the right thing.

Mary: I'm real glad you've been getting out again.
Meemaw: Me, too. We had a nice dinner, took a walk. He's a divorcee, you know.
Mary: I didn't.
Meemaw: It's not a big deal for those people. If they're not a lawyer, they're related to one.

Meemaw: Y'all want to go get some ice cream?
Georgie: What about dinner?
Meemaw: What about it? Come on.
Missy: Is ALF dead?
Meemaw: No, but it's just a matter of time.

Georgie: I guess I never thought about it that way before.
Meemaw: You kidding me? Right now, they would be nagging you about cleaning your room and doing your homework. Instead, you're sitting in a parking lot, eating a Blizzard for dinner.
Missy: With cookie dough in it.
Meemaw: Exactly. While Sheldon is stuck sitting in some boring shrink's office.
Georgie: Mom told me they were taking him for a haircut.
Meemaw: Oh, yeah, right. Well, when he gets home, say his hair looks good.

Meemaw: Can I ask you a favor?
Sheldon: Sure. What?
Meemaw: You know those statistics that you were talking about with your dad? Could could that be applied to, say, who might win the Cowboys-Packers game next week? And, more specifically, by how much?
Sheldon: I suppose with enough data I could make a reasonable guess.
Meemaw: I don't want a guess, I want to know.

Mary: We're real proud of you, honey.
Missy: Are you proud of me and Georgie?
Mary: Of course.
George: You bet.
Georgie: For what?
Meemaw: Don't go pokin' at it.