Meemaw: So what am I making this thing out of?
Dr. Linkletter: We were using wire, but that might be difficult to crochet with.
Meemaw: Oh, please, I could crochet barbed wire with a chopstick if I had to.

Meemaw: Can I ask... why exactly are we looking for solar neutrinos?
Sheldon: Other experiments have only seen about half the neutrinos coming from the Sun.
Dr. Linkletter: And we'd like to figure out why.
Meemaw: And what happens if we do?
Dr. Linkletter: They will tell us what kind of nuclear reactions are going on there.
Meemaw: In the Sun?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes.
Meemaw: That's so far... how?
Sheldon: Neutrinos are made deep within the core of the Sun. They have to go over a hundred times the radius of Earth just to get out.
Meemaw: Mm, kind of like how you can drive all day and still be in Texas.
Dr. Linkletter: Exactly, then they have to travel another 93 million miles just to get here.
Meemaw: Huh.
Sheldon: Neutrinos are essentially direct messengers from the center of the Sun.
Dr. Linkletter: That's why we're building the prototype.
Meemaw: And I get to be a part of it?
Dr. Linkletter: You do.
Meemaw: Damn. Is there any money in it?
Dr. Linkletter: No.
Meemaw: Damn.

Adult Sheldon: That night, my meemaw was so inspired to be part of our science experiment, she began working on it as soon as she got home. She was in the zone. She was focused. She was determined. She was also 68 and had eaten a lot of pizza.
Meemaw: [snoring]
[dream sequence:]
Announcer: [v.o.] And the Nobel Prize for Science goes to Connie Tucker! [applause]
Meemaw: Oh, my goodness, y'all are so sweet. [chuckles] I want to thank my brilliant grandson Sheldon and his pal Dr. Linkletter, for bringing me in on the experiment. I'd like to thank my Aunt Linda for teaching me to crochet when I was knee-high to a June bug. [laughter] And everyone, for making me... "The Meemaw of Science." [cheering, applause]
Audience: [chanting] Meemaw! Meemaw! Meemaw!

Meemaw: Wow. Look at those beautiful neutrinos.
Sheldon: Those aren't neutrinos.
Meemaw: What are you talking about? That's what we're looking for.
Sheldon: That's just radioactivity.
Meemaw: Well, then, when do we find the neutrinos?
Dr. Linkletter: We don't. This is just the prototype.
Meemaw: You kidding me?
Sheldon: The actual device needed would be the size of a building.
Dr. Linkletter: And that's 20 to 30 years away.
Meemaw: Well, I could be dead by then.
Sheldon: You still may have helped advance science.
Dr. Linkletter: Unless another team beats us to it.
Sheldon: Yeah.
Meemaw: I'm gonna wait in the car.
Sheldon: If it helps, in 30 years, I should still be alive. [to Dr. Linkletter] Boy, you'd think she'd be happy about that.

George Sr.: Tow truck's on the way.
Mary: You sure we shouldn't call an ambulance?
Meemaw: I'm fine. Sheldon?
Sheldon: I feel fine.
George Sr.: What happened?
Meemaw: Oh, a cat ran in front of me.
George Sr.: You couldn't stop?
Meemaw: I tried, but the brake just gave out.
Mary: Well, thank goodness it wasn't worse.
Meemaw: I should have aimed for the cat.

George Sr.: Looks like your car's gonna be out of commission for a while.
Mary: If you need a ride, the church offers a shuttle service.
Meemaw: I'm not getting on that geezer bus.
Mary: It's just for people who can't get around.
Meemaw: That's 'cause they're so shriveled up, they can't even see over the steering wheel.
George Sr.: I've driven that van... it is grim.

Meemaw: [on the phone] I don't care what your guy says. Have him check it again. [hangs up] Sorry, I'm cranky.
Dale: No problem. I like when you yell at people who aren't me.
Meemaw: Stupid mechanic said the brakes are just fine.
Dale: Well, you probably stepped on the wrong pedal.
Meemaw: I didn't.
Dale: I'm just saying, it happens with people our age, you know.
Meemaw: I've been driving my whole life. I know which pedal is which.
Dale: Now you're yelling at me.
Meemaw: Sorry.

Meemaw: I just think it'd kill me to lose my independence like that.
Hortense: Oh, it's not so bad. Sometimes Clayton takes us to the park.
Vern: Like dogs.
Meemaw: I got places to go... Bowling league, water aerobics, I drive my grandson to college.
Hortense: Why can't he drive himself?
Meemaw: Well, he's 11.
Hortense: Wha...?
Vern: 11 and in college?
Meemaw: He's special.
Hortense: Our grandson is 27.
Vern: Mm, he may be the other kind of special.

Meemaw: How's that salad?
Dale: It sucks. How's your steak?
Meemaw: You know how they overcook it sometimes so it's a little bit dry?
Dale: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: Not this time. It's so good.
Dale: You know what else is good? This radish.
Meemaw: Would you like some steak?
Dale: Yes.
Meemaw: Then you probably should've ordered some. It's delicious.
Dale: You are not a very nice lady.
Meemaw: [softly] Mmm.

Dale: I want to live so long I start looking like a mummy.
Meemaw: [chuckles] You're off to a strong start.
Dale: Hey.

Meemaw: My husband went to the doctor. And they found something. Two days later, he was in surgery. Nine months later, he was dead.
Dale: Geez.
Meemaw: I don't want that. And I, I don't want to put anybody else through that.
Dale: I'm sorry.
Meemaw: Mm.
Dale: I hope you stick around long enough to start looking like a mummy, too.
Meemaw: [chuckles] I always pictured myself more the Bride of Frankenstein type.
Dale: Well, you got the hair for it.

Meemaw: Do you really think your supercollider could make a black hole?
Dr. John Sturgis: There is about a one-in-a-trillion chance it could.
Meemaw: Friendly advice... next time somebody asks you if your work could destroy the world, just say no.

Meemaw: I'm sorry she ruined your picture, but, you know, she's having a bad day.
Sheldon: Oh, please, she can find another boyfriend.
Meemaw: I know you're mad at her.
Sheldon: I hate her.
Meemaw: Hey, don't say that about family.
Sheldon: You say mean stuff about my dad.
Meemaw: That's different. He deserves it.

Meemaw: Listen here. She's your sister. She's always gonna be your sister, so you have to find a way to forgive her.
Sheldon: But she did this just to hurt me.
Meemaw: I know. But she's hurting, too.
Sheldon: What does that have to do with me?
Meemaw: You're the big brother.
Sheldon: I'm only two minutes older.
Meemaw: Which makes you the big brother, which means that it is your job to look out for her.
Sheldon: That doesn't make sense. Why should random birth order determine moral responsibility?
Meemaw: I don't make the rules, Moon Pie.
Sheldon: Doesn't seem like you make cookies either. What's taking so long?

Meemaw: Less monkey, more Clint. There we go.

George Sr.: What's up?
Meemaw: My smoke detector's beeping again. Have you got one of those little batteries?
George Sr.: I think so. Come on in.
Meemaw: Thank you. See, I'm three beeps away from breaking out my shotgun.
George Sr.: [chuckles] I don't even put batteries in ours anymore. Do not tell Sheldon.

Meemaw: The kid's a natural salesman. I mean, school's not gonna help with that.
Mary: So, you are fine with your grandson throwing his life away so that he can sell fishing rods and baseball bats?
Dale: Excuse me, those fishing rods provided a nice life for me and my family.
Mary: What family? You're divorced, and your kids don't talk to you.
Dale: [to Meemaw] Help me out here.
Meemaw: A diploma would not have made his life better.
Dale: Thank you. What she said.

George Sr.: Sorry I got riled up.
Dale: Don't worry about it.
Meemaw: Mary's over here all the time yellin' about something... it was a pleasant change of pace.

Dale: So, there's a secret back room at the Laundromat where you gamble?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Dale: And you never told me?
Meemaw: Well, this is how secrets work.
Dale: Uh-huh. What else aren't you telling me?
Meemaw: Let me explain secrets.

Dale: Uh, okay, just give me a sense of how illegal this is.
Meemaw: Who says it's illegal?
Dale: Well, why is it a secret?
Meemaw: Okay, it's illegal.