Missy: I've been thinking about how much I enjoyed throwing that ball today.
George Sr.: You did great, honey.
Missy: I know. That's why I want to play on a team.
George Sr.: You get that dunk tank isn't a sport?
Missy: I mean baseball.
George Sr.: Okay, sure. They don't have any baseball teams for girls. Wait a few years, you can play softball.
Missy: I don't want to wait. I want to play baseball.
George Sr.: But you'd be the only girl.
Missy: I don't care.
George Sr.: Okay, well I-I guess I can look into it.
Missy: Thanks, Daddy.
George Sr.: Sure you don't want to play soccer or something?
Missy: Nope!
George Sr.: Cheerleading?
Missy: Baseball!
George Sr.: Yeah.

George Sr.: [shouting] Missy, five minutes!
Meemaw: Oh. Can you please?
George Sr.: Oh. Sorry. Been there. [shouting] She's hungover! Wants us to keep it down!

Mary: Go talk to him.
George Sr.: About what?
Mary: I don't know. Maybe you could give him a male perspective on relationship issues.
George Sr.: How about this? What if I close my eyes and pray on it?

George Sr.: At least he's not crying anymore.

Principal Petersen: But I do think you're overreacting.
George Sr.: Come on. I... Would it kill her to loosen up once in a while?
Principal Petersen: Maybe that's just not who she is.
George Sr.: What if it is, just not with me?
Principal Petersen: Well, what does that mean?
George Sr.: The other night I drove by the church and I saw Mary and that new youth pastor just hanging out on the curb, laughing and smoking cigarettes.
Principal Petersen: Yeah? And?
George Sr.: Well, that's not enough?
Principal Petersen: Well, is smoking even a sin? 'Cause I still light up after a roll in the hay.
George Sr.: The point is, she's capable of being fun, just... not with me.

Mary: I'm gonna tell you right now, we can't keep it.
George Sr.: It's not a puppy, Mary, it's 500 bucks.
Mary: It is gambling.
George Sr.: Then why'd you buy the ticket?
Mary: I didn't buy it. They gave it to me at the gas station.
George Sr.: Okay, well, that sounds like a gift from God. You don't want to make Him mad.
Mary: That is not how God works, George.
George Sr.: What if He wanted you to have it to give to the Church?
Mary: Well...
George Sr.: Well, uh, based on that, what ifHe wanted you to have it so we could buy stuff?
Mary: George.
George Sr.: All I'm saying is, we work hard, we're good people. Maybe we deserve this.

George Sr.: Ooh, look at the Ultra-Clean Two. It's got five washing cycles.
Mary: I don't know, George, these are really expensive.
George Sr.: You won the money. Spend it.
Mary: Maybe we should just get a more affordable one.
George Sr.: Everything we do is affordable. Uh... splurge for once.
Mary: It's so extravagant.
George Sr.: [laughs] You'd think we were talking about buying a party boat. It's a dishwasher, for crying out loud.
Mary: But the way we got the money, it just doesn't feel right.
George Sr.: So you're telling me you're never okay with bending the rules once in a while?
Mary: That's not how being a Christian works.
George Sr.: Good to know. [grabs the scratch card]
Mary: What are you doing?
George Sr.: Oh, just helping you be a good Christian.

George Sr.: Not sure about these uniforms. Kinda froufrou.

George Sr.: Let's go for it.
Assistant Coach Wilkins: Why? We got plenty of time.
George Sr.: I know. Still want to go for it.
Assistant Coach Wilkins: We're on the 12-yard line. Everybody know you punt.
George Sr.: Why does everybody knowing something make it right?

George Sr.: Bad enough they rolled me out in a wheelchair I didn't need. You could've let me drive.
Mary: You got winded getting in the car.
George Sr.: You heard that, huh?

George Sr.: Hey, Georgie, if you ever find a girlfriend, maybe you can go on a double date with your brother.
Mary: She's not his girlfriend.
George Jr.: And I can find one I'm just not looking.
George Sr.: We gotta get that Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue away from him before he's ruined forever.

George Sr.: What's going on?
Mary: Ugh. He was muttering in his sleep that I am his training wheels. What on earth does that mean?
George Sr.: Well, let's think about it. Training wheels are for little kids. Maybe he doesn't want to be a little kid anymore.
Mary: What does that have to do with me?
George Sr.: [laughs] You have made it your life's mission to hold him up.
Mary: What are you saying here? That I am wrong to love and protect my son? That he doesn't need his mother to keep an eye on him?
George Sr.: I'm not saying that. I... I would never say that.
Mary: All right then. [exits]
George Sr.: [to himself] I'm not an idiot.

Mary: I feel bad about yelling at Georgie.
George Sr.: He deserved it. You should do it more.

George Sr.: Son of a bitch! Here! Edgar! Or Allan. Whichever the hell one you are.

George Sr.: Okay, I know you're having a tough time with this, but you're doing great. You spend some time at Tam's house, you know, clear your head, and come back home refreshed.
Sheldon: And then I can tell Mom?
George Sr.: Oh, no, you can never tell Mom.

Mary: George.
George Sr.: What? What's wrong?
Mary: The pastor's up making tea.
George Sr.: What, you want me to blow on it?

George Jr.: If it's about money, I've got money. It can even be a loan if it makes you feel better.
George Sr.: Don't you dare.
George Jr.: You said you're proud of my job. I don't think you are.
George Sr.: You know what? Forget lunch. Let's just go home.
George Jr.: Smart. Save some money for your truck.
George Sr.: That's it. You're walking.

George Sr.: Oh! I love Skynyrd!
Brenda Sparks: You know what? I saw them play Dallas.
George Sr.: You're kidding. Wh-What year?
Brenda Sparks: I'd just got kicked out of beauty school, so I guess... [sighs] '76?
George Sr.: I was at that show!
Brenda Sparks: Stop it.
George Sr.: Nah. Nazareth opened.
Brenda Sparks: Oh, my God. They did. They did. [chuckles]
George Sr.: Small world.
Brenda Sparks: Yeah.

Adult Sheldon: That's the thing with pool balls and people. They are both... unpredictable.
Brenda Sparks: Hi, George.
George Sr.: Oh, hey, Brenda. What brings you out tonight?
Brenda Sparks: Just needed to get out of the house.
George Sr.: [sighs heavily] I hear that.
Brenda Sparks: You want some company?
George Sr.: Sure.

Sheldon: Could you talk to him?
George Sr.: You're in college now. Don't you think you should fight your own battles?
Sheldon: Does telling on him to the president of the university count?
George Sr.: Did it work?
Sheldon: No.
George Sr.: Then no.