Mary Quotes

Quote from the episode An 8-Bit Princess and a Flat Tire Genius

Mary: Fine, but I want you here for dinner every night, and if your grades slip, you are done.
George Jr.: Thank you.
Mary: Now go wash up. And don't get grease all over my towels.

Quote from the episode Cape Canaveral, Schrodinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair

Meemaw: You ready to finish our conversation?
Mary: There's nothing to finish. I raised myself like a jungle child. End of story.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

Sheldon: I wasn't even aware I was chewing them.
Mary: Baby, I think this math problem you're working on is stressing you out.
Sheldon: It makes sense. Einstein struggled with it for 30 years and never found a solution.
Mary: Maybe if you stop thinking about it, it'll just come to you.
Sheldon: No. I can't stop.
Mary: Sheldon.
Sheldon: If I stop, I'll lose momentum. I'll never solve it. I'll be a failure. My life will be worthless.
Mary: Okay, that's it. You're taking a break from science.
Sheldon: Give me one good reason why I would do that.
Mary: Where is Dr. Sturgis right now?
Sheldon: That's a good reason.

Quote from the episode Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey

Mary: It's not just bookkeeping. I'd be in charge of handling the maintenance issues you know, plumbing, electric, what have you. And I'd also head the planning committee for all the social events, which, of course, includes the big three: baptisms, weddings, funerals. And here is the cherry on top. The sign in front of the church with all the clever sayings-
George Sr.: "Be an organ donor, give your heart to Jesus"?
Mary: Exactly. Guess whose job it would be to write those.
George Sr.: Yours.
Mary: Already working on a couple. Listen to this. "The best vitamin for a Christian is B1."
George Sr.: What?
Mary: You know, be one. Like be a Christian. And also B1 the vitamin.
George Sr.: Well, now that you explained it, it's funny.
Mary: Yeah. Might be a thinker. But there's a lot more where that came from.

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

George Sr.: So, did you understand any of it?
Mary: Not a word. But he had on a tweed jacket with the elbow patches, so he must know what he's talking about.

Quote from the episode Teenager Soup and a Little Ball of Fib

George Sr.: Doesn't this all seem a little convenient?
Mary: You think he's faking it?
George Sr.: Today's the swim test. It's pretty suspicious.
Missy: Sheldon just coughed up something gross in a tissue.
Mary: See? And that's why he's staying home.
George Sr.: Mary, come on.
Mary: No, I am not changing my mind. My little boy is not a liar.

Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip

George Sr.: That one had some zip on it.
Missy: Zip's a good thing, right?
George Sr.: Yes.
Missy: So it looks like I know what I'm doing?
George Sr.: Just like a pro.
Missy: But like a lady pro?
George Sr.: Oh, yes. Very much.

Quote from the episode Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey

Mary: You know, my mother's had some luck cutting back on the smoking by chewing that nicotine gum.
Peg: Got some right here.
Mary: So you do.

Quote from the episode Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey

Pastor Jeff: When we first started dating, everything was wonderful.
Mary: That's when it is wonderful.
Pastor Jeff: All the problems started once we got married.
Mary: Well, marriage will do that to a relationship.
Pastor Jeff: I-I got Selena a credit card to make small purchases for the house. You know ... coffee maker, DustBuster. You know what she did? She went to that Sharper Image store and she bought a massage chair.
Mary: Oh, I sat in one of those at the mall. It was terrific.
Pastor Jeff: It's $2,000.
Mary: Oh. Well, seeing as I know how much you make, you can't afford that.

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

Mary: They're not gonna be back for a while. Go to bed.
Sheldon: I won't be able to sleep.
Mary: I'm not telling you to go to sleep, I'm telling you to go to bed.
Sheldon: You don't think they'll have relations tonight, do you?
Mary: Now I'm telling you to go to sleep.

Quote from the episode A Math Emergency and Perky Palms

Mary: Um, I have Sunday's bulletin for your approval. And I wanted to ask about ordering the palms for Palm Sunday. I know it's early, but as you remember last year, we waited too long and First United Methodist snatched up all the perky ones.

Quote from the episode Potato Salad, a Broomstick, and Dad's Whiskey

Pastor Jeff: Got a minute?
Mary: Sure, come on in.
Pastor Jeff: I just wanted to apologize. It was wrong of me to unload my personal business on you. Here it is, your first day and all.
Mary: Oh, that's fine. Always happy to lend an ear.
Pastor Jeff: Great, 'cause I didn't tell you everything.
Mary: Really? 'Cause you told me a lot.

Quote from the episode Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

Mary: So, are you gonna see him again?
Meemaw: I don't know. He showed up at my house on a bike.
George Sr.: Like a Harley?
Meemaw: Like a Schwinn.
Mary: You mean a bike bike?
Meemaw: With a jingle bell on the handlebar and everything.
Mary: Well, that's kind of charming.
Meemaw: He doesn't know how to drive a car. Doesn't want to know.
Mary: Okay, a little less charming.

Quote from the episode A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens

Adult Sheldon: Despite his concerns over her sanity, my dad found a rock worthy of her faith garden.
Mary: Ooh, right over there.
Adult Sheldon: [GRUNTS] Here?
Mary: Mm-hmm. [George drops the rock down] Gently!
George Sr.: [PANTING]: Honey, it's a rock.
Mary: I know, but still.

Quote from the episode A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship

Mary: Just be on your best behavior. And if you're not sure if you should say something, do not say it.

Quote from the episode Family Dynamics and a Red Fiero

Mary: I'm thankful to be surrounded by my loving family.
Missy: What about that guy?
Mary: That guy- Dr. Sturgis Is part of our extended family.
Dr. John Sturgis: Mm, thank you.
Mary: And I'm also thankful for this warm and comfy home that God has blessed us with and this great neighborhood with my mom living right across the street, and of course our excellent school system that provides our children with a world-class education.

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

Mary: She can cut her own crusts off.

Quote from the episode A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens

Meemaw: What is happening with you?
Mary: Do you really want to know? So, the other day I was making a casserole to bring over to the Hansons, and I wanted to include a sympathy card. So I started to write, "Your daughter's in a better place." [VOICE BREAKING] And I had to stop. Because how could that possibly be true? How could a better place be anywhere than at home safe with her family? She was just a little kid. That could've been Georgie behind the wheel. How could that possibly be God's plan?

Quote from the episode A Broken Heart and a Crock Monster

Pastor Jeff: We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore.
Mary: In the '50s, people had separate beds. Lucy and Ricky did it. Their marriage worked.

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

Meemaw: Maybe having this mutt next door won't be so bad. Shelly could end up getting used to it.
George Sr.: That's true. Remember when he got all freaked out by the fruit at the bottom of yogurt? Now he eats it no problem.
Mary: He still makes me stir it.