Pastor Rob: Yeah, people have had some strong feelings, but I think if they heard us out, they'd see we're not putting impure thoughts in anyone's heads. Right, Mary?
Mary: No. I mean, I mean, yes, we're not. I mean, if we're upsetting people, we should just back off.
Pastor Jeff: Exactly. The talk is off. I never want to talk about the talk again.
Mary: Hallelujah.
Pastor Jeff: If you'll excuse me, I have 14 phone calls to return.
Pastor Rob: Well, sorry this didn't work out.
Mary: It's probably for the best. [inner monologue] Do not look at his butt. Do not look. Okay, do not look again.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Meemaw: How much did Dale pay you?
George Jr.: Uh, minimum wage plus five percent commission.
Meemaw: I'll give you half of that.
George Jr.: So, two and a half percent commission?
Meemaw: No, half of the minimum wage part.
George Jr.: What about a percentage of these?
Meemaw: [laughs] Yeah, right.
George Jr.: I'm serious. If it wasn't for me, none of this would be happening.
Meemaw: I'm your grandmother. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be happening.

Sheldon: [knocks on door] Missy, I know you're upset. Would you like a hot beverage?
Missy: [o.s.] Go away.
Adult Sheldon: Every culture has their taboos. In the Ukraine, it's rude to whistle indoors, and they're correct. Not a fan. In our society, any discussion of human reproduction seems to be so upsetting, it causes nothing but chaos. Lost jobs. Lost friends. Sleepless nights. Even the word "sex" provokes an uncomfortable reaction. I thought "fornicate" might work, but that seemed too judgy. Then I found the perfect word, a word so bland and clinical that it would be impossible to take offense to it.
Sheldon: "Coitus." That'll work.

Meemaw: I'll tell you what, we're in the gambling business, why don't we gamble for it?
George Jr.: Okay.
Meemaw: Great. The number I'm thinking of in my head... is it odd or even?
George Jr.: How dumb do you think I am?
Meemaw: In my defense, you used to be dumber.