Mary: You keep saying you're okay. Are you?
Meemaw: I'm better than okay.
Mary: Great. Glad to hear it.
Meemaw: You know what it's like? You see these peanuts? Two of them stuck together in the shell. Trapped. And then, you look here at this one, all on its own. Solo. Happy.
Mary: So, you're a solo peanut?
Meemaw: Mm, damn straight. As a matter of fact... [snaps peanut in half] Enjoy your freedom.
Mary: Well, if you're happy, I'm happy.
Meemaw: I am. Maybe not as happy as this threesome going on here. [holds up peanut]
Mary: Mom.

Meemaw: And by the way, you can tell your friend Dale that I want my stuff back.
George Sr.: I'm not getting in the middle of this.
Meemaw: 'Cause I left my purple bra over at his place.
Missy: I want a purple bra.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
Meemaw: And if I'm gonna start dating again, I'm gonna need that.
George Sr.: Somebody else needs to talk.
Sheldon: Did you know that Leonard Nimoy takes pictures of...
George Sr.: Georgie?

Meemaw: So... your little girlfriend Mandy came by today, and she is pissed.
George Jr.: This is what I get for telling her.
Meemaw: No, this is what you get for lying to her.
George Jr.: I don't need you yelling at me, too.
Meemaw: Well, she was yelling at me, so now I'm yelling at you.
George Jr.: Just because you're having men problems, please don't take it out on me.
Meemaw: ... All I'm saying is you really messed up.
George Jr.: I apologized. Why are we still talking about this?
Meemaw: Georgie, just think how you'd feel if someday somebody did that to your sister.

Sheldon: How are you holding up?
Meemaw: With what?
Sheldon: The death of Isaac Asimov.
Meemaw: Who?
Sheldon: Pop Pop's favorite science fiction writer, remember?
Meemaw: [chuckles] At this rate, you're lucky I remember Pop Pop.
Sheldon: Well, he gave me Asimov's Foundation trilogy for my fifth birthday.
Meemaw: I remember he used to try to get me to read that stuff. Boring!
Sheldon: Boring? Asimov invented the laws of robotics and the concept of a galactic empire.
Meemaw: If a book doesn't have a shirtless guy with long hair on the cover, I ain't reading it.
Sheldon: You're missing out.
Meemaw: I'm really not.

Adult Sheldon: I was envious of my meemaw. That night, she would get to experience one of my favorite stories for the very first time.
Meemaw: [v.o.] "If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore, and preserve for many generations, the remembrance of the city of God?" [outloud] What?!

Sheldon: All right, I would like to call the first meeting of the Isaac Asimov book club to order. I'm assuming everyone's read Nightfall?
[Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis both hold up their copies of the book]
Meemaw: I read it. [chuckles] I may have dozed off a few times, but I read it.

Dr. John Sturgis: I read it as well. I found it quite compelling. A planet that only experiences nightfall once every 2,000 years.
Dr. Linkletter: And once it does, it drives everyone mad. Brilliant.
Sheldon: I found the tension between the scientists and the religious cultists reminiscent of some dinnertime conversations at my house. [laughter]
Dr. John Sturgis: What did you think, Connie?
Meemaw: Eh...
Sheldon: You didn't like it?
Meemaw: I don't need a story set on some outer space planet to tell me that people freak out about change.
Dr. Linkletter: Interesting.
Meemaw: People lost it when women started wearing pants and getting jobs. Everybody just overreacts to everything.

Sheldon: I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.
Meemaw: Not exactly.
Sheldon: Why?
Meemaw: Why? After Frick and Frack found out I was single, they got all weird.
Sheldon: What do you mean? All they did was discuss Asimov.
Meemaw: Sure. Maybe I misread the situation.

Meemaw: You look like crap.
Mary: Thanks.
Meemaw: You go out drinking last night?
Mary: Of course not.
Meemaw: 'Cause when I look that bad, I been out drinkin'.

Mary: [sighs] Pastor Jeff is right next door. Maybe I should invite him to join us.
George Sr.: Why?
Mary: So we can bring God into the conversation.
Meemaw: God let her get pregnant. I think He's done enough.

Meemaw: So, Mandy, your people from around here?
Mandy: Uh, Oklahoma originally.
Meemaw: Well, we won't hold it against you. [laughs]

Mary: [answers phone] Hello?
Meemaw: Heads up. The twins were just here, and they were asking a bunch of questions.
Mary: You didn't tell them, did you?
Meemaw: No, but they know there's a baby in the mix. [chuckles] Actually, they thought you were having it.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
Meemaw: Yeah. Anyway, they're gonna be there any minute. Have fun. [hangs up] [Mary exhales]
George Sr.: [exhales] What now?
Sheldon: [door opens] [o.s.] We're home.
Missy: [o.s.] And we want answers.
Mary: That.

Meemaw: She ducking your calls?
George Jr.: Seems like it.
Meemaw: Well, you understand why she might not want to talk to you.
George Jr.: Yes, I know. I'm trying to make up for it.
Meemaw: This might be one of those things you just can't make up for.
George Jr.: Ain't fair.
Meemaw: You better do some growing up fast, 'cause "fair" left the building the second you yanked your pants down.
George Jr.: Thanks for making me feel worse.
Meemaw: Anytime.

Mandy: So, I told my folks about the baby.
Meemaw: And?
Mandy: They told me I'm on my own. They want nothing to do with me.
Meemaw: Sorry. Give it a minute, they still might come around.
Mandy: I didn't even get to the part where the father's 17 years old.
Meemaw: Something fun for next time.

Meemaw: When Mary told me she was pregnant, I reacted pretty much the same way that your folks did. Not my finest moment.
Mandy: Let me guess, they got married and suddenly you were okay with it.
Meemaw: Hell no. I didn't want my daughter to marry that fat dumbass. I shouldn't have said that. He got fat later.
Mandy: I'd laugh, but my mom gained 70 pounds when she had my little brother.

George Jr.: Where you going?
Meemaw: I got stuff to do.
George Jr.: Like what?
Meemaw: Just stuff.
George Jr.: Well, can you stop and get me something to eat?
Meemaw: No.
George Jr.: Why not?
Meemaw: 'Cause I got stuff to do.
George Jr.: Which you won't tell me.
Meemaw: 'Cause it's none of your damn business.
George Jr.: Is it illegal?
Meemaw: I'm not gonna play this game with you, Georgie.
George Jr.: Just give me the first letter.
Meemaw: Goodbye.

Meemaw: What the hell are you doing?
George Jr.: Making extra money.
Meemaw: Are you crazy? You're gonna get us all arrested.
George Jr.: You're paying off the cops, ain't you?
Meemaw: For gambling. You start selling liquor without a license, you're asking for trouble.
George Jr.: I'm having a baby. I need cash.
Meemaw: Well, think of something else.
George Jr.: Well, can I have a raise?
Meemaw: Are you selling that or drinking it?

George Jr.: Hey, if we can't sell beer, what about cigarettes? We could make money and keep people from leaving to go buy more.
Meemaw: That's not a bad idea.
George Jr.: I could go down to Walmart, buy some cartons. We could mark 'em up like crazy.
Meemaw: Mm-hmm. Reminds me of when I was young and we used to go down across the border and get 'em cheap in Mexico.
George Jr.: How cheap?
Meemaw: Well, between the taxes and the peso, practically nothing. [chuckles]
George Jr.: Let's do that.
Meemaw: I'm not driving to Mexico.
George Jr.: I don't need you. I'll go. Where do I go?
Meemaw: I'm not telling you.
George Jr.: Why?
Meemaw: 'Cause you're dumb in this country. God knows what you are anywhere else.
George Jr.: Fine. I'll just head south and see where it takes me.
Meemaw: I'm impressed you knew it was south.

Meemaw: Once we hit 281, it's a straight shot to the border.
George Jr.: It's all crazy.
Meemaw: What is?
George Jr.: A year ago I had nothing to worry about. I had no idea how good I had it.
Meemaw: [laughs] Well, what if a year from now it's a disaster, and this looks good?
George Jr.: That's not helping.
Meemaw: Oh, relax, someday you'll be my age, your kids'll be grown up, all be good again.
George Jr.: But that's, like, 50 years from now.
Meemaw: Yeah, I waited a long time for it. So quit your bitching.

Missy: [running through the kitchen] I ate so much candy!
Meemaw: [gets up to leave] Okay. They're all yours.