Jim: Here we are. Grab a shovel and dig in. There you go.
Dr. Linkletter: I spent the summer in Italy once.
Georgie: Bringing back memories?
Dr. Linkletter: No.

Meemaw: I got to go open up the gambling room. Can you watch her for about an hour?
Dale: I just had coffee and a bowl of Raisin Bran. Next hour is spoken for.
Meemaw: You could've just said no.
Dale: I'm trying to keep the romance alive.

George: [phone ringing] Sheldon, phone.
Sheldon: [to himself] 187 IQ and I'm a receptionist. [answers phone] Cooper residence. Hello, Mr.
Ballard. He's here. May I tell him what this is concerning? I may not? Very well. Dad, it's Mr. Ballard.
George: I'll pick it up in here.
Sheldon: [quietly] Which you could've done to begin with.

Dale: Hey there. Alice, isn't it?
Audrey: Audrey.
Dale: Right. What can I do for you, Audrey?
Audrey: I came to visit my granddaughter.
Dale: Not here.
Audrey: Where is she?
Dale: Well, as they say in Canada, she's "oot and aboot."

Sheldon: So, if I'm to understand correctly, our meemaw's been running a criminal enterprise.
Missy: Cool, huh?
Sheldon: No, it is most certainly not cool. On the one hand, people need to pay for their crimes. On the other, if Meemaw's in prison, who's gonna smell like Bengay and kiss me on the head?
Missy: She's an old lady, they're not gonna lock her up forever.
Sheldon: I sure hope not.

Audrey: A gambling room?
Mary: Yes.
Audrey: And she'd been bribing the authorities?
Mary: I wouldn't use that word, but there were... donations made to the authorities.
Audrey: And Georgie worked there?
Mary: Well, he also runs the laundromat. Very legitimate.
Audrey: For money laundering.
Mary: And regular laundering.

Sheldon: Are you sure there's a body down here?
Missy: Oh, yeah, keep digging.
Adult Sheldon: I'd like to tell you I found something that night, but for once you all might be ahead of me.

Dale: Hey.
Meemaw: Took you long enough.
Dale: Yeah, I'm old. I had to go to the bathroom.

Dale: [plays guitar and sings] ♪ Met her on the mountain ♪ ♪ There I took her life ♪ ♪ Met her on the mountain ♪ [Cee fusses] ♪ Stabbed her with my knife. ♪ [crying] Yeah, it's kind of a sad one. Yeah. You'll like this one. ♪ Delia, oh, Delia ♪ ♪ Delia all my life ♪ ♪ If I hadn't shot poor Delia. ♪ Here you go. This is for you. ♪ Hey, yeah, baby ♪ ♪ Shake it on down. ♪ [CeeCee coos] That's the one. That's the one.

Lyndon: All right. Let's get started.
Meemaw: Could you show a little respect and stand up?
Lyndon: One of those. George Marshall Cooper Jr., do you take Amanda Elizabeth McAllister to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Georgie: I do.
Lyndon: Amanda Elizabeth McAllister, do you take George Marshall Cooper Jr. to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Mandy: I do.
Lyndon: By the power vested in me by the great state of Texas, I now pronounce you husband and wife. [Mandy laughs] You may kiss the bride. [applause]
Meemaw: You can sit down now.

Meemaw: [clears throat] I would like to propose a toast... to Mandy and Georgie. Your relationship started out with lies and deceit, which usually happens later on in marriage.
Dale: Where is this going?
Meemaw: But you two got it out of the way right up front. So I think the odds are in your favor... for having a lifetime of love and happiness. To Mandy and Georgie... [blows a kiss] and CeeCee. [glasses clink]
Dale: Way to bring it home, baby.
Meemaw: I can do heartfelt.

Sheldon: So, you and my brother got married and no one invited me?
Mandy: Sorry, it was kind of a last-minute thing.
Sheldon: No, I was thanking you. I hope that, someday, my sister won't invite me to her wedding.
Missy: I won't.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Mary: Oh, and I can watch the baby.
Audrey: Or me, the one who just paid for your honeymoon.
Mandy: You two are on probation. I don't want to come home and find out there was an exorcism. Connie, will you do it?
Meemaw: I would love to.
Dale: Wait a minute, it's my house. Don't I have a say?
Meemaw: No.
Dale: I don't have a say.

Mandy: Hey, why don't we look around for wedding rings in Tennessee?
Georgie: Hmm. Maybe they sell them at Dollywood.
Mandy: If it's all the same, I'd rather not get my wedding ring at the same place they sell corn dogs.
Georgie: Oh, corn dogs. We're definitely getting corn dogs. [Mandy laughs]

Georgie: You know, through all the rush, we didn't really talk about it, but are you gonna take my name?
Mandy: Is it important to you?
Georgie: I don't know, I'd kind of like people to know we're a family. You know, the Coopers, Georgie and Mandy Cooper. [laughs softly] I'd go to a barbecue at their house. [both chuckle]
Mandy: Well, why don't you take my name?
Georgie: I'm trying to have a serious conversation, and you're making jokes.
Mandy: Why is it a joke?
Georgie: Maybe that'd fly in New York City, but in Texas, I'd get my ass kicked.
Mandy: Maybe we should move to New York City.
Georgie: Okay, there's just some things you don't joke about.