George: Sales is a tough racket, Mare.
Georgie: Yeah. It ain't as easy as I make it look.
Mary: Well, I think I'd be good at it.
Georgie: You sure? Sometimes you got to do a little fibbin'.
Mary: I would do it without that.
Georgie: And you got to have people skills.
Mary: I have people skills.
Georgie: Do you?
Mary: I'd like to throw my dinner roll at your head right now, but you don't see me doing it.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Oh, I know that you're hurting, and... I'm here for you, so... what do you need?
Meemaw: Great, take me drinking.
Mary: It is 3:30 in the afternoon.
Meemaw: Yes, it's called happy hour.
Mary: I have to make dinner.
Meemaw: Oh, fine. I'll just be sad and drunk by myself. Maybe I'll go home with the bartender.
Mary: Missy! I have to go out with your meemaw, but I'll be back later with KFC.

Sheldon: Mom, I know what I want to do for spring break. What happened to your face?
Mr. Lundy: Told you, people take notice.
Mary: This is for my new job.
Sheldon: Is your new job fighting Batman? Because you look like The Joker.

Ms. Hutchins: I don't know.
Mary: Trust me, the men are gonna be lining up.
Ms. Hutchins: Well, they haven't been so far, and I've been basically giving it away.
Mary: That's your business really.

Mary: I'm not buying it. I'm thinking about selling it.
George: You?
Mary: Yes, me. Wouldn't hurt to have extra money.
Sheldon: But you already have two jobs... church and mom.
Mary: Well, that second one doesn't pay much.
Sheldon: I do your taxes. The first one doesn't either.