Mary: I thought you were with Missy.
Meemaw: Oh. I thought it was a good idea if she talked to Mandy. They're closer in age.
Mary: She threw you over, didn't she?
Meemaw: Without hesitation.
Mary: Stings, don't it?
Meemaw: It do.

George: What's his problem now?
Mary: Nothing. He wants to spend the night at the dorm so he can get to an early class.
George: Really? And you said okay?
Mary: He is old enough to have an overnighter, and... it might be nice for us to have a little alone time.
George: Ooh. What about Missy?
Mary: She's having dinner with a friend.
George: So, the house to ourselves. I like it. [phone ringing]
Mary: Hold on. [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Number two... I have my own bathroom.

Jim: Well, Mandy's not gonna apologize to her mom, and her mom's not gonna apologize to her, so I got to figure out some way to broker the peace.
Mary: Maybe we could have everyone over here for dinner.
George: Mary, when has that ever worked?
Mary: Food is healing, George. You should know.
George: Hey.
Mary: What? I'm just lightening the mood.

Mary: Food would have helped.

George: Sheldon, this is important to all of us. Uh, you got to think about your family.
Mary: Shelly, he's right.
Sheldon: Did you put extra hot dogs in this spaghetti?
Mary: I did.
Sheldon: Okay, I'll talk with the lawyer.
Missy: [whispers to Mary] You're good.

Mary: So you're mad he helped you win?
George: He didn't help! I coached that team up, I designed the game plan. But who do they hoist on their shoulders after the final whistle?
Mary: Well... [looks down at George's gut]
George: What?
Mary: Come on.

Sheldon: [on the phone] [deeper voice] Hello, Mr. Jennings. Mr. Cooper here. Yes, I know we have an appointment for tomorrow, but I thought, why wait to do this face-to-face when we could do it over the phone? Ha, ha. Well, it's just that there's been so much interest in the grant database, I wanted to make sure that you got a chance to hear it first. Excellent. Well... [dialling tones] I'm on the phone.
Mary: [on the line] Oh. Sorry, baby.
Sheldon: Uh, so you can hang up now.
Mary: Your voice sounds funny, are you coming down with a cold?
Sheldon: No, I'm fine. This is my normal adult voice.
Mary: I guess I just miss that sweet little boy voice.
Sheldon: [squeaky voice] Mom! Wh... I-It doesn't matter how old I am, Mr. Jennings, because I'm really, really smart.
Mary: Oh, is this about his database thingy? He is so excited about that I could barely get him to bed last night.
Sheldon: Mom!

Sheldon: And even more good news. You no longer have to drive me to school, because I'm dropping out to work on it.
Mary: What? No, you're not.
Sheldon: But they won't fund the project unless I'm working on it full-time.
Mary: I don't care, you're finishing college.
Sheldon: But you let him drop out.
Mary: And look how his life turned out.
Georgie: Hey.

Mary: That sounds fun.
Brenda Sparks: Does it? ... Would you... [sighs] want to join us?
Mary: Oh, well... so long as I'm not butting in.
Brenda Sparks: Well, I have to warn you, it's kind of a salty group. I don't want you to be shocked.
Mary: You've met my mother.
Brenda Sparks: That's true.

Mary: Hey. I brought you a snack and some magazines.
Mandy: Oh, thanks, but I should probably finish this. Although I do know how it ends. With bodily fluids. Everywhere.
Mary: And then a sweet little boy or girl.
Mandy: Oh, um, it's a girl.
Mary: [gasps] Really?
Mandy: Yeah, Georgie didn't want to know so I haven't said.
Mary: Well, that is wonderful! Oh, it'll be our little secret.
Meemaw: [o.s.] I already know! Don't go feeling like you're special.
Mary: Do you mind? We're having a moment here.
Meemaw: Carry on.

Mary: [sighs] As you can see, the mother-daughter bond is strong.
Mandy: Well, compared to me and my mom, you two are magic.
Mary: Well, we've had our ups and downs. [quietly] She wasn't the easiest mom to grow up with. Sometimes I felt like I was kind of raising myself. But now we're practically best friends.
Mandy: Yeah, I don't think that's in the cards for me and my mom.
Meemaw: [o.s.] I hear you whispering in there. Don't listen to her, Mandy.
Mary: Dear Lord, I was just telling her how you and I are best friends!
Meemaw: That's how you talk to your best friend?

Mary: I'm Mary Cooper. Georgie's mom.
Audrey: Oh. Hello.
Mary: I don't know what's going on between you and your daughter, but you need to get over it. She is scared, she is pregnant, and she needs her mother.
Audrey: I'm getting parenting advice from a woman whose 17-year-old son got my daughter pregnant?
Mary: Yes, you are. Georgie made a mistake, but I did not cut him out of my life.
Audrey: You don't know...
Mary: I don't care. You are her parent. Act like it. So, grow up, call your daughter and make it right. Now!
Audrey: Well, I need...
Mary: I said now.
Audrey: I was gonna say I need the phone number.
Mary: Okay. Do you have a pen?

Brenda Sparks: Okay, come on, Mary. We're friends.
Mary: Just not as good of friends as you are with my husband.
Brenda Sparks: Okay, if you're gonna keep working here, we have to figure this out.
Mary: Maybe I shouldn't work here.
Brenda Sparks: Maybe you shouldn't.
Mary: Are you firing me?
Brenda Sparks: Well, I thought you were quitting.
Mary: Maybe I was.
Brenda Sparks: Then maybe I was.
Mary: Then I am.
Brenda Sparks: Then I do.
Mary: Great, then I'm leaving.
Brenda Sparks: Well, I'm a little confused, but okay. [sighs]

Mary: Do you even think about how your actions affect other people?
Brenda Sparks: Love it. Keep it coming.
Mary: You couldn't hang on to your crappy husband, so you tried to move in on my crappy husband.
Brenda Sparks: Good, good. That hurt, but good.

Mary: Do you have any idea what it feels like to have your husband prefer to hang out with your best friend over you?
Brenda Sparks: I know how it feels to have my husband leave me.
Mary: Then you should know better.
Brenda Sparks: You're right.
Mary: I mean, I get that you're fun, and I'm just a churchy stick-in-the-mud.