Meemaw: So I'm thinking dark red, like a speakeasy. And maybe a little bar in the corner.
Dale: Well, you're gonna need a liquor license.
Meemaw: Oh, right. 'Cause I don't want to break the law in my illegal gambling room.

Joann: Look how many rhinestones fell off in the dryer.
Meemaw: It says right here "do not tumble dry."
Joann: No label's gonna tell me what to do.
Meemaw: I am not in the mood for Texas right now. What do you want from me?
Joann: Well, what size is yours?
Meemaw: No!

Meemaw: This is not what I signed up for. I need to get some help in here.
Dale: Well, so, do it.
Meemaw: Great. I'm taking Georgie.
Dale: Georgie? No, he's my best employee.
Meemaw: He's my grandson.
Dale: Well, so what? Sheldon's the smart one. Take him.
Meemaw: Do you want to go out with somebody who's happy and fun or some cranky, old woman who smells like mop?
Dale: All right. All right. Take Georgie.
Meemaw: Thank you. I'm gonna go get myself fixed up.
Dale: I think you look beautiful just the way you are.
Meemaw: Go to hell.

Meemaw: You fancy yourself a bit of an entrepreneur, don't you?
George Jr.: I like to think so.
Meemaw: And now that you're not in school anymore, I bet you're wanting to take your career to the next level.
George Jr.: [scoffs] What kind of entrepreneur would I be if I didn't?
Meemaw: Well, this is your lucky day, because I have quite the opportunity. How would you like to manage a business all on your own?
George Jr.: That'd be amazing.
Meemaw: Be your own boss. Call the shots.
George Jr.: Hell, yeah. What is it?
Meemaw: Managing a laundromat.
George Jr.: No way.

Meemaw: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.
George Jr.: Why?
Meemaw: Because I don't run a carnival. Grown-up people don't-don't gamble to win a teddy bear.
George Jr.: You're not getting it.
Meemaw: I'm getting that it's dumb.
George Jr.: I'm trying to help you.
Meemaw: If you really wanted to help me, you would stick your head in there and start scraping.

George Jr.: How about this: no hourly wage, just a cut.
Meemaw: What kind of cut you thinking?
George Jr.: Five percent.
Meemaw: Three percent.
George Jr.: Five.
Meemaw: Three.
George Jr.: You're supposed to go in the middle and say four.
Meemaw: Why don't you say four?
George Jr.: Fine, four.
Meemaw: Two.
George Jr.: Come on.

Meemaw: Oh! Don't take all my money! I'm just a Texas grandma trying to make people happy. [laughs]

Meemaw: How we doing?
George Jr.: There's a problem with the cash box.
Meemaw: Oh, what's that?
George Jr.: I can't get it to close.
Meemaw: That is my kind of problem.

Mary: Are you running a gambling room in the back of the Laundromat?
Meemaw: What? No.
Mary: Peg says she was there last night.
Meemaw: Oh, "gambling room." Yeah.

Mary: What are you thinking? You know gambling is illegal.
Meemaw: Why do you care how people spend their money?
Mary: Gambling destroys lives.
Meemaw: That's what you say about booze. I think it's an excellent pairing. [drinks]

George Sr.: [answers phone] Hello.
Meemaw: Hey.
George Sr.: Oh. [sighs] Hi, Connie.
Meemaw: Is your power out?
George Sr.: No. Yours?
Meemaw: Well, I just like asking everybody that question. Of course it's out.
George Sr.: Don't yell at me.
Meemaw: I'm not yelling at you. It's just such a stupid question. Maybe it's just my side of the street.

George Sr.: [on the phone] Hey, I'm here by myself. Why don't you come by?
Meemaw: I'm good.
George Sr.: What, you'd rather sit in the dark than hang out with me?
Meemaw: I got candles. I'm gonna get some takeout. I'm good.
George Sr.: Ooh. Well, I could come over. We could...
Meemaw: No. Bye. [hangs up]

Meemaw: [to Mary] Sorry. No. [to Sheldon] And what do you want?
Sheldon: For you to go on a bus with me to a comic book convention in Texarkana.
Meemaw: [laughing] God, no.

Mary: [scoffs] Oh, look at these prices. I could make this dress for Missy.
Missy: [o.s.] Meemaw, make her stop.
Meemaw: Come on, Mary. You already got one kid that gets picked on.

Meemaw: I'll get it for her. I don't mind wasting my money.
Missy: [o.s.] Please?
Mary: Fine. But you are not wearing it to school, and you are not wearing it without tights.
Missy: [o.s.] Love you.
Meemaw: Hey, I'm the one paying for it.
Missy: [o.s.] Love you more.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Hear that?

Missy: I don't want to go back to school tomorrow.
Meemaw: You have to! You can't let them win. But wear pants. This is hard to look at.
Missy: I heard women in Europe don't shave. Maybe I should move there.
Meemaw: They also drink warm beer. They don't know what they're doing.
Missy: Will you show me how to do it the right way?
Meemaw: Shave? Yeah. Drink? Your dad's the expert.
Missy: Boys have it so easy. They can be as hairy as they want.
Meemaw: Yeah, but they gotta walk around being dumb and smelly all the time. Who wants that?
Missy: So I have to shave forever, then marry someone who's dumb and smelly?
Meemaw: Not necessarily, but... there's a good chance.
Missy: That's depressing.
Meemaw: That's where the drinking comes in.

George Jr.: Hey, y'all.
Meemaw: Well, speak of the devil.
George Jr.: What's going on, ladies?
Meemaw: Just getting to know Mandy here.
Mandy: Yeah, I was telling her about San Antonio.
George Jr.: Oh, she's from Texas. She knows all about that stuff. Anyways, I'll let you get back to work.
Meemaw: Well, I'll leave you two kids be. And listen to me, calling you young adults "kids." [chuckles] Like you were still teenagers or something.
Mandy: I wish. [chuckles]

Meemaw: Mandy seems nice.
George Jr.: She's all right.
Meemaw: Things getting serious?
George Jr.: I don't know. Why?
Meemaw: Just wondering when you were gonna tell her your real age.
George Jr.: Age ain't nothing but a number.
Meemaw: Yeah, well, her number's way bigger than your number.
George Jr.: You ain't never lied about your age?
Meemaw: I'm a lady. Different rules.
George Jr.: It's not a big deal. We're just having fun.
Meemaw: Yeah, well, before you have too much fun, you better tell her.
George Jr.: That sounds less fun.
Meemaw: Welcome to being an adult. It sucks.

Meemaw: You're the one who told me to go out and have fun with my money.
Dale: I meant something fun for us.
Meemaw: Why us? It's my money.
Dale: You made that perfectly clear.
Meemaw: It's just a car.
Dale: It's not just a car. I think you got scared.
Meemaw: Scared of what?
Dale: I was talking about our future, and you panicked.
Meemaw: I think I've got a successful business and my own money and you can't handle it.
Dale: Oh, really?
Meemaw: Yeah. Really.
Waitress: What can I get started for you?
Dale: Actually, I think we're leaving.
Meemaw: I'm not going anywhere.
Dale: I'll have the enchiladas.

Mary: [sighs] I appreciate you picking Missy up from school, but she does not need to hear about your love life.
Meemaw: She's got to learn sometime.
Mary: Learn what?
Meemaw: That men suck.
Mary: Not all men... do that.
Meemaw: Suck. Say it.
Mary: No.
Meemaw: I want Missy back.