Sheldon: Mark my words, string theory is going to be the next big thing.
Mary: What does it do?
Sheldon: It explains the fundamental forces of the universe. How everything works, where everything came from.
Mary: I know where it all came from. [points to the heavens]
Sheldon: Mother, we're in the sky. Why are you pointing up?

Pilot: [v.o.] Sorry for the delay. We hope to be wheels up in about 20 minutes.
Sheldon: That's what he said 20 minutes ago.
Mary: Nothing we can do.
Sheldon: If we don't take off soon, we'll miss our connecting flight to Houston.
Mary: It's out of our hands. I'd tell you whose hands it's in, but you don't like that.

Mary: Are you ready for your surprise?
George: I sure am.
Mary: Okay. [German accent] Hello, you handsome American boy toy. I am Helga. Do you like what you see?
George: [German accent] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [both laugh]
[Sheldon unlocks the front door and walks into the house]
Sheldon: Hello?
Mary: [o.s.] Are you sure your wife won't come home?
George: [o.s.] [laughs] I'm sure.
[Sheldon knocks on his parents' bedroom door and then opens it]
George: [o.s.] Yeah, yeah. [Mary laughs] Oh, Helga.
Adult Sheldon: I never talked to my father about what I saw that day, but, from then on, I added extra knocks so people could get their pants on.

[After a bout of turbulence, Mary clasps her hands together in prayer]
Sheldon: Oh, there's no reason to do that. It's just irregular motion of air around the plane caused by temperature changes. [more turbulence] Oh, that was a big one. And given our altitude, perfectly predictable. [cabin alert chimes]
Flight Attendant: [v.o.] The pilot has turned on the seatbelt sign. Please return to your seat.
Sheldon: A reasonable precaution. [checks seatbelt] Snug as a bug. [more turbulence]
Mary: Would you like me to include you in my prayers?
Sheldon: No, thanks, I don't need to seek help from an invisible man.
Mary: You're right, you've got your invisible strings.

Sheldon: [baby crying] Babies. Why'd it have to be babies?
Mary: Oh, relax. He'll cry himself out. You won't even know he's there.
[four hours later:]
Sheldon: [baby crying] [sighs] Please tell that mother to quiet her baby.
Mary: Sometimes moms can't make their kids be quiet no matter how much they try.

Mary: Oh. Look, a chore chart. I made one of those. Y'all ignored it.
Missy: They don't ignore it if you stop feeding them.
Georgie: That was a long weekend.
Missy: Georgie, bathroom.
Georgie: Thank you.
Missy: Crowded house, one bathroom. We needed a schedule.

Mary: So, what's going on with your house?
Meemaw: Well, I'm gonna rebuild. It's just gonna take a while.
Dale: In the meantime, she has a home.
Mary: Oh, thank you for that.
Dale: With a man who gives her plenty of loving.

Meemaw: Tell you what, next time you start feeling sorry for yourself for being a little displaced, you just take a gander at my home of 47 years. [Meemaw hands Mary a photo of her destroyed house]
Mary: I'm sorry. This is terrible.
Dale: Yeah, I took that picture with my Minolta. Made the front page of the local paper. I got a copy of it around here somewhere.
Meemaw: She don't wanna see it.
Dale: Of course she does.

Mary: Excited to be going home?
Sheldon: [points to his head] This is home. I'm always here. But I am excited to share everything I've learned with my colleagues.
Mary: That's nice.
Sheldon: Scientifically speaking, they're savages covered in their own filth, and I'll be bringing them the light.
Mary: There's probably a nicer way to say that.
Sheldon: Oh, there is. But if a summer in Germany has taught me anything, it's that brutal honesty is its own kind of love.
Mary: I'll crochet that on a pillow.
Sheldon: Mm.

[Sheldon is holding his nose and puffing his cheeks out:]
Mary: What're you doing?
Sheldon: Trying to get my ears to pop.
Mary: Want a piece of gum?
Sheldon: Is it cinnamon gum?
Mary: Yeah.
Sheldon: I have enough problems. [baby cries] Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Sheldon: I cannot wait to sleep in my own bed.
George: You didn't tell him on the plane?
Sheldon: Tell me what?
Mary: I thought you were gonna tell him in the car.
George: Well, he was grumpy in the car.
Mary: How do you think he was on the plane?

Missy: I'll tell him.
Mary: You stay out of this.
Sheldon: Tell me what?
Mandy: Well, for God's sake. Me and Georgie and the baby have been staying in your room.
Sheldon: Oh, that makes sense. I was out of town, there was a tornado, you needed a place to live.
Georgie: So you're okay with it?
Sheldon: Oh, no, I'm home now. Get out.

George: You heard her, Sheldon, she doesn't want to leave.
Sheldon: But it's my room.
George: Well, and it's my house.
Mary: Our house.
George: Sure.
Sheldon: Why can't they stay in the garage?
Missy: Why can't you stay in the garage?
Sheldon: I'm neither a car nor a box of Christmas ornaments.
George: Sheldon, my grandbaby's not sleeping in the garage.
Mary: Our grandbaby.
George: Sure.

Mandy: Look, I slept out there. It's not that bad.
Georgie: Hey, there's even a sink you can pee in.
Mandy: That is not helpful.
Georgie: You used it.
Mandy: It was an emergency.
Sheldon: I go away for a few months and my family turns into a bunch of hillbillies.

George: All right, it's been a long day, everybody's tired. Why don't you just sleep on the couch and we'll figure this out tomorrow, hmm?
Sheldon: Fine. Oh.
Mary: What?
Sheldon: My ears finally popped. Testing, testing. One, two, three. Testing.
Missy: So, Sheldon's home.
Sheldon: Hello? Hello? Somebody say something.