George Jr.: So what do you want to talk about?
Mary: Um, I don't know. How's school?
George Jr.: It's school, it's a turd fest.
Mary: Charming. Are you dating anyone?
George Jr.: Nah, nobody up to my standards.
Mary: Sure.
George Jr.: Can I ask you a question?
Mary: Course, you can ask me anything.
George Jr.: Were you pregnant with me when you married Dad?
Mary: Um, why would you ask that?
George Jr.: Sheldon said so.
Mary: How would Sheldon know?
George Jr.: He did the math.
Mary: What math?
George Jr.: He said the time between my birthday and your wedding day was six months.
Mary: Um, yeah. That's because you were born premature.
George Jr.: I've seen my birth certificate, it said I weighed nine pounds.
Mary: Yes, that's true. You were a big fat preemie. Let's talk about something else.
George Jr.: Why?
Mary: 'Cause I'd very much like to.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Meemaw: This is delicious, but you were not kidding about the spice. I'm about to break a sweat here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, here's something you might find interesting. Spicy food is typically found in warmer climates because it induces sweating, which in turn, cools people off.
Meemaw: So what does the runny nose do for me?
Dr. John Sturgis: It allows me to, uh, gallantly offer you my handkerchief.
Meemaw: You are such a gentleman.
Dr. John Sturgis: When I was younger, I read a book on etiquette. That's how I know that if I ever have an audience at the Vatican, I should wear evening attire or a sack coat.
Meemaw: I don't know what a sack coat is, but I'm sure you'd look handsome in it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you.

George Sr.: So, Dr. Sturgis, Sheldon tells us you're a guest professor at the university.
Dr. John Sturgis: I am.
Mary: Hmm. Does that mean that you're only here temporarily?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that's the plan for now. But I could be enticed to stay.
Sheldon: Meemaw, I do believe there was subtext there. Did you pick up on it?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Sheldon: Was I correct to infer there was subtext there?
Dr. John Sturgis: You were.
Sheldon: Okay, we're all good.

Dr. John Sturgis: You weren't kidding. Spaghetti and hot dogs is delightful.
Sheldon: Even better since Mom perfected the chunk ratio.