Missy: I'll split it with you.
Mary: No.
Missy: Why are you being so lame?
Mary: Because money does not buy happiness.
Missy: [sighs] Fresh Prince seems pretty happy.
Mary: It is not his money, it's his Uncle Phil's!

Mary: Who said you could go to Fort Davis?
Sheldon: President Hagemeyer.
Mary: Well, I didn't say you could go.
Sheldon: It's fine. I'll be with Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter.
Mary: For how long?
Sheldon: Three days.
Mary: And they're okay with this?
Sheldon: Why wouldn't they be?
Mary: No reason.

Mary: Didn't Sheldon's college talk to you about coaching there once?
George: That's right, they did.
Mary: And you know the president pretty well now.
George: I do.
Mary: And they're used to losing, so it's low pressure.
George: Thank you.

Meemaw: You were saying?
Mary: I was just thinking about when I was pregnant with Georgie, and... how hard that must've been for you. I'm sorry.
Meemaw: Georgie got that girl pregnant?!
Mary: Keep your voice down. And... yes.
Meemaw: Oh...

Mary: So, you're Catholic?
Mandy: I'm not really anything.
Mary: But you'll be raising this child with some sort of religious upbringing.
Mandy: [chuckles] I haven't really thought about it.
Mary: Well, that's one of the things we can help with, starting with grace.
Georgie: Mom...
Mary: We're starting with grace! [all hold hands] Heavenly Father...
Mandy: Why not heavenly mother?
Georgie: [whispers] Don't, just don't.
Mary: Heavenly Father, bless this food and the hands that prepared it. And thank you for bringing Mandy into our family and watch over this child as he or she grows and becomes a God-fearin' Baptist, amen.
George: Amen.
Meemaw: Smooth.

Mary: I just think that God wants children raised within the bonds of holy matrimony.
George: Mary, they already made one giant mistake, they don't have to make another.
Mandy: So, marrying me was a mistake?
George: I'm not talking about us, I'm talking about them.
Mary: I think we all know who you're talking about.
George: You really want to do this now? You're honestly happy with how your life turned out? You have no regrets?
Mary: That "giant mistake" gave us our children who I love very much.
Meemaw: [whispers] What about your husband?
Mary: Oh, I love him just fine!
George: Oh, nice, put that on a Hallmark card.
Mary: What do you want me to say?
George: I want you to admit that this marriage hasn't exactly been a bed of roses.
Mary: Wake up, no marriage is a bed of roses!
George: Well, then I guess we nailed it!
Mary: I guess we did! And that kid is gonna be Baptist!
Meemaw: So, Mandy, glad you came? [tops up her drink from a flask]

Pastor Rob: So, how are you doing with all this?
Mary: Oh. Disappointed. Angry, upset, scared.
Pastor Rob: So all the emotions. Got it.
Mary: And I'm worried that if he doesn't marry this girl, the congregation's gonna turn on me.
Pastor Rob: They might. [exhales] But that's putting man before God.
Mary: What do you mean?
Pastor Rob: Well, you're caring more about what people think than what God thinks.
Mary: I'm not caring more. I just don't have to bump into God at the grocery store.
Pastor Rob: I don't think He does his own shopping.

Mary: Thank you for meeting with me.
Pastor Rob: No problem. I got you coffee. You seemed upset, so, donut holes. Which I love if you don't want them.
Mary: I'm good with coffee.
Pastor Rob: Okay. So, what's going on?
Mary: Well... all the things that I was afraid of are happening. Ever since word got out about Georgie, everyone at my Bible study canceled.
Pastor Rob: Well, first of all, that sucks and I'm sorry. I also can't say I'm surprised. This is the part of religion I don't like.
Mary: I know Georgie made a mistake, but I thought, as Christians, we're supposed to forgive.
Pastor Rob: Well, I'm gonna ask you a tricky question. If this were happening to someone else in the congregation, how would you respond? [Mary sighs and grabs the donut holes] Good choice. That'll help.

Mary: [answers phone] Hello?
President Hagemeyer: Mrs. Cooper, it's Linda Hagemeyer.
Mary: Is everything okay?
President Hagemeyer: Well, I was hoping that you could tell me. [chuckles] Uh, Sheldon was in my office earlier and was pretty upset about the situation at home.
Mary: What did he tell you?
President Hagemeyer: Nothing much, really, just that his parents are fighting all the time, his older brother got a girl pregnant and his sister punched a little boy in Sunday school.
Mary: Oh. Well... [sighs] ...it's been a busy couple of days. Just, you know, life... One thing after another.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, ain't that the truth. Anyway, I'm sure that you know this university has invested quite a bit in Sheldon's progress, and, uh, well, not to be critical, but... he didn't come to you complaining about me.
Mary: What are you saying? Are you saying that I'm not doing a good job as his mother? Because I am doing the best that I can to hold this family together, and I am tired of everyone blaming me. [Missy is listening in the hallway] I have half a mind to get in my car and drive until I run out of road and then start my life over again with a different name.
President Hagemeyer: Okay. Sure. So, uh... sounds like you've got a handle on this. So good to talk to you. Um, have a lovely evening.
Mary: You too! [hangs up] [cries] [Missy hugs Mary] Oh... [sniffles]

Mary: Hello.
Pastor Jeff: Mary, I am so sorry about today. I understand why you're upset. But the church is still your family. I'd just... hate to see you walk away from the Lord.
Mary: [inhales sharply, sighs] Feels like he's walking away from me.
[Mary closes the door on Pastor Jeff]

Mary: I just think he could do better.
Brenda Sparks: Mary Cooper. Are you sweet on him?
Mary: No! What? I am a married woman. Happily.
Brenda Sparks: Well, I was married once, too, didn't stop me from looking.
Mary: Well, I'm not looking. [stands up]
Brenda Sparks: Where you going?
Mary: To dance.
Brenda Sparks: I didn't think you Baptists did that.
Mary: We don't drink, neither.

George: Hey. Where you been?
Mary: Brenda and I went dancing.
George: You went dancing?
Mary: Yeah, and I'm darn good at it.
George: [chuckles] Okay.
Mary: The kids asleep?
George: Yep.
Mary: You want to fool around?
George: Are you messing with me?
Mary: I'm hoping to.
George: Well, hot diggity dog.

Mary: Oh, Passion, not the stable. That's where the horses do their business.

Georgie: It's gonna be okay.
Mandy: [sniffles] Is it? [whispers] I peed in the sink last night.

[fantasy:]
Dusty: And I'm telling you, your feelings are valid.
Mary: I don't know.
Dusty: Hey. Hey. Look at me. I know. Now, tell me about the rest of your day.
Mary: Dusty... I think I'm done talking.
Dusty: Do you mean...?
Mary: I do. [they start to kiss]
Missy: [o.s.] [banging on door] Mom, I've really got to go!
Mary: Use the sink in the garage!