Mary: Why didn't you tell me there was a pool? I would've brought my bathing suit.
George: Hotels have pools... didn't think I needed to mention it.
Mary: Well, it would have been nice if you did.
George: They also have beds in the rooms. Did you remember your pajamas?
Mary: Okay, you don't have to act like that.
George: Well, you don't need to blame me 'cause you forgot your bathing suit.
Mary: Well, I guess we're not going in the pool.
George: Maybe you're not. I packed my suit.
Mary: Are you gonna behave like this all weekend?
George: What? Responsible and fun-loving? Probably.
Mary: You are such a... monkey butt.
George: [laughs] Come on. There's got to be more insulting name you can call me.
Mary: I am sure there is, but they're about to get in and they do not need to hear us arguing.

Clarissa: You have kids?
Mary: Three.
Clarissa: You look amazing!
Mary: Oh...
Sam: Two of 'em are twins.
Mary: I don't want to brag, but natural birth.
Jason: Whoa.
Mary: I love college. [laughs]

Mary: Hi, Brenda.
Brenda Sparks: I just wanted to see how today went.
Mary: Oh. [goes outside] Not great. Sheldon is already in some sort of fight with his philosophy professor.
Brenda Sparks: About what?
Sheldon: Currently, he's plotting "the destruction of her worldview," whatever that means.
Brenda Sparks: Sounds exciting.
Mary: It's mostly him reading a book and giggling to himself.

Mary: I thought you were gonna join a club.
Sheldon: Too bad there isn't a Dr. Linkletter Haters Club. I would join that in a heartbeat. Maybe I should start one.
Mary: Starting your own club is an interesting idea. Maybe just not one based on, you know, hating someone.
Sheldon: You started that group at church for parents who hate The Simpsons.
Mary: It's not about hate. We just write letters to get it taken off the air. [chuckles] And it's gonna happen any day now.
Adult Sheldon: Ironically, the only Simpson she did like was O.J. Time's funny that way.

Mary: Oh, um... I saw you and Brenda Sparks out for a walk this mornin'. That's fun.
Pastor Jeff: Yeah. Nice way to start the day.
Mary: Yeah. Um... I'd go with George, but he's a gym teacher, and as a group, they're not much for walkin'.
Pastor Jeff: Well, you keep asking, maybe he'll come around.
Mary: Good idea, thank you.
Pastor Jeff: It's not just witty church signs up here.

Mary: Come in.
Georgie: I figured you didn't eat. I made you some soup.
Mary: Oh, thank you. But you didn't have to do that. Everything's fine.
Georgie: I ain't a kid. You don't gotta lie to me.
Mary: [sighs] Okay. Honestly, I'm upset with your father. And I'm upset with myself.
Georgie: Why?
Mary: 'Cause... he's right. Maybe I do think I know best, and I can be critical. But thank you for making me soup.
Georgie: You're welcome.
Mary: Did you put water in this?
Georgie: Was I supposed to?
Mary: It's fine.

Mary: I don't care what you believe. You are going to church tomorrow.
Missy: I don't want to.
Sheldon: It might be fun. The new youth pastor's starting.
Missy: So?
Sheldon: We can attack his belief system together. Like the Wonder Twins of atheism.
Mary: See? Your brother's excited.
Missy: You just want the new guy to have a bad day.
Mary: I can want two things.

Georgie: I'm thinking I'll put the flag over that window for, you know, privacy.
Mary: If you want, I could sew some curtains, make it look homey.
Georgie: Nice. Girls will eat that up.
Mary: Flag is fine.

Mary: Actually, um... I might have overstepped yesterday. In fact, I... think there might be some value in the kids hearing some of these things from people other than their parents.
Pastor Rob: Great. [chuckles] Hey, maybe it's something you and I could do together?
Mary: Oh, no, no, no, this was your idea.
Pastor Rob: Yeah, but you've got way more experience. With kids, I mean.
Mary: [chuckles] I know what you meant.
Pastor Rob: [chuckles] Plus, it would be great for them to hear from a woman. So, either you or Peg, so...
Mary: Oh. I want to scare them, but not that much.

Pastor Rob: Actually, this is great. You can tell the kids how you waited till marriage. I think it'll be really powerful for them to hear your story.
Mary: Uh-huh, right, right. Right.
Pastor Rob: Something seems not right.
Mary: Um, it's just, um... [chuckles] I didn't wait all the way until marriage.
Pastor Rob: Hey, none of my business.
Mary: Thank you.
Pastor Rob: But I appreciate the honesty. [silence] Well, this just got a little awkward.
Mary: Yup. Yeah. [laughs]
Pastor Rob: All right, have a good one.
Mary: Okay. Oh... [stammers]

Mr. Lundy: Attagirl! They've already seen the before. Let's show 'em the after. Here. Try this.
Mary: That's awfully red.
Mr. Lundy: Exactly. And when you see red, what comes to your mind?
Mary: Satan.
Mr. Lundy: Glamour. Sex appeal, a little va-va-voom!
Mary: I don't know.
Mr. Lundy: You are not just selling makeup. You are selling power, you are selling confidence, and that starts right here. Now are you a powerful, confident woman?
Mary: Yes.
Mr. Lundy: Slather this on. Let's try again.
[later:]
Mr. Lundy: Somebody call highway patrol. This billboard is causing accidents.
Mary: Really?
Mr. Lundy: You had the va, then you got another va, now you got the voom. Sell me some makeup.
Mary: Hello there.
Mr. Lundy: Now I'm listening.

Mary: So, today I thought maybe we'd mix things up a little bit, and do some reading from Esther.
Betty: I don't think I've ever read Esther.
Mary: Oh, you are in for a treat. There is some good stuff in here. Let us open our Bibles to, uh, chapter two, verse 12. "Before a young woman's turn came to go into King Xerxes, she had to complete 12 months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women: six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics." Did anyone else realize that cosmetics were right here in the Bible? I just find that fascinating.
Betty: Uh, well, t-this next verse talks about her being a concubine.
Mary: Hey, hey, don't skip ahead. We're still talking cosmetics. Did you know that Esther used her beauty to stop a genocide?
Ann: Really?
Mary: Sometimes, I think we forget how powerful beauty can be. But I know I sure feel powerful when I'm wearing this new line of Mary Kay cosmetics. Take a gander, ladies.

Mary: Esther would be so proud. This is a face that would stop the spilling of blood.
Ann: You think?
Mary: I do. Now, if you order the starter package today, I will throw in the spring palette.
Ann: Sold.
Mary: Oh, praise the Lord. Now who's next?

Sheldon: [on the phone] Mom, can I please be picked up later?
Mary: No. Your meemaw's already on her way.
Sheldon: But the people next door want me to try an egg roll.
Mary: What people? Don't take food from strangers.
Sheldon: They're not strangers. They're Oscar and Darren.
Mary: Well, they're strangers to me.
Sheldon: Well, maybe when Meemaw gets here, she can wait in the car for a few hours.
Mary: That is not happening, and you know it.
Sheldon: Can we at least have Chinese food for dinner?
Mary: I'm making Rice-A-Roni. Does that count?
Sheldon: Nothing Chinese ends in "a-roni."
Mary: Well, their loss.

Mary: What is your problem?
George: Doesn't matter.
Mary: Hey. [sighs] If something is going on, tell me.
George: [sighs] They're coming after me at work.
Mary: Who?
George: The boosters. They want a new coach.
Mary: Are you getting fired?
George: I don't know. Maybe. Don't you have to go?
Mary: [hugs George] I'm sorry.
George: [sniffles] Thank you.