Georgie: So what do you want to talk about?
Mary: Um, I don't know. How's school?
Georgie: It's school, it's a turd fest.
Mary: Charming. Are you dating anyone?
Georgie: Nah, nobody up to my standards.
Mary: Sure.
Georgie: Can I ask you a question?
Mary: Course, you can ask me anything.
Georgie: Were you pregnant with me when you married Dad?
Mary: Um, why would you ask that?
Georgie: Sheldon said so.
Mary: How would Sheldon know?
Georgie: He did the math.
Mary: What math?
Georgie: He said the time between my birthday and your wedding day was six months.
Mary: Um, yeah. That's because you were born premature.
Georgie: I've seen my birth certificate, it said I weighed nine pounds.
Mary: Yes, that's true. You were a big fat preemie. Let's talk about something else.
Georgie: Why?
Mary: 'Cause I'd very much like to.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Pastor Jeff: And now George's loving wife Mary would like to say a few words. Mary.
Mary: Thank you, Pastor Jeff. Um... [clears throat] I met George in high school. Well, I was in high school. He was an older man with a motorcycle. [light laughter] I'd like to tell you he caught my eye, but actually it was the motorcycle. [laughter] [voice breaking] I'm sorry, I can't... do this. I am... so angry. [sighs] George and I had our ups and downs, but we were finally in such a good place, and then he... left. [crying] He left all of us. I- How could you do that? [Meemaw stands up] I am so mad at him. I'm mad at God, I'm mad at myself for not trying harder while he was here. [Meemaw goes up to Mary] This wasn't supposed to happen. [Mary sobs] [Meemaw hugs Mary] [Georgie hugs a crying Missy]

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Meemaw: This is delicious, but you were not kidding about the spice. I'm about to break a sweat here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, here's something you might find interesting. Spicy food is typically found in warmer climates because it induces sweating, which in turn, cools people off.
Meemaw: So what does the runny nose do for me?
Dr. John Sturgis: It allows me to, uh, gallantly offer you my handkerchief.
Meemaw: You are such a gentleman.
Dr. John Sturgis: When I was younger, I read a book on etiquette. That's how I know that if I ever have an audience at the Vatican, I should wear evening attire or a sack coat.
Meemaw: I don't know what a sack coat is, but I'm sure you'd look handsome in it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you.

Georgie: Don't they make babies that are born too soon stay in the hospital?
Mary: Normally, yes, but you were born with such a great head full of hair that they sent you home with us.
Georgie: That's the first thing you've said that makes sense.

Dr. John Sturgis: You weren't kidding. Spaghetti and hot dogs is delightful.
Sheldon: Even better since Mom perfected the chunk ratio.