Mary: You know this all goes away if you just give him your recipe for the brisket.
Meemaw: I know.
Mary: And?
Meemaw: I guess it's not going away.

Mary: Isn't this exciting? It's just us girls, no boys in the house.
Meemaw: The place already smells better.

Missy: So what are we gonna do?
Mary: How would you like to go to the beauty salon and get all done up?
Missy: Can I have orange hair like Cyndi Lauper?
Mary: I don't think so.
Missy: Meemaw has friends with blue hair.
Meemaw: She's right. I haven't gone there yet, but after a certain age, it's mandatory.

George: If Georgie passes his test, I'll get you whatever you want. Under 20 bucks.
Sheldon: Deal.
George: Why?
Meemaw: I guess I like him better than you.

Meemaw: Is that your new train?
Sheldon: Yes. It's my reward for helping Georgie pass the math test.
Meemaw: You don't seem too happy about it.
Sheldon: I don't feel like I earned it.
Meemaw: Why not?
Sheldon: Can you keep a secret?
Meemaw: Well, at my age, the question is can I remember one. Try me.

Meemaw: Mary, he's gonna come home every Friday night.
Mary: I didn't think I'd have to deal with this till he went to college.
Meemaw: You should thank your lucky stars he's not in college now.

Mary: I'm still not sure that this is the right thing to do.
Meemaw: Are you worried that he won't like it or are you worried that he will?
Mary: You're not helping.
Meemaw: That's not my job. I think of myself as a speaker of truth.
Mary: If you're not gonna make me feel better, go away.
Meemaw: I'm sorry, you are stuck with me.

George: I'll see you in a bit.
Mary: Where are you off to?
George: I'm going to Dallas to get Sheldon.
Mary: Really?
George: Yeah, really.
Meemaw: What about this being a great opportunity for him?
Sheldon: Y'all want me to go or not?
Mary: Yes! Go!
Meemaw: Yes, and hurry up! Get a move on, Tubby.

Sheldon: No, I won't go. I don't believe in God.
Mary: Well, now, what you believe in is not the point.
Pastor Jeff: Mary, if I may Sheldon, I understand you hope to be a scientist someday.
Sheldon: Yes, sir.
Pastor Jeff: Well, let me ask you a question. You say you don't believe in God, but what kind of scientist comes to a conclusion without first doing the research?
Sheldon: A bad scientist.
Pastor Jeff: That's right. So I'll see you Sunday morning at 8:00.
Sheldon: No, you won't. I cast a second level spell of invisibility on myself.
Meemaw: Well, that game isn't making him any smarter.

Meemaw: I don't want to get in your business, but since you're getting in my bed, I'm getting in your business.
Mary: Go ahead.
Meemaw: When you leaving?

Mary: The minute he found out I had money set aside, he felt threatened. And you know why? 'Cause it meant that I can live independent of him.
Meemaw: Sleeping in your mommy's bed?
Mary: You know what I mean.
Meemaw: You gonna buy Sheldon that computer?
Mary: Well, now I have to.
Meemaw: Got it. You do know I still have an active love life.
Mary: Just go to sleep.
Meemaw: On this very bed.
Mary: Oh, Mom.

Meemaw: Just for your information, Sheldon is using the computer right now to try and fix your marriage.
Mary: Really? What did it say?
Meemaw: It said "Get out of your mother's house."
Mary: Mom.
Meemaw: I'm serious. I want a cigarette, and I'm tired of hiding behind the garage.

Mary: You think I should apologize to George?
Meemaw: Well, of course not. That would set a terrible precedent. I think you should go back over there to pick up some clothes for the kids and be all cold and distant, so he has to apologize to you.
Mary: Oh, that's not bad.
Meemaw: Do it.
Mary: I will.
Meemaw: Why you drinking tea? Get out.

George: I actually think it'd be good for him. He needs to learn he's not special.
Mary: But he is special.
George: You know what I mean. He can't just walk out of a classroom 'cause he feels like it.
Mary: He was worried about catching a cold. That is a legitimate concern. And now he's in danger of being mugged by a roomful of hoodlums.
George: He's not getting mugged. It's half a dozen kids doing homework while a teacher watches 'em.
Meemaw: Although it might not hurt to give Sheldon a few dollars to buy himself some protection.
George: That's actually not a bad idea.

Mary: How'd it go?
Sheldon: Great. I feel a lot better.
Meemaw: Well, that's just wonderful.
Mary: So, you're going back to science?
Sheldon: No. In fact, I'm going as far away from science as possible. I plan to pursue the arts.
Mary: What kind of arts?
Sheldon: I've decided to become an actor.
Meemaw: Of course you have.